i'm feeling better. my periods of panic overwhelm me and then all i can see is how the deceptive past five years, the painful present, and my empty dreams of the future are in shambles. when i think that my life will continue in my way, here in my place on the farm, i feel so much more secure. but a small thing comes along and freaks me with threatening my tenacious grip; then i crumble and dissolve all over again. i know that these are bad moments that will pass. but it started this morning, and escalated all morning and then pushed me over the edge this afternoon. but, i'm feeling better. i will have better times for longer, more frequently. there will also be some awful moments tossed in too. i lost sight of that today, even tho i KNOW it, my emotions and feelings and thoughts overpowered my knowledge. it may happen again, but hopefully, i am sorta prepared for it and it won't blindside me.
i wanted to show you two pix that i like. i love trees, and figures in trees really speak to me. they are graceful and beautiful, even with their scars and flaws. they are strong, survive storms, even when they are tossed to and fro. they are flexible without being insubstantial. sometimes, i am like them. here they are: