27 June 2008

no strewing allowed

Ya know some days you just know you shouldn't leave the house?  Or get out of bed?  or even wake up?

Well, I had arranged to meet with a woman next town over to give her the fifteen 12" granny squares that'd I'd done over the past week so that she could see them assembled into an afghan to give to some soul who is in need.  So first I drove to the library to exchange some audio books, and then I was gonna hop on the interstate and be on my way to Books-a-Million over in Columbus.  I shoulda not went the way I did.  I shoulda backtracked and caught the highway that way.  But shoulda-coulda-woulda here drove past the university when I left the library...past the state highway patrol...past an a distracted driver who coasted into my lane.

the key word there is "past".

I was in the left lane, as the right lane is usually full of folks who may turn at any moment into various roads and businesses.  Usually, driving in the left lane means I don't need to slam on the breaks because someone in front of me decided they just had to have that donut right now from this gas station right here.  Sounds like a good theory, but not today.

Today?  The sporty new black heavily tinted windows (watch for em) car in the right lane drifted (actually, i'd say veered, but i'm not sure if that's what they were intending to do...cuz damn, that's alotta drift) into my lane.  As in, the space my vehicle was occupying at that precise time.  Now, when two matters attempt to occupy the same space simultaneously, there tends to be a smashing crash with damaged and dented auto bodies and human bodies and spraying glass (from the auto bodies) and blood (from the human bodies).

I couldn't stop in enough time not to get involved in that smashing crash, so I chose the left shoulder to give some room to the sporty new glossy black heavily tinted windowed vehicle who was encroaching on my space.  Which would have been a fine idea, but for the sign posts directly ahead of me and my new path.  So I stomped on the gas, cleared the shiny new sporty black heavily tinted windowed car (whose driven was newly awoken and jerked back into the right lane while screaming quite loudly) and swerved back onto the road.  As soon as I got the fishtailing under control (seems like minutes while it's happening to you, but in reality is mere seconds...but no two vehicles can occupy the same space even for mere seconds, dudes), I looked around me and checked behind me.

No crashed up vehicles strewn the road.  No stalled vehicles strewn the road.  No vehicles strewn the road.  No strewing going on at all.

There was no hit, no damage.  In fact, the other vehicle didn't stop at all.  Until later, after they entered the new highway and I saw them pull off the road.

As I was saying (well, ok, exclaiming) as the shiny black sporty car was pushing into my space, "omg, omg, whathefuck is this?"  I've been saying that entirely too much lately, first snakes slithering in my space (and really, my hall, in my home?  my space) and now sporty cars slithering in my space (and really? my car in my lane, my space; that's why there are nice brightly painted  lines on the road surface).

Too much excitement for me.

26 June 2008

My landlord came up this evening, with a contraption that had one of those handles that when you squeeze it, it triggers a mechanism which allows the pincers on the other end to close.  Folks use them to pick up trash.  Or snakes, apparently.

As I described and re-enacted the snake scene from last night (that was quite amusing, cuz I really did screech ohdamnohdamnohdamn omigawd whathefuck, as I jumped into the bathroom from the hallway).  My landlord stared at me in astonishment, yet again amazed that he has me for a tenant.  Then he looked under the chair sitting at the end of the hall, he poked and probed with the stick and shown the flashlight, in a manly man way.

Then he quickly threw open the back bedroom door, simultaneously flipping on the light, and jumping into the room.  I guess he was hoping for a sneak attack.  I'm pretty sure that if there was a snake's den back there, they all cleared out when I was re-enacting the scene from last night.

"ya know them snakes can be real crafty about sneaking into small spaces," he said reassuringly (?!?).  "Oh yes," I replied, "but hopefully, he ate the mouse that's been getting bold with my toilet paper."  "hm," he muttered absentmindedly, then did a double take, "what?"

So then I told him about the rather bold mouse that was chowing down on the hard plastic bakery box last week.  Mr. Mouse was so busy going to town, so pre-occupied that he completely missed the fact that I had approached the counter and switched the stove light on.  I could have reached out and plucked him up, had I wanted to.  Which I didn't.  I mean, free range mice are carriers of all sorts of vermin. 

But boy, you shoulda seen him jump when I flicked on the light.  Scared the shit right outta him, I did.  In a trail of pellets across the kitchen counter.

"So," my landlord asks nonchalantly, "is that where the toilet paper came into play?"

"Good one, but no.  The toilet paper has apparently been providing a nice nesting material for him.  I've not seen the nest.  But I've have seen some shredded toilet paper rolls under the sink in the bathroom.  Ya know, where I keep the toilet paper.  In the bathroom."  Looking at him oddly.

Quickly, he resumes his snake tales, "ya know, the snake in not poisonous {actually, I'm thinking, it's not venomous}cuz if it is as long as you say {peering at me sharply} then it isn't.  Those snakes are fat, but short."  {Oddly, I remembered Goldie Hawn's character's line in Overboard, "I was fat, and short?"}

I did not feel much better after he'd gone.  This is not thru any fault of his.  It's just, ya know, snakes are crafty.  And I do live in the middle of a hay field, which they have just mown today for the first cut of the summer.  They'll be baling it up over the next few days.  All sorts of critters' homes were disturbed, so I'm sure I have many visitors.

As long as the snake just slithers in stealthily and eats all those varmints, and then just as sneakily slips on out, I'll be just fine.  And he can stay in the back ground all he wants.  Just not the back bedroom, cuz dude, that's a little too familiar.

square it up

well, lately i've been a crocheting crochity curl.  here are a sample of the twelve inch squares that i've completed within the past week.  there are twelve of them.  altho only seven are pictured below, because i've done some duplicates of some of the ones pictured.  if you notice, fiveof them focus only on a quarter of the square.  this is to show more detail and not to be redundant since they are squares.  ya know, so each quarter of the square is the same as the other three quarters.  the one with more detail is because i wanted to show the cobbled bobbles.  There is another that was still in progress when i scanned it.

24 June 2008

cold hearted snnnnnnnnnnnaAKE

I was thinking that I wanted to call my guy.  Cuz I miss him.  Then I decided to go ahead and go pee first.   So I headed down the hall and stepped on a snake.  In my hall.  In the house.  In my hall.  In my fucking house.

Dudes, it freaked me out.

I think the snake was freaked too, cuz there was a horrible smell emitted in a sliminess.  and now, i'm really freaked.  cuz i've been smelling that smell on and off for a few days now.  and my imagination is conjuring hidden snakes slithering everywhere.  i cannot stop convulsing.  and sweating.  and every single freaking hair on my entire body is standing on end because my goosebumps have goosebumps.

it's the butler! behind the door! with the poker!!

I've been listening to an audio book which has a good plot and several good subplots and good characters and is just in general, good.  With the exception that there are some glaringly obvious (to me, anyway) events that make me wanna scream at the principle figures, "dudes!  don't be some dumb!  d'uhm dudes, d'uhm".

Normally stuff like that doesn't bother me.  I note it, but don't get all in a snit about it.  But here of late, I've been very irritable (and probably irritating too).  And I've been sniping at the cd, very much like I'm some crazed driver rabid with road rage.

Good thing my guy's not here.


I've been very thirst for a few days.  So, I've been drinking lots and lots.  And pee'ing lots and lots, often.  Which makes doing much of anything for any amount of time extremely challenging.  Case in point, my counseling session was interrupted more often by my bladder than my pregnant consoler's.  Between the two of us, a nice little path was worn from her office, across the wooden floored waiting room, thru the tiled entrance way, and down the carpeted hall (variety, i'm allllllllll about variety).

As quick as I can pour water down my throat, it escapes thru my pores is copious sweat.  And courses thru my body and flushes my cells and filters thru my kidneys and fills my bladder.  It's like I'm one of those doll babies that wets as you give it a bottle.

ain't ya glad i share stuff like this?

20 June 2008

easy, they say. faster, they say. snort, i say.

Last night, I was watching Fox (cringe) "news" and they had a lil snippet about how there are scads and scads of Mississippians who didn't file for their stimulus boost.  So the reporter admonished us slackers to go on and claim the damn money wouldja, it ain't like Bush will be remembered for anything else positive.  I dug thru my paperwork and find the ssa-1099 that was sent to me this year (it's sorta like your working person's w-2, or your self-employed person's 1099; only it's for those of us that receive funds from the social security administration~that's where the ssa comes into the 1099 picture), along with the stuff that i had on the stimulus payment info which included five pages of directions and a sample 1040A and a blank form to fill out.

And i commenced to reading the documents which were liberally peppered with "do this except in this situation and only if you have blonde hair and were born on a tuesday" sorts of missives.  those super clear and easy statements that bring to mind those logic puzzles that start out with a few statements (like:  there are seven soups served on five days and two soups are served every day, but pea soup is never served with chicken soup and crab soup is only served with chicken corn soup) and then you're spoda figure out if Mary and Jim went all the way on their second date.  so you can see that i was really excited by the line on page 2, subsection B, indent * that read, "you too can go on line! and use our super! easy! and fast! website to file your return so that you too! can claim your stimulus payment!! yes! you can!".

i was thrilled and relieved to think that no! i wasn't gonna have to suffer! thru attempting to fill out a return when i'm at way less than my operating capacity.  first i went to the "just go to our www.irs.com website to file, it's fast! easy! and blah blah blah"  that's about as long as my attention span was.  blah blah blah.

once i got to the www.irs.com site, i couldn't find the "file here" (fast! and easy!) option.  eventually i got it, but i was thinking, maybe it'd be easier to just fill out the damn form and send it in.  but then i'd have to find the address to send it to.  so i persisted.

long story a tad shorter, it took me three friggen hours to file electronically.  the thing was, once i got started, i was afraid to stop and then send in the written form cuz ya know, the irs ain't playin' and i don't need them to be thinking i'm trying to pull a quick one on them by filing twice.  so i pushed thru the eFile.

dudes, i filed single.  no children (or any other dependents).  nothing complex like iras, retirement plans, service served, educational credits and deferments etc etc.  and i have one income source as seen by people's exhibit a (the ssa-1099 aforementioned).  and it is so far below any cut-off point that it doesn't even make it on the scene (sorry but $6804 may be a laughing matter for the irs's eFiling forms and created a snafu, but for me, that money is my money and all that i got~~so yeah, $300 is no chump change to this chump.  cuz it's what, about half of my monthly income).  you'd have thought that it wouldn't have been so difficult to file.  not even in my current state.

three hours.  damn.  but those are probably the highest paid three hours i've spent in a long long time.  (i used to charge more when i was a research consultant for private firms and universities~back when i could think about more than one thing at a time and follow the threads thru)  now i'll be able to pay my electric bills this summer and use that air conditioner as it was meant to be used, by god.

coolness?  priceless

ya putz de onyunz in de budder

Sometimes, I cook when I can't sleep.

I'm adjusting, slowly and almost painfully, to the reintroduction of the meds into my system and it's kinda touchy right now.  One minute, I'm wired and wide awake and fifteen minutes later, I'm exhausted and my eyelids have slammed shut.  Another not so fun loveliness is that my appetite will go from "omg starving ravenous dump the food in my gullet now forget the chewing stuff {that's for sissies}" hunger to "banish that smelly lumpy squiggly pasty stuff from my sight and let me fling the toilet lid up cuz i can only gag so much" aversion to anything that might faintly resemble a substance that i might willingly put into my body.  yeah, i'm that fun.

which means that more times than not right now, i cook something and then the minute it comes off the stove into my bowl, my stomach starts to twist itself tighter than a bread-tie and my throat slams shut, making my tongue swell like a smarting thumb caught in your car door.  this also squeezes the tears outta me and makes sweat pop outta my pores.

or maybe i'm pregnant.

nah, not a chance.  and i do mean that, not a chance.  lack of exposure will do that to a girl, ya know.  i figured since i'm covering a wide array of bodily functions, i oughtn't to leave procreation outta the picture.

so, i'm making progress, of sorts.  i chopped up some onions and dropped some butter in the pan.  sauteed those babies perfectly, just translucent as tissue paper.  added some shredded carrot, for the color and also because steamed carrots are very sweet without being overpowering.  it smelled great, it looked great...and then i added some dried tomatoes (muwah!) and tossed it all with a ton of angel hair pasta.  i say 'ton' cuz i can't seem to make a small amount of anything, and the sauce grew to a huge portion so i needed a ton of pasta to balance it out.  that's me, allllll about balance.  yeah.

and i snorkled an entire bowl with no rebellion.  now i just gotta work on my timing.  cuz i don't think i should be cooking and eating at 4:30 in the friggen morning.  especially not pasta.  with onions.  and butter.

at least i left the garlic in the fridge.  yeah, like that'd make all the difference between a very soothing dish and a snorkling pasta bowl.  snort.

Sometimes, I ain't all there. Or here, for that matter.

Yeah so last week, I realized that I was getting low on my meds.  But because my allowable refills all have different date and I hate that, cuz it confuses me when I go and they say to my monkey-butt (thanks, jerb) that I need to wait on these two til this date and this here other one to this here date and oh! that one doesn't even have a refill, ya twit.  well, then i can't keep it all straight.  i like it better when my Rxs all have the same number of refills and were filled on the same date and so can be refilled on the same date.

Yeah so, when I realized I was getting low on my meds, last week (pay attention); I dug around in my overflow and lo! and behold! I found enough meds of the right sort in the right dosages to last me til I can go and get everything refilled at once.  by "overflow", i mean those extra days worth of pills that you have every month that most prescriptions have built into them, as extra padding.  I take a lot of meds, for a long time, so I've got me my cushion fluffed nice and full.  Just for times like these.

'xepting, I didn't have extra-overflow-padding-cushion of one med.  and i wasn't paying attention cuz i had it all set up with the others.  ya know, my own lil six pack system, with the bottles lined up according to when i take what.  i've tried those lil pill sorters and all, but they actually goof me up worse cuz i don't see when i'm getting low.

well, that one med?  the one i didn't have?  the one i finished friday?  (k, i didn't say that before, but i just did)  I rediscovered what happens to me when i go without that particular med.  it ain't pretty.  and because the absence of that particular med in my system means that i have next to no mental acuity and way increased fatigue and confusion...well, i didn't link my off-kilter poor feeling with the absence of said med.  til tuesday morning.

d'uhm, debbie, d'uhm.

so now that i'm back on the med, more of me is here.  here i am!  ta-da!!

08 June 2008

minty mint tea

Well, I now turn the air conditioner off, while making tea.  It seems that there is a little too much draw on the circuit and altho the breaker doesn't flip, the fridge does lose power and so to prevent that from happening, I just turn the ac off while the tea drips thru its tea pot (which is a drip coffee pot that has only ever had tea run thru it since I acquired it~~coffee drinkers who visit will find a small four cup pot for their coffee and the bigger twelve cup pot for tea tea tea!!).  I'm not exactly sure what's up with the breaker not flipping and yet the fridge losing power.  I've decided that's really not the issue, the issue is that by turning the ac off, while making tea, I can prevent myself from going thru the hassle of standing in the bathroom, moving the chair in the hall from one side of the bathroom door to the other side of the bathroom door and then squeezing into the room behind that and getting to the breaker box and then flipping all the breakers (cuz i don't know which one is the one the fridge is on) and then flipping them all on and then squeezing back into the bathroom, and moving the chair back from the other side of the bathroom door to the other side of the door and then checking to make sure that all is fine.

So, all that to say, the fridge is fine and boy am i glad!  one reason i am immensely happy is because i've been making pots of tea, pouring them into pitchers filled with ice cubes, and placing them inside the fridge because damn, it's hot.  i usually drink most of my drinks at room temp.  but! here lately i've not only been drinking my minty mint tea cold, but! also with ice, which is so utterly unlike me that my guy is sure that i am becoming more normal and less eccentric.

like that's possible.

06 June 2008

that's the price of snobbee-cell-phone use, biotch

While I was out running my errands today, I realized that I had not mailed an envelope that I had meant to weeks ago.  So I went in the post office to buy stamps and also to mail off that note.  There was a short line, which since there is always a line at the post office (it's a government mandate), I was just glad that it was short.  The rather impatient self-important snotty i-clearly-don't-deserve-to-wait-with-all-you-people-tsk well-dressed, coiffed, made-up, manicured woman snatched up her ringing cell phone and commenced to have a very loud conversation all the while eying the rest of the customers and the two employees with profound distaste.

In fact, when it was her turn, she held up her wait-a-minute finger to the employee and then quickly spat 'out a book of stamps' and placed a twenty dollar bill on the counter.  When she received her stamps, she fished in her bag (not a purse, it was definitely her very fashionable 'bag'), turned on her tidy little bony high-heel and strutted out.

The clerk did not raise her voice to call after her, but very conversationally said, "would you want your change then?"  No one else in the line called out to get the lil snott's attention either.  Cuz twelve dollars in change?  That's the price you pay for snobbee cell-phone usage.

Kenya say, "comeuppance"?

my fridge thawth out

SO the other day, after I made my tea, I went back to bed.  I wasn't feeling so good.  Nothing new, just one of those days when I feel off.  When I awoke, I stumbled to the kitchen to pour myself a cuppa ambition, yawn'n stretch'n try to come alive...oh, wait, that would be if I was workin' nine ta five.

I opened the fridge and noticed my light was out and thought, 'crap, another light bulb to replace' cuz in the past few weeks, I've replaced six light bulbs and I only have ten light bulb sockets in the first place.  Then I realize that there is a funky offal oder wafting outta my dark dank fridge.  And then I opened the freezer, and the ice block from the roof fell and shattered into lots of little ice shards, spraying onto the floor, melting into lil puddles instantaneously.

I had to toss ev.ry.thing in the fridge, tho managed to save some stuff in the freezer (tho I am thinking the meat ought to be tossed, rather than chancing it).  Ev.ree.thing.

The silver lining?  I've never seen my fridge look so nice and clean.  And I needed to defrost my freezer anyway.

Earlier today, I went to the store, spent $162-and-some-change out of the available $165 dollars I had left over after paying rent, electricity, garbage (ya know, those essentials; the phone bill will wait til next month.  sigh).  Leaving me with two bucks and some change, cuz damn can I budget or what?!?  Lots of fresh veggies, eggs, milk, etc.  yea!!  I'm a healthy girl!!

05 June 2008

Lisa's Thank-You Afghan

 Well, what started out as a small but heartfelt gift for Lisa (my landlady) to thank her for all the extras (like feeding my dogs, on those times when I do go elsewhere, like up to Oxford to visit my guy in his habitat) quickly grew into a larger more intricate project as seen here.  It started a couple weeks ago as a lapghan and is now an afghan that will generously fit her king-sized bed with a good overlap as all serviceable covers should have.  There is nothing quite so irritating as a blanket that just barely fits over the top over the mattress, unable to adequately cover the sleeping contorted form of two persons.  Especially if you are like me, where you like to tuck in plenty of extra around your ears and shoulders and a few inches tucked under you as well, making you into a sort of burrito with hair sticking out the top, propped on a pillow, emitting strangling gurgles which some call 'snores' but which I call 'sound slumber'.

Lisa loves colors, nice and bright cheery colors.  Lots of them.  And so I was liberal with the sunny yellow, the lime green, the deep orange, the too purple, the hottest pink, and the electric blue.  She also like combinations of texture and patterns, so I used lots of extra little bobbles and faces and bows and spirals and poofy puffs along with slip, chain, single, double, half-double, and treble stitches in rows and rounds and rounds within rounds.  Terribly busy sounding, but quite visually pleasing I think.  It brings to mind a sort of tropical theme.

Entirely too loudly cheerful for me, but perfect for her!

03 June 2008

hot makes me cranky

Yesterday, I heard a knock, so I went to the door and saw no one.  So I hollered, "hello?" and my landlord hollered back, "push the foam".  I immediately did as he asked, and pushed the foam.  Wouldn't you?

So yes, I now have a brand spankin' new air conditioner that seems to be working just fine, able to handle the fact that it is covering an open space of two rooms, the fact that it is in the kitchen, and the fact that there is poor insulation here in the trailer (what trailer does not have poor insulation, I ask of you).  I'm sitting pretty.  And cool.  And much more pleasant to be around.