28 July 2005

Wed cont'd

My guy had called.  His truck was in need of repair.  Great need.

The AC went out.  His brakes were going out.  And what is that bing, gurgle, bing sound??

So I drove up to his place after some heavy duty nappage.

We went to the garage.  Then went to a local sorta-deli.  It's a soup/salad/sandwich place but with a twist.  Hard to describe much more than that.

So today, Thursday, my guy gives his final!!!  Yea!!!!  finally!!  this was such the suck-ass experience for him.  I felt just awful for him.  I wanted to tell him you'll get used to having part of the class failing, no matter what.  But in the ten years I've taught college courses, I've discovered that even if you give them the exact questions prior to the test, there are some folks who are still gonna fail.  Ya can take in to the bank.

Recap Wed

Yesterday, I called Medicare.

But wait!  Let's revisit last Thursday.  I went to the local Medicaid office, who sent me to the social security office, who told me I must call the Medicare offic.  I asked if I couldn't speak to someone, face to face.  The woman looked at me, snapped and swiveled her little head on her little neck and all but shouted, I said, no!

Yeah, so ok, it took til yesterday for me to gather my wits about me and call medicare.  She wass rather nice and answered as many questions as possible.  Then she started to refer me to the medicaid office for help on the other questions I had written.  So I told her about medicaid palming me off on social security and so on.

She was shocked.  Horrified.  And dare I say that I detected a little relish in her voice?  Why, yes, I do dare!

So she typed up a few complaints at my request and submitted them and I should hear something from someone on Monday or Tuesday.

26 July 2005

ANother Tuesday Tidbit

Cole Porter wrote and sang, "It's Too Darn Hot".

I couldn't agree with him more.

Temp:  99

Heat Index:  OMFG, nappage required.

25 July 2005

Oh, and I'd like to say,

damn, it's HOT.  93 degrees.  In the shade.

Take into account HUMIDITY, and right now the heat index is around 105.

AND the hottest part of our day usually falls between 2-4.  So, the projected temps reach 98.  The heat index is forecasted to hit 110.

I have the PERFECT excuse for not mowing my lawn today.  You'd need to be insane to get out there in this heat.  And I am mental, but not insanely stupid.  Take THAT to the bank.

"Home, Home again, I like to be here when I can"

Well, although I had a good weekend, visitting friends, having picnics and such; I was immensely relieved when I parked in my own yard last night. Which brings up an interesting point.  And it fits nicely with Monday's Mental Illness Information.

While many people with mental illnesses are NOT rainmanesque in their need for routine and familiar surroundings, most of us do function better if we do have some amount of routine.  This routine can be highly individualized and often times whatever works for that particular individual.  Very few of us like to have our lives hemmed into a box that someone else forces upon us, but discovering what works well for us and then sticking with it makes life a little more predictable, a little less threatening, and a little more enjoyable.

Many of these things can be said of everyday people, not just those with mental illnesses.  By no means do we corner the market!  So, not only am I happy to be home, with my pups, but I am also glad to be in my own surroundings, able to adhere to my own routine.

22 July 2005

hey there from alabam

yesterday was a very odd day.

i tried to do my medical stuff.  they sent me from one office to the other to the phone, cuz they said that there is no person that i can meet face to face.  how can that be?

anyway, i decided to worry about it next week.  so i drove over to alabama.  see some of my friends.

but first, i wanted to make the rounds i have been dreading.  stopping by to see my old properties.  seeing folks who were my life of then and have no place in it now.

o m g, my life is so much better now than it had been then.  omg.  i cannot even begin to express the horrific conditions of my previous life, as evidences by the blast from the past.

on the upside though, i did also see some wonderful folks that i've missed.  in fact, now i am spending the weekend with some of my friends i've not seen in awhile.  and i think it will all be just fine, even fun.  grin.

i'm getting sleepy.  yesterday was a big day.  more when i get home.

love  to  ya's


21 July 2005

Don't phunk w/my mind

Long story, somewhat shorter.

Last week, I had an online chat with a technical customer service rep from GATEWAY.  She told that I would be receiving a replacement keyboard.  She said that I would not be charged unless I failed to return the damaged keyboard.  She said that all the information and instructions regarding both the installation of the keyboard and the return of the damaged keyboard would be included with the new keyboard.

I know this because not only do I remember our chat.  But I saved it.  Smart girl, I can sometimes be (as yoda would say).

Ok, so I get the keyboard.  No instructions.  No problem.  I download installation of replacement keyboard and print instructions for ease of access while replacing said keyboard.  I call GATEWAY and speak with a customer service representative regarding returning the damaged keyboard.

She tells me how to return it.  I write everything down.  I write very very slowly.  It's a problem I have always had.  (That's why I type so often, and use my keyboard, thus wearing it out, hello!!)  I repeat everything back to her so that I can verify that I have written everything correctly.

She tells me that I needn't be so concerned because the information she is giving me will be emailed to me in about five minutes.  She also tells me that my account has already been charged and will be reimbursed upon receipt of damaged keyboard.  This concerns me greatly as it is so not what I was already told by a representative.

I know this because not only do I remember the conversation; but, I wrote everything down.  Wise woman, I can sometimes be (as yoda might say).

So, Tuesday evening, my keyboard is replaced (yea!! Victor!!   Yea!  GATEWAY).  Wed.  damaged keyboard is returned (yea!!  FED-EX!!  Yea!!).

UMmmmmmmmmmmm, Thursday, oh about 36 hrs after telephone conversation in which I was told that I would receive information via email within 5 minutes (hm, 5 minutes, mmm 36 hrs....seeing a problem here?) I finally receive email from GATEWAY telling how to return keyboard I have returned already.

So, I replied.  I pointed out that this was extremely untimely.  I pointed out the troubling inconsistency of the information regarding billing of account.

Also, I wrote that I hope that the rest of the transaction (meaning reimbursement) will progress smoothing and in a timely manner.  This is particularly because their conduct has not been very promising.  Also because the account being affected is my guy's debit/checking acct.  Don't phunk with my guy's accnt, when it comes to my matters.

Fear w/in Me & My Mask

Wanna know sumpin scares the piss outta me?

I can be a fairly intelligent woman.  I know sometimes that might hard to believe, especially when I am using language like that above.  But I know who I am, for the most part.

I know I wouldn't have a Master's degree if I weren't intelligent.  I know I wouldn't lived through and done some of things I have, if I weren't somewhat intelligent.  I know I wouldn't be establishing an ongoing support-group for those with mental illnesses and brain disorders, if I weren't intelligent.

So what's the problem?  What scares me is when I am not intelligent.  No matter how temporary the objective time period is; subjectively, time becomes elastic and I hate every single solitary moment that I am battling for and sometimes against my own wits.

I'm speaking of times when I read some of my old academic books, and I can't seem to comprehend what I wrote in the margins.  I'm speaking of times when panic has sped my world into a whirl that I feel cannot slow or control.  I'm speaking of the wired-but-tired times of peaked mania when I feel I have donned my red dancing shoes of death and am spinning relentlessly.

Sure, everyone makes bad decisions from time to time.  Some more so than others.  This is true for us all.

It bothers me; unsettles me; that I cannot seem to clearly express, explain, or convey what is happening to me sometimes because I have no words for it.  I tell someone, please be prepared, I am not like I was three years ago, or even two, and in some ways, not even one.  I might seem dull to some who knew me, back when.

I have isolated myself in the past two years in some very radical ways.  The internet has been my connection to the outside world for weeks on end.  For months, I only spoke with a handful of people in real-life.  Slowly, I have started to widen that circle somewhat.

If I feel I cannot deal with interaction, I don't.  I turn off the ringer on my phone and let my answering service take messages.  Few people have been to my home.  Even online, if I don't want to chat, I don't sign on to Yahoo!  IM or AIM.  I guard my privacy with intensity.

Travel tires me.  I used to drive from southern Georgia to northeastern Pennsylvania, pretty much non-stop.  But now, there are times when a trip to townand back are more than I can handle.

I haven't driven to see my folks (8hrs away) for over 2 years.  Very rarely can I make the hour trip to Tupelo and back in one day.  When I drive the 2 hours to my guy's, I am out of sorts, exhausted, irritable, worn, for a day or two.  That's why when I go to see him, I plan to stay for an extended period.

It isn't just the travel, because sometimes I sleep while others drive.  It's the change in routine, the change in space, the feeling that I am off-balance.  I used to "handle" being off-balance.  But I can't anymore.

What I am trying to say, and have no clue if this is coming through....is that in many ways I feel raw and stripped-down.  Delovely (not in the way Cole Porter meant) and ungraceful, ackward and fragile....as I try to move forward from day to day, activity to activity, decision to decision.

Sometimes I can fly.  Sometimes all I can do is be.  Just exist.  And sometimes that HAS to be enough, because it's all I can do.

This post wasn't meant to be a "pity/woe is me" party for one.  Rather, to explain what I am like sometimes.  What I fear sometimes.  How I am different than I used to be, sometimes.

Why am I typing this now?  Well, two reasons hit me both this week.  My medical coverage is about to change in some very radical ways.  I was not prepared for this.  I am not sure how all this is going down.  I'll be making rounds and visiting all the governmental offices I must in order to learn what I can, to make sense of this for myself.

The other reason is because some friends whom I haven't visited in years have a special event occuring this weekend.  They've invited me.  I want to go, but I am so afraid.

I am afraid that the trip will exhaust me, that I will be irritable, that I will not be the "fun-loving weird freaky friend" they are used to.  OR the trip could very easily trigger a kindling effect.  Rapid cycling into a hard mania is worse than depression for me.  That would so not be a good thing to happen.  Especially when I am not in my own space, my own environment, my own routine.

I'm worried that the combination of the medical unknowns that I am currently struggling with, the questions of coverage (for instance, I don't even know if my counseling will still be covered)....I am worried that those concerns coupled with the concerns of the trip and weekend....I am afraid it is too much for me to handle.

I am thinking I need to bow out.  It hurts me.  I feel I am hurting my friends whom I plan(ned) to visit this weekend.  I feel I have betrayed them.  Yet, I know I have not.  I think to go, may be betraying myself.  Hurting myself moreso.

So, may be I am more of a mental-case than some folks realize.  And ya know what?  That's alright.  Cuz I have to do what I need to do to insure that I am ok within my own being, my own mind.

Does any of this make sense to anyone?

20 July 2005

Repost from original Debra's Daily Dose (Sun 5 Dec 04)

tid bit (snicker) Whenever I feel penis envy coming over me, I simply pump my own gas.  Shaking the nozzle for that last drip...it being the right height and everything, well, there ya go.  I pump my gas always, but don't feel penis envy always, kinda like the square/rectangle thing, ya know?

Wonderful Discovery

Stick with me here, I promise it all comes together.

Ok, most of y'all know I got two TV channels, fuzzy and fuzzier.  And most of the time, they don't even come in that good.  It's all static to me.

But that's ok.  Mostly, cuz I love to read and write and I got this lil baby (the computer, internet, I mean to say).  Also, since I didn't really have TV when I was a kid, I don't really miss it all that much now.

BUT, when I am around a functional unit, I tend to get sssssucked right in.  I become fascinated with the commercials.  I forget to swallow and my eyes become glazed over.  Picture a drooling ijit with the dumb cow enrupted look and that'd be me.

Every now and then though, I hear about a show that sounds really good.  Last year, when I was visiting my folks in Arkansas, I saw an AD for MONK.  I thought, heeeeyyyyy, now that's a show I'd like to see.

Did not.

Ok so a few weeks back my "T" key on my laptop came off.  I swear I did not pry it!!  Gateway sent a new tab, but no instructions and while trying to replace it, I ended up tearing the silicone cone right off.

I am such the klutz.

So I call them, the Gateway folks send me a new keyboard.  K, now I think there is some weird logic there.  Hmmm, can't replace one key, let's send her a whole entire board.

I call on my friend's expertise.  PPpppppppppppuleeeeze help me.  He says, sure.  So I go over earlier, he fixes it, I'm a happy camper.

PLUS, I got to visit with a really cool guy.  AND he lent me the entire first season of MONK.  How cool is THAT?!?

I just watched the first disk which contains the pilot and two other episodes.  It is wonderful stuff.  Sheer delight.

See, and you didn't think this all was gonna get tied together somehow.

Oh ye of little faith.

19 July 2005


I don't care if it's a dry heat or humid.

105 fahrenheit is HHHHHhhhhhhhot.

That's all I have to say about that.

(I don't have enough energy to say anything el

Tuesday's Tidbits: On Being Me

Giving you a little piece of my heart, sharing the love, can ya dig it?

I love to read, to visit with good friends, to do cawfee and tawk, to play with my dogs, to write, to eat really good ice-cream, to visit with my parents, and most of all, I love being with my guy.

For those who don't realize, my guy and I live 2 hrs apart.  He is west of Oxford and I am north of Starkville (that's Mississippi).  We get together when we can.  We talk either by phone or IM almost everyday, even if it's just to say, I care, I love ya, I'm thinking of ya.

My 65 lb. black lab has been with me since was 2 months old.  She is almost four years old.  Shaddow is so beautiful, soft, and sweet-mannered.

She loves Ziggee, who joined our home in April.  He is 2 yrs old and under 10 pounds.  He is a "rat-cha".  Rat terrier are often called Feist.  There is some chihuahua in him too.  So he is slightly bigger than a chihuahua, but smaller than a feist.  His coat is not as soft as Shaddow's.  But he does not shed nearly as much either.  Shaddow has two coats, and webbed toes, to help her swim.  Cuz that's what labs are supposed to do.

I was a cat-person til a few years ago.  Even though I loved em, I was terribly allergic.  But we never had dogs that weren't puppies.  So I did not know if I really liked Dogs or not.  By default I ended up with Shaddow.  I wouldn't give her up for the world.  I've also grown very attached to Ziggee in the short time he's been here.

The pups get along fine.  They play together.  Ziggee copies the way Shaddow lays to sleep.  It is so very calming to pet them when they are sleeping and all relaxed.

So sometimes when I think I am going to pull the cool earth over me and sprout thick green grasses, I focus on my dogs.  Because they are more than dogs to me, more than pets.  They are my companions.

I need them just as much if not more than they need me.

18 July 2005

Panic Attacks

Around 7pm, I checked my snail mail.  There was an envelope full of Medicare stuff.  I receive Medicaid.  I freaked.

See, as mentioned in an earlier entry, last year here in Mississippi, the legislators decided that folks that receive both medicare and medicaid don't need medicaid and so those folks lost medicaid benefits.  So, I'll look some stuff up now.  I'll look some stuff up tomorrow.  I'll make phone calls.  I will try to deal with this as best I can. 

With a lil help from my friends.  Thanks Anne, Dan, and Scott.  It meant lots to me that you'll stayed online while I went on my roller-coaster ride for one.  whew.

So now, I am very afraid.  A little more clear-headed then an hour ago when I began to hyperventilate, sweat, get chills, blurred vision, heart rate tripled (at least that's what it felt like).  That's what panic is like for me.  Oh, throw in some tears, a hurting head, and the inability to form cohesive thoughts and you're a little closer to the target.  Ok, actually, if you can imagine an overwhelming need to flee that'll just about do it.

There is nowhere to run to, baby.

Monday's Mental Illness Information: NAMI's Mission

Fairly recently, NAMI changed it's name from National Alliance for the Mentally Ill to National Alliance on Mental Illness.  I think it is a good change because we can focus on generalities common to a particular disorder at a national level, while it seems it would be difficult to focus on individuals with mental illnesses at a national level.  In my opinion, labeling a person as MENTALLY ILL identifies their whole person as their diagnoses.  That's just not the case.  People first, as the ADA's language is coached, means that a person with mental illness can be seen as a total person who has a disorder but that their identity is not merely their illness.

Below is a blurp straight from the NAMI literature that I'd received this past weekend at the In Our Own Voices Training.  It focuses on the mission of NAMI.  NAMI has really changed and grown in the last 25 yrs.

"The National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) was esablished in 1979 by a group of family members of those with severe mental illnesses.  Its mission was threefold:
~~To support those with menal illnesses and their families in finding coping mechanisms for their daily struggle with these illnesses;
~~To educate those with mental illnesses, their families, and the general public about mental illness with the goal of dispelling ignorances and stigma; and
~~To advocate for more research and an improved system of mental health services across the nation.

Today NAMI is a powerful self-help and advocacy organizationn.  It is the nation's largest grass-roots organization dedicated to improving the lives of all people with severe mental illnesses."

(please note:  italics are my emphases)

17 July 2005

Ice Cream Cone Day

I went snooping at 123greetings.com to see what sort of events and holidays that might have listed.

They've declared it "Ice Cream Cone Day".

I did not have an cone, but I did have ice-cream....

Does that count?

"the hours" ticked by

Earlier today my guy and I had driven past an old closed movie theater.

I said, "The last movie I saw there was also the first one I saw there, guess that'd make it the only one I'd seen there."

My guy agreed.

I continued, "It was "The Hours".  Did you ever see it?"

My guy denied it.

I pressed on, "It was the one about, oh what's her name, she was very very depressed and eventually put rocks in her pockets and waded into the river and drowned.  Oh, you know....Nicole Kidman played her."

My guy remained silent and gazed out the windshield.

I muttered, "And Myrle Streep was in it.  And ah, ah, ah, oh, that other woman that was sorta popular for awhile and she was in that other movie with uh, ya know the one after "Silence of the Lambs".   Ya know, she played Clarice Starling?"

My guy maintained his silence and was now gazing at me.

I was becoming increasingly flustered, "K, so anyway, the movie, "The Hours" was really good.  I just can't remember who it was about.  She wrote all the time."

Very tentatively my guy offered, "Sylvia Plath?"

"No, no, no, she has her own movie and I think ummm, uh, either Paltrow or Diaz portrays her."

He tries again, cuz obviously this is really bothering me, "Dorothy Parker?"

"No, no, no, she was played by Winona Ryder I think, or maybe I'm wrong...."

He lapses into silence.

I admit momentary defeat, but vow that I will win the battle I waged against myself, "You know good and well that as soon as I get home, I am looking it up on the net."

He nods.

About 15 minutes later, I cry triumphantly from the study, "Virginia Wolff!!"

He agrees with relief.

I feel better.

I think he feels better that I feel better, cuz I'm pretty sure it was starting to get to him.

He puts up with lots.

I love him so.

16 July 2005

A common complaint

undergraduate student:
    You mean, I was supposed to buy the textbook?

    Yes.  Reading it would have been the next step.

    But since I didn't read the book, can't you let me take a make-up?

    No.  That would be grossly unfair to the students who read the syllabus, bought and read the textbook, attended class, and followed the instructions.

    but, this is soooooooooooooo stupid.  I mean this course isn't even all that important to me.

    Then neither will the failing grade you've earned seem important.

    stk (this sound is accompanied with a roll of the eyes, a glare, a flip of the hair, a stomp of the foot, and/or a slam of the office door)

**A side note:  I really like it when the student tries to slam a pneumatic door.  Hey, I take my chucks where I can get them.

Not a Real Cop,

didn't even play one on TV; but, Victor Edward Willis was the cop in the Village People.  Remember them?  Heard of them?  Ya know, YMCA, MACHO MAN, and IN THE NAVY?  Flashback to the 70s?  Yeah, them.

Well, it seems recently Willis got pulled over in his Corvette by a real cop in California.  Things aren't looking so good for the guy.  No valid license, no registration, no insurance, then there's the lying...cops are pains about that pesky lil thing, like pretending you are someone else...oh, and let's not forget the .45, coke, and all its paraphenelia.

Although Willis lives in a mobile home, he was able to post the $100,000 bail.  Gosh, Wally, how'd that happen?  Anyway, Willis faces arraignment 16 August.

On a lighter note,

well, actually, I'm sure to the Mom of this baby girl, the matter was definitely NOT light.

"CORBIN, Ky. - A baby girl weighing a whopping 14 pounds, 3 ounces was born in Kentucky, a hospital official said. The baby was born Tuesday by Caesarean section and appeared healthy, said Susan Whittymore, a nursing supervisor at Baptist Regional Medical Center"

OK, just the IDEA of that makes me cringe.   That's a really, really big baby.  Really.

Rally in Support of Protest

Rii'cher in Starkville, Mississippi

Dorothy Bishop has a beef to pick, so do most of us who receive medicaid coverage (or lack thereof) for medication.  The MAJOR difference is that this 62 year old woman stepped up to the plate to grab the public's and representatives' attention.  Or rather she lay down, upon the bed she made, on the porch of Oktibbeha County's Courthouse.

See, last year Haley Barbour and the Merry Band of Mississippi's Legislature decided that receipients of both medicaid and medicare don't really need both.  So, he dropped medicaid benefits, affecting over 65,000 constituents directly.  This does not take into account their families, care-providers, etc.  B'bye to services besides absence of medications.  Services like, oxygen tanks, dialysis, diabetes supplies, and more were poof! gone.

If THAT weren't enough, medicaid has been cut this year (actually this month, and we only got notice about it mid-June, wonderful, eh?).  Among other changes, we now are limited to coverage of a MAXIMUM of five (5) prescriptions per month, with a MAXIMUM of two (2) of those being name-brand.  Most pharmaceutical companies that do offer assistance to the indegent, have criteria such as you cannot have any prescription coverage at all.  So for those of us with medicaid, even though coverage is severely inadequate, we cannot qualify for most other programs.

Not only was this not a smart move socially, ethically, etc.; but Barbour cut his nose off to spite his face.  The largest demographic to put him in office are those very folks now hurting because of his legislature's actions.  Elderly, disabled, and poor be damned is the message most of us are hearing loud and clear.

I myself am prescribed more than the allotted five and more than two are brand-name, because there is no generic alternative.  And you probably already guessed that most of my meds are not cheap.  About $500 worth of medication passes over my lips per month.  Three of my medications are about $100 each.

So, today, there is a rally protesting legislation and the cut-backs.  Supporters of Bishop won't be alone at the courthouse.  In fact, I'm fairly sure that we'll see a nice crowd of people representing various demographics. Young, old, disabled, single, family, working class, professionals, white, black, hispanics, and college students will be there.

I hope it does SOME good, although I have my doubts.  Call me cynically jaded if you must, but the truth is North Mississippi doesn't seem to exist to the folks calling the shots down in Jackson.  Not surprised, just disappointed.

14 July 2005

In Our Own Voices

National Alliance On Mental Illness --  NAMI

From Friday 8th through Sunday 10th, I participated along with 16 others in NAMI's In Our Own Voices Training.  First let me say, it was awesome.  We had a great trainer who kept us focused and on track, was patient, and she had a wicked sense of humor that we all loved.  A great big shout out to Miss Sarah!!!

We had a chance to hone our own stories so that we can speak to various audiences in the hopes to better educate them about being mentally ill.  The ultimate goal is to decrease stigma and discrimination.  Knowledge is power.

Also, if the group is made up of those who are newly diagnosed, then we can offer them hope and a brighter beacon.  Even though all of our experiences are different, tthere are many similarities.  Like deep feelings of despair during darkest days when we hit rock bottom.

Acceptance for all of us occurs differently in the details, but follows a general pattern.  Treatment generally includes medication, therapy, maybe group support, etc.  Coping skills commonly include routine, rest, good diet, exercise, support network...but some things work better for some than others.  For instance, I love to read and write.  But someone else might find painting to be calming.

Then we wrap up with focusing on past, present, and future successes, hopes, and dreams.  One of my successess is that I have been, am, and will be working to establish a support group for this general area.  I hope that one day I will be able to finish my PhD.  I dream that the relationship with my guy continues tto grow and we might one day marry and have a family.

So, that was my weekend in a "nut" shell.

05 July 2005

Posting possibilities

This weekend, I will be participating in NAMI's In Our Own Voice Training down in Raymond, MS (which is just west of Jackson).  So I most likely won't be posting til next week.  As for this week, I am preparing for the conference so I might not post much in the next few days either.

04 July 2005

No sleeping with the Fishes allowed

I don't run with wolves; I sleep with my dogs.


Blog + Congestion = Blah


Ya know, sometimes my life and its events may seem boring to others...but then again, that's not really my problem, now is it?  I am not owning THAT problem, I got enough that are legitimately mine in the first place without going around looking for problems.  So if this isn't your cup of tea today, move on.  It could be my life and its events are never your cup of tea, because you cannot abide by the stuff.  If so, that's fine.  There are other fishes in the sea, blogs to read, move along.

Having said all that, I'm ready to resume my post.  Whew.  (don't go twisting MY panties in a wad, she mutters as she shleps off)

My brain has been swirling with activity one hour and then frizzled into exhaustion the next.  At which time, I climb aboard my newly acquired second-hand queen bed and set sail for oblivion.  The dogs usually climb up after I have arranged myself just so.

I love my slumber.  Especially deep restful sleep that revitalizes all the spaces deep in my soul and psyche.  Even if I have troubled dreams, even if I awake as exhausted as before I dropped into the realm of subconsciousness...even then, I welcome sleep.

That is because I know what it is like for me to not sleep.  I am not speaking of your late night/early morning "burning the candle at both ends" shortage of sleep.  I mean the extended periods of about 72 hours or more with no rest, let alone sleep.

I am not an intern.  I am not attempting residency.  I am not participating in extended marathons requiring alertness.

In fact, I strive to maintain healthy sleep hygiene.  Admittedly, sometimes I fail miserably at that, setting of a nasty cycle of events that could quickly escalate into hypermania.  This is not pretty to witness.  It is not pleasant to experience.  It is something to avoid at nearly all costs.

Having said that, I know that sometimes lose of sleep and disturbance in sleep routines cannot be avoided.  I just try to minimize that sort of occurance as much as I can.  That really is all I can do.

Adequate, quality sleep is a must for everyone.  If you yourself are not getting the sleep you need, please do yourself (and every one else around you) a favor and work towards setting a better schedule, creating a more conducive environment, and achieving the sleep you deserve.  This message has been brought to you by the letter "zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz".

03 July 2005

My Big July 2nd (grin)

So, ok, this morning started off with us both being a bit on the short side of our tempers, not for any one particular reason but the damn heat and humidity was not helping matters at all.  My guy and I were in his pick-up, rolling down my dusty-ass country dirt road when we meet this other vehicle coming toward us with the two men and one woman waving frantically at us.  So we stop along side them.

"I lost me a lil ole brown n white mule.  She sho is a beeeyooouuut."  says the driver.
The woman leans over, as though the additional 6 inches is going to help us hear her better over the truck engines and such.  "the game warden said she's out this-a way"
The other man seats silently against the passenger door.  I have a feeling he must be no stranger to that position.
The driver says, "yap, so if'n ya see her, give us a call."

We didn't have to.  Because the mule came out of the tall hay onto the gravel road behind them and started to amble on away.  So we pointed out that the mule was right there, behind them.  The woman shoved the man out of the way, he held the door open for her and then got back in to resume his position once she grabbed the pail and rope from the bed of the truck and went to catch her the mule.

The driver was right, she sure was a pretty lil thing.  The mule, not the woman.

We continued on into town, where I was going to upgrade my sleeping accomodations.  I was thinking it would be a simple deal.  Not a big production.  Nope.  I thought wrong.

See, a couple months ago, I decided that the reason that I was not getting much sleep when my guy came over was because my bed was a full size while his is California King.  We were both accostumed to our own sprawl.  Now, that was not to slight my guy, cuz there are other reasons I might not get much sleep when he is here, but being mindful of AOL's TOS...well, I'm sticking to the "not enough room to sleep" story.

By the way, no one has box SPRINGS anymore, they have platforms (which they call springs, but there are no springs involved).  Platforms are usually poorly constructed from cheap materials and cannot withstand wear and tear.  The yellow pine 1x1 which is stabled to the cardboard is NOT the same as springs.  Just thought ya might like to know.

So, long story somewhat shorter...I found this good deal where I could exchange one of the mattresses I had for a complete queen sized set.  Or so I thought, cuz it may be not such a good deal.  It's all said and done with, over, so now we wait.

But right now, it ain't looking so good for the mattress queen, I mean, team.  Tonight, my guy mutters to me that the bed is too friggin hard.  On the prepice of sleep he mumbles that he might as well go on, because he can tell he won't be able to (snore).

I have enough room to arrange my limbs just so.  Settling my head at just the right angle, I close my eyes and sigh.  Then after two hours I finally get up.  Cuz my guy is doing the herky jerky in his sleep and I'm not getting any (sleep that is).  I don't know if he has restless leg syndrome, if he was having a bad night's rest, if he was dreaming of falling, or what.  But it was one spasm after another and not quite enough time for me to get to sleep between times.

Anyway, we find the mule, we exchange bed sets, we get said set set-up, take showers, and head out to Old Navy.  My guy has been so sweet to me.  Especially during the whole mattress, bed, "how does the friggen frame fit" thing...

Now folks, ya ain't gonna be believing me on this, but...I hate to shop.  Very rarely will I enjoy shopping.  We went to Old Navy (I thought) so we could get some clothes for him.  Cuz he likes to look good and rightly so.

Before today, I have never been inside an Old Navy.  Freaky, huh?

Well, let me tell ya, those folks in the fitting room were probably glad to see my butt leave the store, because I must have tried on every style of clothing in the plus size in that store.  We found a very cool jacket, sorta "Spanglish" like, in a sage green.  Love it, love it, love it.  Two black halter-tops...blush, I decided to try on one of the maternity tops and it fit better than the regular ones, so I bought it, dammit!!  Actually, these were all treats from my guy.

He took me to a chinese restaurant.  Wonderful.  Then he took me back to Old Navy and I tried on 12 pairs on pants (I kid you not, I even threw in another pair so I'd have a baker's dozen).  Sweat was rolling down my cheeks, I was reminded why I don't really care to shop.  It's not fun struggling in and out of stuff and painful for me to stand there and stare in the mirror.

But I modeled for my guy, and we would laugh and joke about some of the stuff.  No right minded company should have ever cut size 2xl warm-ups with pink and purple elephants dancing on them.  That's just WRONG, people!!

My guy was amazing and helped enormously with the decions of what looked good and what did not.  The shopping trip turned into an all about me spree and he was really cool with that.  In fact, I think he was pretty tickled with my "kid set loose in a candy store" reaction.

So, first we find a mule, then we take it to the mattresses (not the mule, just a phrase I thought would be appropriate), then we go shopping, break for dinner, and shop some more.

But wait!!  It's not over.  Nope.

We went to see "War of the Worlds".  It was pretty good.  Towards the beginning of the movie, just as all hell breaks loose (I feel I can say that and not be spoiling any surprises here, right?), I think, "what would I do, if something so totally beyond my realm of comprehension were to rear its ugly little head and bite my butt..."  Let's hope THAT never happens, cuz I would be about as useful as a semi-formed bowl of jello.

Anyway, that was my big day, and it's not even the fourth yet!!  Enjoy the rest of your holiday weekend and be SAFE.