31 March 2008



I'll take better pix and provide better explanations, just hang in there!  To the folks who have sent me private eMails, I will also send you the info via eMail.  Thanks for all your comments and questions,  I appreciate the interest and feedback!

Have a great evening!

(i'm not sure when i'll create the post, tonight or tomorrow i'd imagine)

{sigh} he loves me...blink.blink

Well, my guy usually gets up very early on Monday (like 5a early, i KNOW! egads, right?) and then drives his hour and a half home to Oxford to start his day at work and in the lab.  I don't usually get up with him, in fact, I usually am rather comatose at that hour (and for a few hours after that).  When I do first wake up, I have a pang of missing him already and then get up and move about reclaiming my home as my own.  I gather any mugs (I've turned him on to tea, he even requests that I make a pot if I haven't just yet), taken them to the sink.  I put the bathroom to rights (wet towels usually are strewn about).  I gather any dirty laundry (esp the strewn t-shirts and boxers from that passionate interlude in the night, winks).  All this takes little time, as he isn't a slob so much as a man in a rush.

Sometimes, I catch up with my eMail and do a few things online at that time.  Other times, I burrow back under the covers to be cradled in sweet sleep again, secure in the knowledge that I have uninterrupted time in which to delve into the depths of supine slumber.  That sort of secure peace allows me to feel very comfy and relaxed.  sigh. mmmmmmmmmmmm.  ahm.  com.fy.ness.

So this morning after my guy left, I woke up and missed him.  Then I moved about for a bit, straightening up.  I sat down at the computer and took care of a few eMail maintenance matters.  Then, I succumbed to sleep.

Only to wake up with my guy dropping a kiss on my brow.  It was very disorienting, and frightening because there was no apparent logic for his presence at that time.  My heart leaped into my mouth and fell out when I gasped.  He calmed me and explained he had to return because he forgot his phone.  Groggily, I fumbled out from the covers (the covers where winning, dammit) and I slurred, "thanks for coming back for to kiss me extra".  As I blinked sleep from my eyes, he kissed my forehead and left to get his week started in Oxford.

and in my sleep congested mind, I thought, "he came back to kiss me, cuz he {sigh} he loves me"


right?  right??

in keeping with the schizzle

how i (w)rap it

Dudes!  This is for my regular readers as well as the crafty ones, wink.  I figured I'd post an explanation here, in this journal; rather than post multiple pix/explanations in various groups!  If you have specific questions, and choose not to comment here; my eMail addresses are listed within the journal's description at the top left corner of the page.  Let me know if you need the pix enlarged (an option is to right-click the pic and choose "view image" option) , or detailed description.  Hope all is clear!

after the cast-on/foundation is complete, you may continue with whatever wrap/stitch you like!! This casting-on method yields a firm, solid foundation with no straggles or loops. Using a standard figure-8 wrap, wind the first basic row. Then pass the yarn from the last peg you've wrapped on the first row, back up to the very first peg that you had wrapped. Now complete the wrap with a second row that is exactly the same as the first.

30 March 2008

cuz i like the cheez

first video i've ever featured, and yes, it's cheez.  tones of prince, robert palmer, 80's for the ladies, 70s for Snoop Dogg.  and oh! so much more.

Sensual Seduction

(chortle, snicker, snort)

looming large

Well, I wanted to post these pix, because I am thinking I can make an afghan for Brenda (my friend who is to wed in May).  This is a new weave for me.  I took a picture in the light so that you can see that the weave is open.  And I took a picture of it lying down, so that you can see how dense it is, as well.  I also wanted you to notice (so, I'm pointing it out, cuz I'm like that) that the edge is even and very nice with no loops and straggles.  If you loom, you might get an uneven foundation and need to edge it when finishing it.  But it isn't absolutely necessary, if you use the method I do.  And if you wanna know, I'll tell ya how.

Cuz, I'm like that.

27 March 2008


a truly poetic soul (nodding solemnly) truly

where'd spring go?

a few nights ago, i used my heater for just a few hours.  i think that will be the last time i will use the heater for the season.  yea!!!

today, i have the fan running.  it's over 80 degrees in here.  e.i.g.h.t.y  (that's a.t.ee. if yer hukt on fonix)

where the hell did spring go?

25 March 2008

my head, it throbs

I went to therapy today.  I felt sluggish, like I'd been dipped in a vat of black strap molasses.  That happens when I've been focusing on a heavy dense matter in session.  Next week will be a continuation.

Then I went to the library cuz yesterday I returned items, but didn't check out any more books in print cuz I've quite a few audios at the moment.  But last night, when I was trying to get ready to go to sleep, I realized that I had returned both books I was reading.  No great loss there, Philip Roth gets boring after a bit (whine, snivel, whine~~ho hum, Roth, move on).  So, today, I borrowed "Blaze", King as Bachman, as King.

Then I went to the gym, to get in the water.  A very short workout later (only about half an hour or so), I got showered and changed and then I drove home.  I ate some soup, and a plum.  And I ate some ibuprofen.

And still, my head, it throbs.

24 March 2008

hush hush, voices carry

I've hallucinated.  Ya know, when I'm feverish.  Then, I see stuff sometimes.  It's not a problem, cuz it doesn't confuse me and make me all like, dude, didja see that?!?!

I've never heard voices, tho.

Til a few months back.  I was having an extremely difficult time sleeping.  My sleep meds weren't working and I was going outta my mind.  Mania kicked in and I was definitely wired and tired.

Now I live on a five hundred acre farm.  There are a few other renters out here, but for the most part, it is like I am on my own in a very quiet peaceful world.  And that is just the way I like it.

Except that night, a few months back.  I was sitting quietly.  And then, I realized, I was hearing voices.  It was like a radio on low.  I could hear voices conversing or singing.  A low continuous hum that ebbed and flowed in pitch, but no discernible words.  So I start to strain to hear, and I check my radio (off), my tv (off), my clock/alarm/radio (off), and my computer (off).  Now I am getting a little frantic.  So I unplug ev.ree.thing.  And I can still hear the damned voices.

This goes on for weeks.  When I couldn't sleep, some nights, I would be holding still and then I would hear it.  Voices.  A cacophony of voices burbling with no one clear voice coming thru.

I worried.  I worried that I was having a psychotic break.  I worried that there was another dimension to my mental state that was coming to the surface.  Yet another problem that I would have to learn to deal with.  How much more?

I put off speaking to my doctor.  I didn't want to have to go thru the whole trial of diagnoses and observation and then the treatments....oh! the treatments while I went thru the adjustments of the new meds.

Then, one night, just after the new year, my guy and I returned very late to my home.  And as I got out of the car, I heard the voices yet again.  I dreaded revealing this new fault to my guy.  He turned to me and said, "babe?"  I finally looked at him, drew a deep breath, and he said, "sounds like a party down yonder."

My newest neighbor down on the pond is a drummer.  In a band.  At night, they practice.  At night?

Voices carry.

life truth

So tonight I was down to see my landlord, Lisa, cuz Saffron had her first litter.  Six kitties, I'm a gramma!  But one of them died, this afternoon.  Lisa and Victoria put his lil body in a black satin purse and buried him in the backyard.  Victoria is very torn up.  She's ten, and this is NOT her first death.  Death doesn't get better or easier to handle, the more you face.  It's that this newest kitty was the only one of the litter that was born with a tale and was different than the others in coloration.  All the others are an orange and creme.  The lil guy who died was black and white.  He was not the runt, he wasn't born last.  And Victoria is wanting answers and Lisa is not able to give them to her.  Victoria is very angry, because she is discovering another life truth.

Adults do not have all the answers.

23 March 2008


I think I did quite well with food intake this weekend.  Last night, I did eat very late, which isn't a good thing.  But I am aware of that and it was the only thing I did that was of that nature.  I've eaten more salad and fruits over the weekend than I have in the last few weeks.  I did eat smaller portions in general and did not bolt my food like is my standard m.o.

Today, I did all the laundry, including my bedding.  Fresh sheets!!  Ahhhhmmmm.  snuggly.  I also went through all my clothes, all.my.clothes.  I bagged up anything that was too big, all my pants that had elastic waists (that encourages overeating and expanding waist line), anything that was too small (no point in cluttering the closet with unrealistic hopefuls), and anything I haven't worn in awhile.  Basically, I kept only things that fit and are worn often.  I'm going to give them to a local church that does a clothing giveaway.  Last year, I went there for both the spring and fall clothing giveaways and wanted to give back.

Tomorrow, I plan to go to the gym and workout in the water.  Also, I will go to the library, return some books, and give Andrea two baby sweaters that I made over the last few days.  I've been feeling better and want to take advantage of that, without pushing it too hard.  That's always a fine balance.

I hope everyone had a great weekend and are ready to start the week!

(russ, i'm too damn perky in today's entry; grin)

22 March 2008

Internal Self-Talk

thanks for the support peoples!!

While I am not going to cover every aspect of what is covered in the aforementioned book, I do want to focus on a few things that I think are worth mentioning here.  One of the areas of which I have become more mindful within the last few years, has been challenging my faulty thinking with regards to my internal dialog.  Self-talk is something that is so present in us that most times we are rather unaware of those ingrained messages that we are telling ourselves with endless persistence.

I liked the way that McGraw spoke about challenging faulty thinking.  Even tho these are concepts with which I am familiar, it is still good to rethink them; cuz there is always something that I see in a different way.  Realizing that, I wanted to share them with you here.

Challenging faulty thinking may mean catching yourself chiding you and asking if this is true?  Does it serve your best interest to engage in this particular dialog?  Does this internal dialog advance and protect your health?  Is this internal dialog help you achieve whatever your goal is?

While I am not suggesting that we can easily shift our self-talk from scolding depressing degrading claims; I do think that sometimes I can catch myself thinking something and thing, wait a second, is that true?  If I am thinking I am such a fat, lazy, slob and I never will be anything other than fat, lazy, and slobbish; then I know that I can challenge myself realistically on those claims.  I am overweight, not obese.  I am not lazy, I do move about.  I could exercise more, but that does not mean that I am lazy.  My floors could be cleaner, but I am not a slob.  I may be disgusted with myself right now, but that does not make me fat, lazy, or a slob.  And I know that.  I really do.  Sometimes I am really down on myself and may start to tell myself that how I am feeling at that particular moment, is how I really am fact am, all the time.  And it simply is not true.  It doesn't mean that I will stop calling myself these things, or that I will never do so again.  What it means is that I am aware of myself doing that sometimes and can catch myself and be a little more realistic.  I'm not saying there is no room for improvement (far from it!), but I am saying that it isn't an either/or situation.  I'm not a toggle switch, I'm not either on or off.  Just because there are things about me that are lax, doesn't mean that I am lazy.

In the same way, I tend to ruminate.  I play over and over again certain sorts of thought patterns and they become more ingrained into the way that I think.  Sometimes, if I catch myself being self-defeating, I can qualify those statements.  Part of me insists that I should go to the gym every day and when I am not there, then walk for miles and miles.  Ok.  I know that thinking like that, telling myself that is going against my self-interest.  It's setting me up for failure because the first day I miss going to the gym, I'm more likely to think, "see there?!?  what's the use?  i can't even keep with my own self-imposed schedule!!" and then be likely not to go the next day.  So, most of me reasons that while I may feel like I have to go to the gym every day, the more realistic truth is that I probably won't and so maybe I should shoot for a goal that is more attainable.  It is still an improvement to go to the gym three times per week, instead of every day.  And I will be more likely to do that.  So, that may be more in keeping with my self-interest; having some realistic ideas in mind instead of rather extreme notions.

You get the idea.  I try to catch the faulty thinking and challenge myself to be more realistic, to be more moderate.  I think that way I can still make improvements, and not feel that I must set off running when I haven't yet mastered walking.

Realistic Goals and Expectancies

So, I will take certain steps to reach my goal weight.  These steps are as follows:

water workout classes:  see schedule
water workout individually (when class is not an option)
walk with my guy

eat healthier foods, like salads, fruits and vegetables
drink more water, lemon water, herbal teas
eat smaller portions
eliminate ice-cream binges (note:  they don't happen often, but when they do, they do in a big big way)

take sleep meds by 11
wake by 9
dress for day

So the steps are smaller, more managable, more specific than just saying "i'm gonna do better".  Also, I may not incorporate all these things at once, each and every day.  The idea is to do better, more often.  That is my rule, for what I know works for me.  There is no point in my having a bad time and then making it worse by getting all bent out of shape cuz I didn't stick to my "new" healthier habits.

I'd like to ask you to help me with this effort to achieve and practice these things.  You have been so supportive of and encouraging me over time and I would like you to help me by continuing to be so!  I also want to ask you to feel free to ask me how things are going.  You probably won't need to wonder too much, cuz I usually am open with discussing what's going on with me in detail.  This will help me to continue to make better improvements and choices with both eating and exercising.  Accountability can be creative and this journal is a huge part of my support network strategy (it has been from day one and continues to be).

And just in case I haven't said so lately, thanks dudes, I appreciate ya!


You may remember that last November I had written about how even tho pop/mass-psych guru's are not my bag, sometimes they have good things to say that shouldn't be tossed just cuz I don't care for the messenger.  At that time, I listened to and wrote about John Gray's Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus.  This time, I'm listening to and writing about Phil McGraw's Ultimate Weight Loss Solution:  Seven Keys to Weight Loss Freedom.  There is a text-only disk included, which contains what tables and charts and forms that I think he lists in his index in the printed text.

cringe, sigh

So McGraw speaks about realistic weight expectancies and goals.  He stresses a combination of physical medical weight ranges and waist/hip ratios and psychological acceptance of your realistic body size, shape, and weight.  So, for my height (5'6" or 5'7"), and frame type; shooting for about 155 to 160 is very realistic.  I have always been a very nicely proportioned woman.  I'm big, but I'm shapely!

My waist to hip ratio is right on the line between apple and pear.  I've been a pear most of my life (hi, russ, papa-peardude!!), carrying most of my excess weight in butt/thighs (rather than an apple, who carries most of the extra weight in the stomach area).  Health wise this means that I may still be at risk in many ways, but I am in a better place because the fat is padded my muscles moreso than my organs.  So it can be more easily managed, because fat around the organs can be lots more dangerous, as the organ is surrounded by fat and needing to labor even harder.  This does not by any means make me healthy, so much as less apt to develop quite as many dangerous health problems.

McGraw is not alone is stressing these things, so there is nothing new here.  But I do have to say that he is thorough about interactive sorts of steps and being clear about how to implement those steps.  For instance in this area, realistic expectancies and goals, he explains about identifying your actual goals, versus thinking that weight loss will magically cure all your problems.  He does this by asking you to focus on what you really want; what you think you have to do to get there; and how you will actually feel when you attain that goal.

Then, he shows how you can focus on the third item as number one.  Meaning you shift your end goal to the first step and focus further.  You cycle thru that as many times as needed.  Be as specific as you can.

For instance,  I said that what I really want is:  I'd like to lose 50 to 65 pounds over the next six months.  That means that as of the fall equinox, I will weigh about 160.  In three months, summer solstice, I will weigh no more than 185.  By this time next month, I will have lost at least nine pounds.  In two weeks, I will weigh less than 210.  The reason some of the numbers are not exact is because I know that sometimes my body (and yours too) does not lose weight at a steady rate; I know that I might lose lots by being very active in the beginning and then plateau as my body begins to adjust to the exercise~~losing fat but building muscle.

The second step (what I think I have to do get there) is:  I will need to increase my activity levels.  This means that I will need to attend and use the gym more often.  I will aggressively pursue my water-workouts (attend classes that are offered) and water-work out myself on the days when I don't get to a class.  I will also walk with my guy on the weekends, which will increase my endurance beyond getting to the mail box and back (quite frankly, and since I have been honest thus far, I should continue to be blunt).

Also as part of what I need to do to get to my goal from above is:  I will also need to decrease my intake of foods, particularly things like ice-cream, chocolate, soda, and swe'tea (cuz boy when I binge, I binge!).  So I will not buy them for the house or order them while I am out.  When my guy goes to the store, I will ask him to buy me juices or vita-water (instead of diet rootbeer).  Also, I will eat smaller portions, choosing a certain bowl that I have to help me measure the amount in an easier way (the bowl holds between a cup and a pint~more than ample servings for a meal of pasta, etc.).  I will eat healthier foods, like salads, fruits, and vegetables.  I will continue to drink adequate water, herbal teas, etc.

Step three (how I will actually feel when I attain my goal) is:  I will have more stamina, more vitality.  I will be able to breathe easier and move with more assurance.  I will be in more control over my thoughts, feelings, and behavior.  I will be more confidant.  My clothes will fit better and I will wear better sizes.  I will be more tone.

At this point, McGraw directs to take step three and make it your step one in the next cycle.  The idea is that this will help you to clarify and pin point your actual goals.  Do this cycle as many times as needed.  So, my next cycle is this.

Step one (what I really want) becomes:  I will have more stamina, more vitality.  I will be able to breathe easier and move with more assurance.  I will be in more control over my thoughts, feelings, and behavior.  I will be more confidant.  My clothes will fit better and I will wear better sizes.  I will be more tone.

Step two (what I think I have to do to get there) seems to incorporate many of the ideas and activities stated earlier.  Improve exercise habits (see above).  Choose healthier foods (see above).  Improve my sleep habits (take sleep meds by 11, resting by midnight; wake by 9 to start day).  Order chaos and build routines (including dressing for day in real clothes and not sleep wear).

My step three (how I will actually feel when I attain my goal) becomes:  I would feel calmer, happier, more centered.  I will be more capable of dealing with daily life.

Now, a note, some times I am able to do all these things.  Some times, I find it a challenge to brush my teeth, let alone exercise.  At those times, it is very difficult for me to not only have the energy, but to be well enough to get up and go.  Sleep is a task at those times, and about the only one I can muster.

The reason I list my original step three (which became my step one in the next cycle) was because I know that to lose the weight, I will be building stamina thru exercise.  I will be able to breathe easier and move with more stability when my joints are not stressed with extra weight that affects my every aspect of physical being.  I know that if I can have the ability to be in more control thru striving to attain the goal of losing weight, that I will have more control in general.  I also know that I do feel more confidant when I weigh less, because I don't feel so dumpy or exhausted.

I am well aware that weight loss doesn't magically solve problems, but I do think that the same tools that I would be using to achieve that goal, are tools that would benefit me in other ways as well.

21 March 2008

i'm dense

 Hi, this is me.  Spring equinox.  215 pounds.  And in the background, you can see a very fuzzy snippet of my guy's head bent over his computer.  This morning, I put on a pair of shorts.

Then I took them off.  I looked at them to make sure they were the pair I wore lots last summer and liked.  And then I put them back on and thought, damn! my double chin has sunken to my waist.


Newborne Sweater Loomed

The pen is for scale, so that you can see the newborne sweater just off the loom is a tad smaller than small!  Yesterday, I was chatting with Andrea at the library and her baby girl is due for arrival April 6th.  I had taken in the other sweater that I did a week or so ago to show her, so I could see her reaction.  I decided to make her one too, but using the original unaltered pattern.  I'll take it in for her next Monday.

 Here's the back of the newborne sweater.  It's all finished and so tiny.  Yesterday when I was in to see Adria and retrieve my fan, her lil girls were all giddy with excitement and insisted on showing me their floppy bunnies and could I teach them to crochet a shirt and maybe some pants, and OH! a dress would be wonDERful miss debRAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!

Sure, we can get them all dolled up for a hot date with Peter.  Just no nooky in Mr. McGregor's garden, ya hear?  At least, don't get caught.  And for heaven's sake, keep yer clothes on!  I don't wanna hear about you getting the sniffles and all that.  You'll miss yer supper!

Good Friday

My guy did not come last night, but he will be here tonight!  I'm going to continue yesterday's good work and go swimming.  I was a very good girl earlier and had ONE bowl of cereal instead of multiple bowls (cuz I have milk left over in my bowl, so then I add my cereal and then I do not have enough milk, so then I add more milk and this continues until the entire box is gone; is it any wonder I have strange bowel things going on?  No, I didn't think so.)  Baby steps, Debra, baby steps.  I know for some folks, all that is no big deal; but for me, it is.  Cuz, each new habit starts when you actually do it.  Keep up the good work, Debra, keep it up!

I provide my own pep-talks.

20 March 2008

spring has sprung

Dear Diary,

Last night, I took my night time meds earlier than usual and was drooling copiously by ten.  So this morning I woke up earlier than I have in a long time and was not panicking to boot!  Diary, I must say that I was so ecstatic to not be in the throes of a panic attack that I almost triggered one with my wild exuberant joy!  After a shower, I gathered a few items and went to see my counselor.  It was a very good session, even tho the topic was very troublesome (I lost my shit Saturday, and Sunday I was still scattered).

I went to the library and guess who I ran into, Diary?  No, really, guess!  Oh, ok then, I'll just tell you.  Nekita!  And Laura!  And Andrea!  Well, it should be no surprise that Laura and Andrea were there.  Cuz that's where they work.  And they couldn't really not be there.  But it was still great to run into them.

Then, guess where I went??  To the gym!  Guess what I did?  That's right, I went swimming!  Oh, dear diary, how well you know me!

Then I went to WalmartZ and bought some groceries.  I bought some Sunrise Growers Super Sweet Pineapple Chunks that were frozen and I gotta tell ya, diary, I love em and plan to go visit their website as soon as I finish writing to you.  I'm eating some and they are indeed sweet, even tho there is no added anything (just pineapple).   mmmm

After I left the store, I went to see Adria to retrieve my fan.  I was so happy to get the fan back I forgot to ask for my movie ("forrest gump").  Or my hammer.  And my paint thinner.  And the Kilz.  And my screwdriver.  And my paint rollers.  And my silicon.  And the caulk gun.  And...oh, well, dear diary, I know where she lives!

The evening is almost complete and I've only just now realized that wow, spring is here!  Well, dear diary, do have a good night, a good season, and oh! happy easter.  love, debra

15 March 2008


Leona is now managing the coffee shop inside the downtown location of BookMart.  Last fall, she decided she had enough sixteen hour days for weeks on end and decided to sell.  She wants to be able to go see her adult children.  She wants to have weekends free.  She wants to be able to have a life.

The new shop has been open for about two weeks (altho the owners of BookMart foolishly thought they would be open two months ago~~um, construction people, construction...it never goes according to plan, esp when you are inexperienced and hire inexperienced contractors and subcontractors and then need to hire others to come in and fix the work that they screwed up and...and...and).  Their hours are much different and most of their old regulars had been used to having the evenings to come in.  I'm not sure if the bookstore will lengthen their hours into the evening or if they plan to continue closing at 4:30 (when most folks stop by on their way home from work).  I saw they do have ethernet ports and Leona said that the owners were planning to have internet functioning, but I've not yet been able to go with my laptop (cuz i don't think of it til there would only be two hours or less and then i don't feel like packing my laptop and its cords and things and getting dressed and relocated my butt to the shop to turn around and skedaddle cuz the bookstore is closing at an early hour when all the folks who work might then be able to come in and enjoy the shop).

I miss Leona, I miss LJs.  But I ought to give this new place a fair shot.  I'm turning into a crochitty old lady fixed in my ways.  sniff.  change is suspicious.  those whippersnappers.

14 March 2008

hope her neck is very small, very small indeed

This is the finished sweater.  I didn't want to put frogs on it (or buttons, or ties, etc), because if the baby lies on her stomach then the fasteners will poke her in the belly/chest and that's not terribly comfy now is it?  I didn't think so either.  Glad you agree.

This is the item folded.  I'm a proud boastful 'look ma, i did it!' kinda critter, ain't I?  I think so too.  Glad you agree.

By the way, the outta focus fuzziness isn't just the fuzzy yarn (and you aren't drunk, or maybe you are, i can't really say with any authority); the outta focus fuzziness is cuz i was holding the camera and i'm rather spastic.  the more i try to hold still! dammit!, the more i jitter.  it made my mom's task so much more of a joy as she used me as a model for fitting the garments she sewed as i was growing up.  i was poked and pin-pricked lots.  acupuncture for seamstress's kids.

she wore an itsy bitsy teeny weeny little itty bitty

 This is my first attempt at making an article of clothing (besides a hat, a scarf, and a blanket~~i've made a ton of them and blankets are something i've made since i was a child).  This baby sweater I altered the pattern from newborn/premmee to fit a larger, older baby.  Next weekend, I will be seeing my guy's five month old niece and hope it will fit her.  The above shows the one piece sweater taken off the round yellow knifty knitter's loom.

 This shows the sweater looking more like a sweater (actually, i was thinking it looks like a kimono/robe) with the side and arm seams stitched.  The next step is to finish it with edging.  I'll include a picture of that when I get to it!

13 March 2008

the lights, they strobe so

My guy is out making phone calls with his cell where he can get a good signal, cuz he can't get a static free consistently reliable one here.  I think it is cuz of the huge power towers and lines that cut thru the neighboring property and angle along me here.  Which is why I only get one channel (FOX; people, i'm sorry and for years i didn't watch at all, but one day last spring, i watched a movie and then i ejected it and omg, jerry springer was appealing to my sense of fairness and fidelity.  i changed the channel and lo! jerry springer continued his pep talk in clear colors minus the fuzzy overlay.  prior to that, i thought i'd only had two channels, fuzzy and fuzzier.  now i have one, FOX, which is in some ways worse than the other option, which was don't watch at all).

That, and there is an air force base over in Columbus, but there must be some sort of beacon tower somewhere in swamp behind my landlords' place.  Cuz every night thru the summer, most nights thru the spring and fall, and few nights sporadically placed thru the winter; there must be some training flights that take place at night, there is a beam that blinks at various speeds (almost like morse code).  it's enough to trigger seizures if i were foolish enough to stare in that direction.

which i'm not.  most times.  then again, any idiot (me) that actually watches the news (me) on FOX (me), might would stare at the strobing lights of night flight training air force beacons (me) cuz its behind my landlords'.

it hurts me in the head.

itza beeYOUteefullest day here in mizz'ippi

So today it is so gorgeously bright out that i wanna poke my eyes out with a very sharp stick.  or at least wear shades.  my prescription shades are more than ten years old and the frames are so wobbly they fall off my face, which makes driving much more hazardous than my merely scowling into the faces of oncoming drivers.  when i get my new glasses, then i will get the ones i am now wearing darkened into shades and wear them til they too would fit my gigantic sized ego swollen head that won't fit thru doors.  i s'pose i could get those elastic sport straps that never seem to work they way they should.  or even lil ole library lady chains with multicolored beads and things so that if my glasses do fall off my face, at least they just bounce off my chest and then swing there on the chain, like tetherball.

or i could stop sleeping in them.

(popping head around the corner)

Hi!  how have you been?  i've missed ya!  feel free to leave a comment to let me know what's going on with you.  please.

in about fifteen minutes, we (my guy and i) will be leaving for town (an appt) and we might have lunch afterwards.  it is a beautiful day out and i may even remember to stop at the gym and get my sneakers so that we can go for a walk this evening and i am not walking outta my other shoes that probably i should toss anyway (they are those five dollar white canvas tennis shoes that i like but get really smelly really fast and i wash them lots so then they get ratty fast and then too i wear them lots so they get worn out and the soles get holes thru and then i go buy another pair if i think about it for five bucks and we start the process over again).  i've had this pair for two years as backup for in between purchases.

yes, i can write about almost anything in excruciating detail in a long rambling paragraph with lots of asides and way too much information that makes ya wonder if i have anything important going on in my life and why oh! why would i choose to write about such an inane thing with such insane detail, why debra why.  i don't know.  i just do.

and i talk just like i write.
or the other way around.
at any rate, they are just the same.

11 March 2008

i'm ok, you're ok?

i just wanted to let you know that i'm ok.  my guy has been here since friday and this is spring break so even tho he is slammed with work, he is here rather than there.  which, i like.  and as he is here, he is using the computer; he has his own, but he likes mine.  and really, who can blame him?  i'm the shit!  so i am typing away whilst he is tucked in bed, cuz he is tuckered out.  sh, baby's sleepin'.


mid-month, march

how did i miss this?

i just got my email and there was a notice in there, asking me how i am celebrating national crochet month.  dudes, i didn't even know!  i'm shirking my duties, failing to show my silent support for crochet.  what's worse is, i've been knit-witting hats for heads.  horrors, i know.  sad, but true.

and, while i'm confessing, perling.  with plastic.  at least the knit-wit deals with yarn, but perling!  not purling and knitting with yarn, but perling...well, that's plastic.  yes, yes i know!  a traitor i am.  shame.

and, i may as well tell all, today?  well, today i did blocks of crayon-quilting.  crayons!  wax mediums, gasp, and again, no yarn!  ack!  altho i apply the crayon to squares of cotton, so there is some sort of redemption there.  isn't there?

i'm not bad.  sniff.  i'm not.

07 March 2008


Perl Beads are these little plastic pellet-type tubes with a hollow center that have a low melting point and can be fused together with an iron set on medium heat.  Be sure to use a thin paper between the beads and the iron, lest you ruin your iron with plastic goo.

They come in a variety of colors and with peg boards, which allow easy placement so that you can create designs to be fused so that you aren't chasing loose beads with a hot iron.  Never a good idea to be using a heavy hot object in such a way, altho I am sure some sadistic kid out there smashes cockroaches that way and will move on to serial killing humans when he gets older.  But I digress.

You can make little things with the perler beads, like keychains and necklaces.  You can string them to make beaded curtains (bless the patient diligent person who attempts that!).  You can even form them into pieces that dovetail together so that you have three dimensional objects like puzzle cubes, treasure boxes, or gingerbread houses and christmas villages (ditto on the blessings).  You can keep it simple, or go more complex; it's up to you!

I do use tweezers to place the beads on the boards; but when I am jittering badly, it is a lost cause.  I end up knocking beads on the surrounding pegs right off the board.  My coordination, fine motor skills, have never been exactly dexterous; but of late, my spastic tremors make certain activities a real challenge.

But boy you should see me dance!

oooooooooooo lookit the pretty colors

DUDES!  i so didn't realize that the map below changes!  so if you are reading this during the heat wave, you are probably not even close to seeing what was relevant when i first posted this.  hell, it isn't even accurate a scant two days later!  and yes, we did have snow, and yes, everyone freaked.

According to the legend, purple is either "heavy snow warning" or "high surf advisory".  Being that everyone here is all in a tizzy, crying, "the sky! it's falling!", I'm thinking that it's the snow warning.  And in this area, any snow is heavy.  Cuz it's all relative, man, it's all relative.

The sky is low, not falling.  And there is a very fine wet mist, no snow falling as of yet.  However, it is the warmest part of the day, so the advisory is really for tonight and tomorrow.  Tonight, meaning after 6p (it's all relative, people), we might even have an inch!  A whole inch of snow!  Hell, it might even stick to the ground instead of melting on contact!  We might even see snow on the landscape for all of, I dunno, a half hour!  Is it possible?  Yes, it is!  Is it probable?  No, it's not!

But even if it is just falling thru the air, it will still be a huge thing for most people.  There are kids here who have never seen snow.  Ziggee, my lil rat-cha, has never experienced it and he is five! (in people years; in dog years, he is like me, in his mid-30s) and will be utterly alert and overwhelmed with joy and confusion.  He likes to mimic Shaddow and she tends to love life so he takes his cue from her and it can be quite funny to see the two of them interact.  She loves him and lets him act real tough and attack things, like the hail we had a while back.  They are too cute sometimes.

I have done my dishes, am doing laundry, called the propane company, and may drive to town to the library and possibly to the store for some more soups.  Or not.  I really don't feel up to the trip right now.  Maybe I'll feel more perky after a shower.

Soap, it does a body good.

06 March 2008

my god woman, think before you speak

so tonight, on fox (yes, yes, cringe, sorry), the top news story is all about the campaigning stepping up cuz the primary poll is tuesday for us here in mississippi.  bill clinton is going to be in tupelo on sunday.  obama is coming to columbus.  hilary clinton's been here and there and everywhere.  so the news shows these little clips of various activities and interviews.

there was even a woman setting at a republican booth saying that she really likes what obama stands for.  in her view, he "helps us to remember that this country, this great country, is what it is because of diverse people like him...people who didn't stand a chinaman's chance...(freeze for a moment as she realizes what she's just said)...have gone on to do great things for this great country."  think she is chagrined?

not a chinaman's chance.


it might snow...fri night...sat day...here...in mississippi....

it's a good thing i have plenty of toilet paper.  and can make bread.  am heading outside to check my gas tank cuz gotta have propane to bake, doncha know?

perler, part two

 These three are my second attempt at perling.  Well, actually, that's not true.  There have been countless attempts, but I have jittery fine coordination and placing the beads on the pegs can sometimes be a challenge.  So what I've been doing are these smaller ones, instead of larger projects.  I think that the picture above shows them at their actual size, they look larger here tho because of the smaller framing which accentuates their size relative to the segmented space.  but if you were to place your finger or any other object over a perler bead mass, then look at the object in the scope out of the frame, in your everyday view that is not focused only on these three, then you will see that they are lots smaller than they might have first appeared.

or not.

oohps, our bad

this morning, i received this:

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well (dusting off my hands), that's that. grins.

05 March 2008

ijits, and rude at that

ahem, check it...

Dear dkb1116@peoplepc.com,

It has been brought to our attention that you are incorrectly linking content from your Photobucket account around the Web. We would kindly request that you please begin making the appropriate changes to your links as quickly as possible as to avoid any future disruptions to your service. You are incorrectly linking to the Photobucket servers instead of the 'i' for some (or all) of your links off-site.

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On March 24th, 2008 at 12pm ET, Photobucket will begin disabling all incorrect links. Please begin correcting your links as quickly as possible as to avoid any disruptions to your service. Even if your links are disabled after the March 24th deadline, as soon as you fix them, your files will display as intended again. Please feel free to contact us at mislinking@photobucket.com if you have any questions or concerns. Your promptness and assistance with this matter is greatly appreciated!


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below is my response, which actually appears above the above (ya know what i mean, wink):

i have only ever used the direct link option.  so if you have an example in which i have done what you've so sternly but incorrectly scolded me; please do let me know of that page.  since the only links i've posted are in my journal (http://journals.aol.com/dkb11161970/DebrasDose/), and i have always used the direct link option, i have no doubt that you sent the below to me erroneously.  but!  you are forgiven, try to have a better day tomorrow


hello, my name is debra (hello debra) and imma foxite.  sigh.  i've been a foxite for about a year now.  as i receive my one year button, i ought to present my testimony; here's my struggle thus far.

i say to myself that i will not arrange my life around episodes of "house" and "bones"; but i still find myself leaving 7p to 9p untouched.  at least those can be viewed as quasi-intellectual.

(taking a deep breath~~looking downward) but, nothing redeeming can be said about my infatuation with american idol this season.  or last summer's "so ya think ya can dance".  (clearing my throat~~looking up)  even going so far as to actually root for one contestant or another.

i'm not proud of my behavior.

since i have made some admissions, i may as well come clean with a few more things.  i love, Love, LOVE this girl!  she rocks, dudes, she rolls.  she's got the blues and she's got soul.  she is a.may.zing.  her name is amanda overmeyer and she does a mean janis joplin, a great joan jett, and even better, she does a great amanda overmeyer.  she will go far, i don't think she will take it all the way to number one (cuz i think david archuleta has that in the bag), but i do think she will give folks a run for their money.

04 March 2008

weighing in, take two (hundred)

Yes, yes.  I really was two hundred (200) pounds in that picture.  In fact, I may have been a little more.  The reason I say that was cuz, well, it's true.  And I wouldn't lie to you.

A few years back, I weighed it at my all time high.  235.  That was, lemme think, uhm...January 2006.  I lost 35 pounds in three months and then spent the better part of two years keeping that off and toning up some and wiffling a bit.

When I wiffle, I gain/lose about five pounds.  So, I've been right about 205 for about two years now.  I'm ready to start losing again.

Oh, yeah.  Getting down to my fighting weight.  Oh, yeah.

oh yeah, and...

would you believe that in that pic, i am 200 pounds?

'tis true.

me and my purse

you might remember that last november i took a class on sewing.  in one class i learned to make a purse and in the other class, i learned to make a skirt (that class actually took about two months).  some of you might remember my discussing the whining gripe that was having spastic attacks due to my being a beginner to the sewing machine.  does that bring it all back now?

anyway, my Friend finally remembered to give this pic to me, that she's had for a few months.  the very first thing i did, was scan it and post it.  so here i am, proudly showing off my mad skillz.

03 March 2008


So, I'm listening to the weather forecast on FOX (cringe, sorry) and I heard something that just didn't sound right (surprise, surprise).  So I check it out online, cuz that should be so much more reliable, right?


For some really odd reason, we have a winter weather advisory.  It's about 65 degrees out right now, so I don't quite get it.  Then I take a closer look at the legend and the color codes and oh hey! it makes so much more sense now.

See, earlier today, we were under tornado watches/warnings.  This means that usually we have lots of hard high winds.  And ya know, a tornado sighting/touchdown or two or twelve.  And lots of thunderstorm activity (which means, lots of thunderstorms; saying thunderstorm activity covers your ass and makes it sound more better, I spose).  And the color coded legend shows that the taupe shading covering the majority of the state could be a winter weather advisory, or! it could be taupe means a lake wind advisory, or! it could be taupe means a wind advisory, or! it could be taupe means a fire weather advisory.

I'm betting that in this case it does not mean fire weather (cuz it's raining rather hard and furious) and I'm betting that in this case it does not mean winter weather (cuz it's way way too warm to be winter in the that sense).  And since there is not one natural lake in the entire state (Mississippi has lots of swampland and lots of man made reservoirs), I'm betting that in this case we can go with wind.

Just plain ole wind.

how i feel today

01 March 2008

come with me, walk and talk with me

Last night, my guy and I talked a bit while we were at dinner.  We were both tired, and opted not to see a movie, but to come home instead.  We continued to talk with each other for quite some time at my place and this morning we were slow to get up and going.

This afternoon, we went for a long walk (well, it seemed long to me, esp since i've not made it a habit to go for a stroll, a hike, a sojourn of late) with all the dogs (even those not mine and just tagging along for the lope).  It was good.  We spoke more, but also just enjoyed being with each other, silently.

Altho we have lived about an hour and a half apart for the better part of five years, we still managed to see each other almost every weekend.  We've spoken almost daily.  So, this new phase of our lives does indeed promise to be a tad bit different.

Hazard, Kentucky is over eight hours from me here in Starkville, Mississippi.  It tires me just to think of that drive.  I do have a friend in Chattanooga, Tennessee, which is a good halfway point, so that I may break the drive up, in need be.  But I think I may be so fired up to actually be going to see him that I won't really want to stop, but go on and get the drive over with.  Well, it is an option and that helps.

Options always help.

wishing happiest of all happy birthdays to the grrl

hapPEE birthDay to you
happy birthday to you

please to wish ms malagutigrrl a very happy birthday