create.tiv.it.tee; yup, that's me!

Every now and then, I go thru my files of papers and clear things out.  Cuz I don't need six years of electric receipts and proof of payment for my insurance.  It's sorta fun, digging around and rediscovering stuff.  Generally, I am mindful and know when I am reaching my limit of nostalgic doses when pawing thru academic records, class notes, and such.  So, it's not all that unusual for me to put stuff away again after throwing out a few bags, dusting my hands, and turning my mind away from those mementos.

But, I thought that since I have this handy-dandy flash drive and I also have lots of writings from the past in paper form only; that I oughta electronically archive some of the stuff that I like that I've written.  There are short stories, some story notes, some poems, some songs; ya know, my words and thoughts from years gone by.  In some ways, I can see my development from who I was then to who I am now; and for the most part, I'm proud of that.

There are, however, those writings that still blow me away and evoke so many powerful feelings; as tho called forth from the pit of my stomach and leaving me astounded that damn, I wrote that.  Some of it is better than twenty years old, some about ten.  But I've few writings recently of that sort; mostly when I write now, and in the recent past, it is here in my journal, thoughts and reflections and not short stories and poetry and the like.  I'm just doing what feels right at various times, and right now, poems would mystify me; I wouldn't know where to begin.  Now, I write in sentences and paragraphs and that prose feels right.  At least, it is right for now.

So here are some select poems that I just typed into a word document {shudder} from papers that are dated, yellowed, printed in dot matrix.  I'd be interested in what you have to say, if you'd care to share.  Some of the formatting is very odd, as lines are spaced differently.  Perhaps aol journals does not support word doc, or vice versa; or it could be I have not a clue {note:  i just messed around a bit, and i think it will read better cuz i got the annoying spaces out.  i hope}.  At any rate, here's a sampling for ya:

ME ~~November 87
“I want to be somebody!”
He cries, never satisfied with his life.

 “I want to be the best!”
He shouts, in frustration, not realizing
No one is the best.

“I want to be me.”
He states, too blind to see
He already is.

~~

Perfect Presentation ~~01 November 94
Merrily, merrily, and nothing more
Humming empty notes, she putzes and places,
Rearranges just so.
In her diamond jewels, stockinged legs,
Pumps and pillbox to match
She places her final touch to the arrangement.
Lip-sticked
Penciled and perfumed
A blank smile upon her frosted lips.
With one gloved index she checks the oak banister
Nodding in vague satisfaction.

She presents a smooth, dry, pale powdered cheek
For His impeccable peck and purses her own lips,
Kissing cool air.
She tucks a hand through his arm
Hugging His side into her breasts,
Squeezing him briefly
But long enough for Them to see
What a Perfect Presentation she can be.

~~

{untitled} ~~03 March 95
I wanted to grasp you head firmly in my hands,
Spread my fingers wide
Feeling the hard curve of skull and
Silky shortness of salted pepper
I wanted to straddle your thighs
Rock close and tight
So I could feel your warmth
Through denim and night
I wanted your arms ‘round me
Real solidness to anchor
My Self and thoughts
Within our Time and Being
I wanted warm breath to mingle,
Sighs to be heard,
Touches to be felt,
And tongues to taste.
Now
I want
Again.

~~

{untitled} ~~03 March 95
My tingles tangle
Thoughts mingle
And still you are here.
My speech slows
Tears flow
And still you are here.
My heart skips
Breath comes quick
And still you are here.
My voice raises
Toneless and droning
You do not cover your ears
Even as I furtively cover mine.
I wonder at you
You smile
Easy and patient.