lazing

i've not been sleeping very well, these last couple of weeks. it's par for the course, when the weather changes, esp heats up, then my sleep patterns get all fucked up. usually i can master that, so it doesn't affect the rest of me, and my systems.

but not so this time. the morning, i woke up with a terrible pain in my stomach {or maybe the colon area} and then a brief time later, i broke into sweat and started to salivate, and barely made it to the bathroom in time. i don't think i'm contagious, but would rather play it safe than spread illness. so i ended up calling my counselor and canceling.

i headed back to bed, and read some, and then realized i was insanely thirsty. so i went to pour myself a glass of tea. i settled down in the living room for a few moments and was watching shaddow slumbering deeply.

then i saw her tongue flick out. and again. and then i realized that in her sleep, she most likely was dreaming of something tasty; cuz she was licking away at the air, and still breathing her steady, deep, heavy sighs. suddenly, she snaps awake, struggling into a sitting position, and still slurping. i could almost see the exact moment she became aware of her pica behavior. she snapped her mouth shut. and then opened it the merest bit and just the tip of her tongue poked out. it was like she was testing the air.

she's outside right now, and i think after i let her back in, i'm gonna head back to bed. i really hope this yucky feeling is just a passing thing and i'll be bright eyed and bushy-tailed in just a bit. barring that, then at least i hope i'll be back on steadier footing.

hope every one is feeling fine and planning to have a good holiday weekend! be safe, have fun!

sudoku and soccer

this weekend, jert has been working so hard outdoors in this heat that he is wearing himself out. so today, after another shower, he is settled in front of the tv, watching the usa soccer match with brazil {usa rained on spain, assuring us a spot in the final with brazil; this is HUGE}. i think i'll take a break from sudoku and go crochet a rug while watching the match with him.

CanTeach asks...

What is your favourite room in your home and why?

Well, in my lil place on the farm, my living space consisted of the kitchen and the living room. I'd arranged everything to fit in that space, my bed, my yarns, my tv/vcr, my computer, my portable audio system, my books, my teas, my ingredients and glassware for baking my breads, and oh so much more. So in a hue way, I didn't have separate rooms, so the decision was easy; my living space was my favorite room in my home, cuz it held my entire life.

My home on the farm was completely my own. I had no reason to answer the phone, so the ringer remained in the "off" position. My home was restive, soothing, and oh so good for me.

Here, in jert's place, my favourite room at the moment is most likely the breakfast room. That might change in the future, when all the rooms in the house are completed. But for me, now, the breakfast nook is perfect. It's open, roomy, soothing; from the light peppermint tea green walls to the small oak table just the right size for two. The cafe curtains are white with grape vines edging them. The two china cabinets are filled with jert's grandparent's dishes, bowls he used as a child, and other glass dishes that appeal to the visual balance of the room. The air is scented with lavender essential oils and sweet vanilla candles. The chairs are very comfortable, and the doorways are large, opening into the rest of the main living space. Now that my computer set-up is tucked into a corner, the room is even better. It's really my favorite room at this time.

Make your space your own, and allow it to sooth you, or stimulate your senses, or show your creativity, or what ever you'd like. Love your space, allow it to fit you perfectly. Your house truly is your home; just as your body is home for your soul, so is your home meant to be your home, a place of comfort and fosters, reflects the love that is you.

CanTeach asks...

What is something you do well?

Well. Good. Fine. Several thoughts came to mind right away that can be clearly divided into a dichotomy of reactions. On one hand, I thought of something I do decidedly unwell; that is to say that I confuse "well", "good", and "fine" on a regular basis. Reciting "I feel fine, I'm well, and I do good" doesn't always help me out.

On the other hand, I thought of those things that I do well. Or good. Or fine. What came to mind was a convoluted mix of minor stuffs like I make a mean cuppa tea, a refreshing pitcher of swe'tea. I laugh and make others laugh. I can be extremely helpful. I crochet some kick ass stuff. But none of that seemed to be just the right subject to write an entire post on.

I think part of the hesitancy comes from the fact that so many believe that if you focus on something you do well, then you are boasting, you are excessively proud, and that you are an egomaniac. Well, bullshit on that. A person is healthy and shows no false sense of modesty when that person knows themselves well enough, realistically enough, to speak honestly about their good qualities as well as being aware of their shortcomings. With that in mind, I can tell you that I love completely, I love well. I love with no reservations, totally.

That's what I do well, for love is a verb, an action to be repeated often; ceaselessly. I can be patient, and I'm generally kind. I don't envy, and I don't boast to excess. I'm not unbearably proud, nor rude, and have no ulterior motives. I don't anger easily, nor keep records of wrongs. I abhor evil, and am very protective of those I love. I do trust, sometimes foolishly and at my own peril. I'm extremely hopeful and persevere thru extremes. I've not failed those I've loved. Ask any of my friends, loves, and family {for indeed, there are many loves in a person's life, their friends, parents, siblings, spouse, partners, children, and the like; as well as various communities and such}.

My vows to jert include that I'll always love, cherish, honor, and respect him. I feel that we will always communicate, sharing our wisdom with the other. I know I will always endeavor to bring jert happiness, joy, love, and passion. I feel we will always be true friends, with caring and understanding.

I think we'll continue to foster each other's emotional, mental, and physical health because we accept each other with tenderness, compassion, and commitment. We are each other's true campanions, sharing and discovering daily life and moving forward together in spirit. May we always step forth in harmony, encourage creativity, and support each other's growth as individuals and as a loving couple.

All of that is love. And I do it well.

CanTeach asks...

• What is something you dislike about yourself?

Establishing and maintaining boundaries has always been difficult for me. In fact, as a child and a young adult, I pretty much had none. So I'd say that something I dislike about myself is that sometimes, I feel like I'ven't much of a backbone. I don't think I act cowardly and sniveling to others, it's more myself. That I sometimes consciously debate what to do, how to act, makes me feel like I'm not an adult. That I sometimes choose to go the perceived easier route, can irritate me to no end.

Then too, I must remind myself that you choose your battles instead of fighting every scrimmage. As you can see, some of my boundaries have been chiseled in stone, but those usually pertain to my own behavior and thought processes; not to other folks'. I usually tend to give others the benefit of the doubt. jert says that sometimes I'm too kind for my own good.

Perhaps that is because I doubt my perception of reality at times and would like not to misconstrue other's behavior and such. So I'd rather err on their side. This isn't always healthy for me tho, as sometimes I end up hurting myself to be help them. Not good.

Navigating moderation, instead of clinging to first one extreme, then the other, is challenging at best. I've gotten somewhat better over the years, however, if I am worn down, weary, exhausted, confused, etc. then I tend to not trust myself as much as I perhaps should.

So maybe that's what it all boils down to. After all, isn't trust in one's self what establishing and maintaining boundaries what it is all about? or maybe that's the hokey-pokey.

that's what it's all about.

writing my way outta the friggen rut

for the last several months, i've written lots about the house-project, and cleaning, clearing, scrubbing, waxing, painting, and rearranging. i'd gotten away from writing about a wide variety of subjects, things that were pressing in my life at the moment, and things that were on my mind. sometimes, i'd have no idea when i opened the "new post" window what i'd be writing; which was alright cuz it usually turn out to be something good anyway. but in these last few months, i'd been allowing myself to fall into a rut, and stay in that well-worn groove. it's pathetic and i'm rather ashamed of myself because it affords a certain amount of safety, writing the same thing on the same topic, repeatedly.

well, pft on that.

so the other day, i was wandering around some writer's sites and came across a list of questions/topics to get your writing jump started if you've stalled out {or in my case, just spinning the wheels and getting more deeply mired in muck}. some questions/topics are embarrasingly silly, trite, or mundane. but then i got to thinking, 'well, yeah, but most anything would be better than this drivel'.

so i made the quasi-commitment to tackle one per entry {or day, depending on how i'm feeling, for i know that i do need to allow myself some flexibility}, in the order they are listed. so that you might plan accordingly, if you want to see my response to a particular issue, here's the site. not exactly profound, on the surface, but i'd think profundity has more to do with how you respond versus the question posed.

so the next entry is the first question listed. come join me, or not. 'sup ta ya!

mooching the reads, oooooooooooh yeaaaaaaaaaaah

over there {<---------} in my left linkees, i've added a new one. it's for BookMooch, an awesome service that will make your toes curl in giddy delight. i've heard of it before, but had never really looked into it until today. and oh, my.

you create a list of what books you'll be giving away. and a list of books you want. then, you receive requests for those books you're willing to give away, and you ship them off. that's the only part of the entire process that costs money.

you also get to browse thru other's lists and make requests. if they are granted, you get books in your box. for free! free books! free for me!!

there is a point system which makes more sense with more thought and keeps folks from being free loaders entirely, cuz they have to give as well as take. so basically there is a 2:1 (two to one ratio). for every two books you receive, ya gotta give at least one. so you could have lots of points amassed, but if you aren't in balance with the whole give/take thing, then ya get stymied.

awesome!

k, now i'm gonna get busy on listing and profile building and stuff; scampering and scurrying {PITTER PATTER pitter patter pitter patter pitter patter...}

date day {and night}

today my jert was honored at MSU's DAFVM's "Lazy Days of Summer" award ceremony for over ten years of service. {MSU is Mississippi State University; DAFVM is Division of Agriculture, Forestry, and Veterinary Medicine} "Lazy Days of Summer" started years ago as extremely low-budget celebration featuring a menu of fried bologna sandwiches, hot dogs, vienna sausages, sardines, crackers, hoop cheese, tossed salad, and ice-cream. the hoop cheese and ice-creams are produced at MSU and are top sellers and attractions for the parents, alumni, and staff/faculty/students. today, there was very little change in the menu, out of tradition's sake; but i was amazed at all the decorations and how detailed it all was. this is a major event within the Vet School, and hundreds of folks attend. the president of the university gave a short speech, and then the recognition of lots of folks for various reasons went on for about 25 minutes. it was really quite classy, odd as it sounds {fried bologna and hot dogs, people}.

tonight is the free community movie on the green at greensboro center here in town. last month's movie was "cars" {it was preservation month}. tonight, oddly enough, it's "harry potter and the order of the phoenix". i say oddly enough, cuz i was telling jert that'd i'dn't seen any of the harry potter movies, tho i've read all the books. so we watched the first three, but couldn't access the fourth easily. the fifth one is the one that is being featured tonight. which works nicely cuz the next one to hit the theaters is the sixth one, opening in july. wahoo!!

imma cheap date, dinner and a movie fo'free!

my shaddow lane

shaddow has always been a sweet, kind, gentle girl. she's generous to a fault. often times, when there were other doggies visiting, or lil ones joining the household, shaddow would stand back from the food bowl and let the guests gorge themselves. kinda like she was saying, "oh sure! help yourself, she'll give me more."

harley-boy is a lil doggie, a whippet-chihuahua blend. shaddow is a 65 pound black lab with some girth that makes her seem like a big dog {even tho she is on the small side for a lab}. shaddow sits off to the side, in the kitchen, with her head angled so that she can see into the feeding station in the room with the deep freeze. she so patiently waits for pretty pearl and harley-boy the horn dog to finish eating.

sometimes, harley gets all big and bad, and tries to throw what lil weight he has around. so he'll stand for an extra-long time at the food bowl, staring out of the corner of his eye to see if shaddow moves from her position in the kitchen. shaddow is patient tho, and just sits there, biding her time.

today, i noticed that the new location of the awesome computer set-up allows me to see her as she waits for harley to finish. with pearl, shaddow just eases up and drinks some water while pearl's eating. it's like pearl is not afraid but harley is. or maybe he just thinks, "hey! i'm eating here!"

earlier i glanced into the kitchen and shaddow was actually laying down, in her usual sitting/waiting spot. i knew without a doubt that harley was hogging the bowl and that shaddow was more than willing to wait her turn.

patience, more than a virtue.

another job well done {dusting hands, knees, nose, and forehead}

it took me five hours to scrub the bedroom floor. five freaking hours. the upside is that i got to listen to lots of stephen king's short stories. and another positive is that it's done. the master bedroom is now completely rearranged and only lacks the paint job; which is okey dokey, cuz that's not a must. so, it's all good.

i do need to hook up the new phone in there. but right now, i'm just enjoying the fact that my knees are no longer crying out in agony, begging "please debra, stop, stop scrubbing the floor" {so pitiful}. and i need to find a home for some stuff that i removed from the bedroom. most of it is just hanging out with the other displaced temporarily furniture.

and i took apart, moved, and reassembled the awesome corner computer station. this thing is amazing. it's rather large, shaped to fit into a corner, and is just so damn cool. i love it! unfortunately it didn't fit where i wanted to move it so i had to come up with another home for it until we get the office/study done {a bedroom in the addition}. it now sits in the breakfast room, which is actually pretty cool.

it's been awhile since i took and posted any pix, but i might do that soon. just not right this minute. cuz i'm too tuckered to mess with the camera and uploading anything with a dial-up connection. and the laundry is almost done, and then a shower is a must. excuses, excuses, excuses...grins.

oh! and...

tomorrow i'm gonna start in on cleaning the master bedroom thoroughly. since we have the huge honking entertainment center moved out of there, i can now shuffle things around and rearrange them. but i need Need NEED to scrub the floor.

i'm really excited and that's sorta pathetic. but every single activity makes a dent in the overall picture. wahoo!



now, if only i could figure out a way to make shaddow shed less. or teach her to sweep up her own shedded hairs. any idears?

i currently take her out on the front porch, shut the gates so that she is in a confined area, and take the grooming tool to her so i can get as much of her loose undercoat as possible. that does cut down on the over all mass indoors, but it still means that i could probably crochet an entire winter coat for myself from the amount i sweep up every day. and it makes me cringe to think of what manages to float away in the fluffy puffy blowing air of the fans and air conditioners. eek!!

i love her, but i'm considering leaving her out but i really don't want to do that. arg. sigh. suggestions??

status report, maybe

earlier this evening, i was chatting with my mom on the phone, when the most amazing idea was suggested by her. i have no idea why i didn't think of it myself; well, ok, maybe a partial notion. but it is a damn fine idear and i'm really excited about it!!

see, when mom was here back in april/may for four weeks, i realized that i really wanted to rip up the old carpet back in the rooms in the addition. it's good carpet, and the best if you are planning to keep it clean and use it in hard wear areas. a short nap, in/outdoor with a self-backing is always the way to go; ya know, if you're gonna go with carpet.

the problem is that not only does carpet do all sorts of mean and nasty things to my allergies by harboring microscopic mold spores and pet dander, but it also provides a lovely breeding ground for all sorts of fecund mites. this particular carpet was a haven for past pet puddles, so i ripped it all up and took a gander at the chip board plywood under it.

now the subflooring is level, and actually in very good shape. yes, it does need to be treated; lest present pets seek those same scents to leave future puddles. but other than that, it's in fine shape! so we talked about what sort of flooring we wanted to lay over the subfloor chip board.

there were a few options we could go with, but the one that appealed the most was to finish the rooms off with peel/press tile. i found some for a reasonable price, in an agreeable pattern. jert and i love the dark green faux marbled look of the individual square foot pieces and think it will look good covering the rooms' floors.

another option we can go with, should the tile not be the way to go, is to paint the floors a deep ivy green. it'll go quite nicely with the peppermint tea green the walls will be painted. the problem with chip board and paint is that for floors, it shows every single speck of dirt. and, since the chip board is textured, it traps dirt nicely too.

*sigh*

i found that out with my lil place on the farm. and my folks' floors are also the same, around their wood burner. a bitch to clean.

so, i'm really hoping the peel/press tile will do the trick! now i know those rooms are not exactly high traffic areas, so i think that once the floors are done, they won't need to be done again {ya know, other than the normal sweep/mop/wax cleaning}.

so the great idea earlier was that when my mom makes it over this way for her much shorter second stint in about a month or two {she'll only be able to stay for a week or ten days} is that my brother can lay the tile!! wahoo! i mean, i'll do most anything like cleaning and such {it's taken me quite some time, not only cuz there's lots to do, but also cuz my energy ebbs and flows, waxes and wanes, fits and starts} but the painting is really mom's forte and i wasn't looking forward to us doing the floors cuz her knees are not so great and time is short and i'm a klutz {we all know this}.

but my brother offered and that would be just perfect!! there are four rooms and a bath in the addition, but the bath is not a concern {i don't think}. and three of those rooms are ready to go! the fourth room is filled with things, but can be emptied when one of the other three rooms is complete. so there really is way more than enough to keep us all busy!

thanks, mic!

i see thru ya

Earlier today, i got my new glasses and the iDoc also dilated my eyes this visit cuz someone else was driving me. the iDoc was concerned about the effects one of my meds may be having on my eyes {abnormality of accomodation} and the quality of my vision. so, he'd like to see me in six months. there is a strong likelihood that i'll be wearing bifocals {or trifocals, yeah, i'm that much fun} within the year. oh yea!!

so i donned my extremely dark shades and headed toward the library; where i witnessed some of the most snootiest behavior i've seen here lately. i came this {-} close to saying something but i didn't cuz i was trying to quiet the several strong reactive opinions going on internally. proud to say i exercised constraint. well, at the time.

constraint be damned now! i'd described the incident to others and was able to check my own perception of reality and yup! turns out the woman really was a bit of a bitch. thing is, our library {like most public libraries} does not have unrealistic fines in place. they charge for things like overdue penalties and damaged books, and oh! dropping off a book (much heavier in density) in the wrong bin (dvd/cd/tapes). there are numerous signs posted in various relevant places so that there is no surprise like, dude, you're charging me for that?!?

this woman was more like, you're charging me for that? she'd stepped up to the counter, with a rather smug expression upon her face; managing to look down her nose at the common populace even tho she was actually quite short in stature {you'd think looking down your nose from a shorter position would be defying logic, but apparently not} and snootily informed the librarian, her own son, and a smattering of other patrons that she never has to pay fines cuz she works for the university's library, and they just waive {she actually waved her own hand rather pompously to illustrate just how they dismiss charges for her} those pesky lil fines. the woman seemed to be peeved that she should have to actually pay the fines she'd incurred. as this was not exactly a private transaction, and i'd already heard that she had managed to accrue rather hefty fines {an eight dollar library fine doesn't seem like, ooohpseee, my bad} at several branches within the consortium {including her son's highschool, which is currently not in session}. so she snippily takes care of the fine for the current location of that specific library but haughtily informs all of us that she will just have the rest taken care of tomorrow, when she returns to work.

hm. there are so many things that came to mind, not the least of which was: lady, as an employee of a state land-grant public institution which does not have scads of money to throwing around...moreso, as an employee within a library...you'd think that she would be more than familiar with how fines work, and where the monies produced go, and the importance of using public resources responsibly. it isn't blockbuster (remember their no fee campaign? yeah, didn't work so well for them either) or netflix (altho they too only allow you to take so many movies before they want you to return them before they lend you others) or a bookstore (ya know, where you'd buy the book instead of taking it home, smudging it with chocolate ice cream and snot and then returning it within a renewable two week time frame). it's a public library.

man up and pay the damn fines for delinquent behavior instead of thinking that you should be exempt cuz you work at a library. if anything, you should want to enforce the rules of the library rather than knowingly keep books out of circulation that others may be wanting to read past four weeks. but, i guess you take the perps ya can, even if illegitimate; cuz it shows that you have some real clout to be waiving those fines.

yeah, you the shit. i'm impressed. and i know the other folks witnessing this whole transaction are too. we're all in awe of the things you can make happen. *gasp*

thanks so much

yesterday, i sent a bag home with one of my friends of ruby red grapefruit slices, lettuce, purple onion slivers, cucumber slices, red radishes, baby carrots, some of my salad topping mix, green bell pepper slivers, and such. she and her family are vegetarians, and so those are things that she'd appreciate; esp since she is very involved with their church and today was the first day of vacation bible school {so i figure she'd have little time to cook for her family}. we'd given two of jert's kids some extra hamburgers and hotdogs and stuff for their families meals last night. so this morning, we had no evidence that there'd been a cook-out yesterday except for the remainder of my lovely friend's {she'd be my best woman, maid of honor; ya know, if i had one~~except i don't cuz she's not so big on water and uhm, our wedding ceremony is on the pier, standing room only (except for jert's mom, who'll have her wheel chair) as the pier and decking is simply not large enough for everyone} key lime meringue pie. which i've been drooling over since i'd tried a bit at the cook-out yesterday. it's soooooooooOOOooooooooooo good {ahhhhhhhhhhhm}.

so last night, jert and i'd decided that we'd go on and plan to grill the rest of our hamburgers and hotdogs today so that we'd have food for the week, without needing to cook every night. this worked out exceptionally well, as i remembered the italian hot sausage and chirozo in the deep freeze this morning. after work, jert came in hot and sweaty, changed clothes, fired up the grill, and got even more hot and sweaty grilling the delicious meats. yummy. thanks, my jert!

his youngest dropped by with her two lil ones and all of a sudden, jert's two lil doggies start raising a ruckus and going beserk while trying to climb thru the window to the deck. i'd been slicing purple onion and so it took a minute for me to rinse of my hands and grab a towel so i could wrench the door open, with them yapping urgently at my feet and knees. here it'd been that the lil three year old boy had been startled and let out a screaming cry and that's what set the doggies off into protect-the-boy mode. resuming the slicing of bell peppers, a few minutes later, my shaddow lane growls deep in her throat, her chest rumbling warnings, and then a sharp bark and i run to the door to see what's raised her hackles; again, the lil guy'd been startled and let out a yell and shaddow charged to his aid. nice to know our doggies are so protective!

i received my second piece of mail today, from a lovely woman in minnesota, who may come spend some time with us this winter. she's my crocheting croony, and as i was removing her presents to me, jert exclaimed, "hey, she made you a pen for the reception's guest book!" and i thought, what a great idea! and she made some wonderfully pretty stitch markers, which jert pointed out would make excellent earrings. and the box they came in is a very appropriate mary engelbrett with two friends with their arms slung around each other's shoulders {pal o'mine}. and a set of note cards with hanging baskets of pretty posies, which i absolutely love, Love, LOVE cuz i like writing and sending notes just to let others know i'm thinking of them {it's always extra special to receive cards for no reason, doncha think?}. and {i can't show this to you now, cuz i'm temporarily set up in the cooler living space and so no cam and no scanner} she sent me a note, with a very apropos card in the shape of a tea cup. very elegant and lovely!

thanks, sweeterpea!!

bustin' the 'do

here it is, ten at night, and 96 degrees. but very much cooler inside, where jert and i and the puppies are now. earlier in the day, we had a very good time with friends and family. well, jert and i did. the doggies missed out on things for the most part. tho shaddow did get to model the three year old grandson's 'chu-chu' (an undefinable greenish bluish seaform sorta colored thermal cotton security blanket which is well loved and rather tattered). yeah, she be stylin'.

about twelve hours ago, i stumbled out of the bedroom, and was gonna pour myself a 'good morning to ya' cup of tea when i heard the front door open and various voices that belonged to more folks than either jert or any/all of the doggies in a collective way. i then sprung lively for the bedroom door as i'd not yet stepped into shorts. long time readers will note that i've kept the recurrent theme of being pant-less at inopportune times and places. yeah, i'm that much fun.

a few minutes later, properly attired for guests, i greeted jert's mom and his sister and her husband. there were a few last-minute things i needed to do, as i'd already sliced, diced, and brewed most of the stuffs for today's do. folks began to dribble and drabble in over the next few hours and by one, we had about twenty folks milling around the front yard where jert set up tables and chairs under the shaded trees {where we were getting some delightful breezes}. the food was good, the company was great, and we all had a good time. thanks, guys!

this afternoon, after we cleared the yard and cleaned all the stuff up, washed the dishes and packed the food away; i called my own father to wish him daddy's day. i thought it was only fair to sing to him a variation of "happy birthday", in keeping with special-day traditions. so dad got the whole, happy father's day to you {happyfathersdaytoyou, happyfathersdaydeardaddeeeee, HAPpyfathersdaytoyouuuuUUUuuu} treatment and then we chatted some. my folks had a 'cook-in' cuz it was too damn hot; but i liked our cook-out just fine, even tho i think we all collectively sweat enough to fill a wading pool {shudder, what a visual, eh?}.

mom and i discussed wedding-shoes, strappy sandles {which i usually tend to steer clear of, cuz dude, imma klutz; me and strappies are a dangerous combination~~but i think i can handle these for a day; besides which, the dress? sooooooooOOOoooo totally deserves strappies} and the rest of the house stuffs {like when is her schedule gonna let her get this way and what can i do in preparation of her visit}. i may, MAY, think about tiling the floors in the addition {the rooms where i ripped up the carpet}, but ya know, imma klutz and peel/press tile may be too much of a challenge.

so now the doggies are sprawled on the floor, the couch, and the chair. jert is munching on his nightly sunflower seeds, and i was crocheting; we watched GhostBUSTerZZZZZZZZZ and are now experiencing ghostbustersTWO. somehow i managed to miss both of them when they originally hit the screens in '84 and '89, respectively. i KNOW. jert was shocked too.

imdb lists ghostbuster the third coming out in 2012. oh how i wish i could do the straight faced emoticon here, cuz i have no friggen idea how to feel one way. i mean, there are so many levels of reactions here, like: "wtf?!?" and "really? really? how is that even possible?" and "oh, must be a cult thing". i'm pretty sure that in three years, you will not find me sitting in a theater watching bill akroyd and crew marching across the big screen to the "who ya gonna call" tune. tho i have to say, the special effects would be sooooOOooo much better. unless, they go ahead and retain the old school vibes for sentimental cult status continuity. which may actually be a good idea.

summertime and the living is......easy?

i spent a few hours in the kitchen this afternoon, getting ready for tomorrow's get-together. but at least i was in the air conditioned inside, po'jert was outside with his riding mower, weed wacker, and push mower. he was out there for about nine hours. in this friggen heat. here it is, almost 6p, and a heat index of 105. eeek.

tomorrow is the first day of summer, the longest day of the year, and father's day. jert mowed the yard, set up the outside tables, chairs, and swings. got the grill and charcoal all ready for the hamburgers and hotdogs. i made the salad topping mix, chopping and dicing cucumbers, tomatoes, purple onions, olives, jalapenoes, garlic, green bell peppers, carrots, radishes, etc and drizzling italian sundried tomato dressing; letting it marinate overnight, then tomorrow, i'll wash the lettuce and tear it up in preparation. i made a small amount of egg salad, and dished up lil amounts of various toppings for hamburgers. we'll also have shredded cheese for the salad available and sliced cheese for cheeseburgers. there will be bottled water, colas, lemon/lime soda, and sugar free orange drinks, ruby red grapefruit, and lemonaid. also, i brewed sweetened {but sugar free} peppermint tea, as well as a lemon ginger tea, a constant comment {which is orange with sweet spices}, and earl grey.

it'll be a great way to celebrate the beginning of summer, with friends and family. jert's three local children and their families will be here, along with his sister and her husband, his mother, and a very close friend of mine. i also invited another friend and her family, but i'm not sure if they can make it. i hope so. jert and i have another friend we'd like to come, but he's just getting back from a week long conference and i don't think he'll be unpacked yet. so it's about fifteen family, and a few friends, so i'm thinking total, between fifteen and twenty. yea!!

earlier, i'd stopped at the library for a few minutes. i love those library ladies!! they rock!

....uhm, think much of yourself?

the short answer to that would be "yes".

the longer answer is that i love the way jert allows me to be me, encourages me to be me, appreciates me for me, and finds me very desirable as is. that's a big ole boost to the ego, in huge ways when he does lil things. he's soooOOOoooo sweet to me!

lately i've been having lots of weird dreams {don't we all?}, in part cuz there are all sorts of things on my mind and in part cuz when the weather shifts, so does my thought processes. some dreams are scary, anxiety-causing; but most are just weird, things juxtaposed that make for extremely odd dreams.

and then every now and then, i'll have a funny dream. something that i can put into words but that is laughable. like one this morning, just before i awoke.

i dreamt that jert and i were at this HUGE store, like a super walmart/kmart/target, but even bigger. we walked in the front door and the greeter gave us the following task: find one item that will make the other person happiest. so i rush into the store, trying to brainstorm {which in dreams is very anxiety-producing} and finally grab some tissue paper, plastic wrap, ribbon, and lots of colored duct tape. and rushed thru the checkout and over to the customer service desk where i pressed the associates there into assisting me.

i wrapped each leg in several different layers of various colors of plastic, layered with various colors of tissue paper (babbling about how the colors would mingle to create other shades and tints and how i'd be like a gob-stopper, many layers of colors). i got wild with the duct tape and ribbon, getting extremely rushed in my attempts to hurry things along. {for some reason, since i didn't buy scissors, the employees at the customer service desk were loathe to let me use theirs}

eventually, i'm all thru and i rush over to the entrance/exit/greeter and start scanning for jert and there he is!! so i start hopping up and down, and when he does get over to me, he is laughing and grinning and just so happy and i got happier cuz i made him happy. it was a big ole happy fest going on!

yeah, so then i woke up and thought, "cheeeezzeeee, kah, ricccce...debra...think much of yourself?" to which i answered with a resounding, "yup!"

in the still of the night

i've not read stephanie meyer's twilight series. but after tonight, i think i'll look into it! i wasn't able to get the movie to play in the dvd player, so i decided to see if it would play on my laptop and so got out my earplugs and popped the movie in. and was blown away.

the cinematic shots, special affects, lighting, environment, all that and so much more combined to give the characters an extra intensity that just had that much more of an base-level tumultuous sensuality. it was easy to get swept up and to feel the scents, smell the rushing pulses, and taste the very sweetness of possibilities. *sigh*

i held off from seeing it, cuz i don't generally get all sucked into the hottest new trend and fad. also, i like to read, more so than watch a movie based on a book. but the other day, i'd heard about a band that was scheduled to open for NO DOUBT; when i looked them up {i think they're paramore~~sic}, i realized that they do one of the songs for twilight. then tonight, the movie came into my hands and i gotta say, i'm glad it did.

if the book is better than the movie, i may have to just bite the bullet and get my own copies of the series; rather than drool all over the library's copies. i'm sure they'll appreciate that. and that way i can maul my way thru at my own pace.

now, if you'll excuse me, i must go simmer down a bit and see if i can calm my racing thoughts enough to fall into the arms of blessed cool slumber. g'n'nite, sweeterpeas!

dry run for the wedding

sunday is father's day. and it's also the longest day of the year; it being summer solstice and all. jert and i've been wanting to have a cook-out for friends and family, and we figured this will be the most excellent time to do so! jert's three children who live fairly close will be here with their families, his mother is coming, and so is his sister and her husband. i'd also invited a few friends, who may or may not come over. it all depends.

so yesterday, i went to town and bought sixty hamburgers, twenty-four hotdogs, the appropriate buns, several types of mustard {yum, coarse brown and oooooooooh wanna try the southwestern sweet and spicy and then too there is the regular neon for the less adventurous souls}, ketsup, mayo, relish, onions, tomatoes, lettuce, etc. i also bought two cantaloupes; which the walmart lady bagged with the roma tomatoes. niiiiiiiiiiiiiice. i'll make a variety of teas, and sugar-free drink mixes, and a simple salad with cucumbers, carrots, radishes, green bell pepper, etc.

jert asked his eldest to bring her potato salad, and i'm really looking forward to it. i love potato salad and when given a choice between that and macaroni salad, i always opt for the potato salad. i was really disappointed in some that we had gotten from kroger (earlier this week, when neither of us felt like cooking), it didn't have hard boiled eggs nor did it seem to be quite as chunckily full of potatoes. it was more creamy and just seemed sort of bland.

his youngest is making two cakes, a regular larger one and then a smaller sugar-free one. that's pretty much what she plans to do for the wedding, so this will be sorta test trial for her too! with it being as hot as it is, i really appreciate this because i know it can't be fun to have the oven on with this extreme heat.

i'm not sure what, if anything, any one else is bringing. we just told folks that they can bring something if they wanted, like a bag of chips or drinks or something. i'm sure there'll be more than enough. purse strings are sorta tight right now, or else i'd have picked up some more fruits and made a big ole salad with plums, peaches, bananas, grapes, watermelon, etc. but that will have to wait for some other time!

given that we are combining two established households, on our invitations for the wedding, we've asked that in lieu of gifts, for folks to please bring their favorite side dish {as we are providing the meats, hamburgers, hotdogs, and chicken}. on the reply cards, i've a list of suggestions, like potato salad, macaroni salad, fruit trays, veggie trays, and such. so this sunday seems like a smaller version, more casual, of the wedding day's events!

hope every one is staying cool in this heat. our index reads 103 degrees! soooOOOooo glad i'm not working out on the highway, repairing asphalt and spreading tar. i'd be whiiiiiiiiiining even more than i do now!

iDoc

i'd an appt for the iDoc yesterday morning, but i wasn't feeling so hot so i called to reschedule; which is unusual for me, as i keep my appts. the headache i had yesterday was making my eyes hurt, or maybe it was the other way around; what i do know is that i didn't think having an eye exam when my eyes were bothering me and my head hurt was such a great idea. now, cuz my appt was originally scheduled for 8:45 am, i called right away, starting at 7:50a. the phone rang, and rang, and raaaaaaaaaaaaaaang, and i really really wanted to rest my head before i hurked and hurled {soooooooo very lovely, thanks for sharing!}. finally, i called jert at work, sniffling and all teary and babbled to him that i couldn't get ahold of the doc's office and i really didn't feel so hot and so he said that i should go back to bed, and let him call.

which i did, go back to bed, and i was asleep before my head hit the pillows. and he did, call the iDoc's office. he finally got thru, at 8:34. they snippishly admonished him, telling him that he should have called earlier. which he had, and he told them that. and then they snarkly said that the office didn't open til 8:30 and they don't answer the phones before that. so then jert asked pointedly asked them how was he to have called earlier if they weren't answering their phones? usually, i make my appts, and if i don't think i can show, i usually take care of contacting the folks and rescheduling. but not so in this case, and dude, am i glad! cuz i think i'd've burst into tears at the extra pain these folks' illogic would have caused my addled and injured brain.

so i'm to go see the iDoc this afternoon, when he might be able to squeeze me in. since i've already done all the paperwork and have already picked out the frames for the new glasses, i don't think the visit will last very long. if they do give me eyedrops tho, i may need to leave before my eyes are ready for me to drive, cuz of it being the end of the day and all. but, we'll cross that bridge when we get to it.

"a job well done," she nods with satisfaction.

with every single task that i do, i feel i get to cross it off some huge mental list with utter glee. it's a sad commentary how excited i get over the lil'st things. this evening was a great example. i was in the middle of ripping up some carpet when i realized that it was getting to be time for jert to be getting home and i knew he'd probably be pretty hungry so i washed up and then donned my june-cleaver pearls/apron/heels/makeup/perfume and whipped up a tasty dinner.

and after you finish spraying soda all over your screen, wipe the tears tracks of laughter from your face, now then. what i did get really psyched about was i alphabetized and organized the dvd's and the vhs tapes. hold on, wait, AND i also went thru the huge friggen box of office supplies. i KNOW, right?!?

hey, i take my satisfaction from a job well-done where and when i can. no task too small or menial to fly too low on my radar. *blip*blip*

giving this woman away

I called to talk with my dad earlier today. We don't get to speak much and when we do, it is usually for a few minutes in the passing of the phone to mom. My folks live about eight hours away, so we don't usually get to see each other very often either; but it's better than when we lived eighteen hours apart. This year's frequent longer visits from my mother have been the exception rather than the rule; in part, as part of her wedding gift to us is to help us with the house. The other part is the home-made wine she'll bring for the after wedding reception party to be here at the house.

I'd been thinking about my dad, in part cuz father's day is right around the corner. In part because I've been reviewing the wedding ceremony and there's that somewhat standard question, "who gives this woman away?" I do! I do!! I give me away!! However, I don't think that's what most of the other folk have in mind. Altho our wedding will not be very traditional, I do think that there are some things we plan to leave alone; esp if they are involving other folks.

Like giving me away. I actually called my father a few months back, and asked him to walk me out the pier. He said, "what?!? oh! of course!" Well, I thought asking would be better than me just assuming and then me standing at the base of the pier, gawking around for dad. But I can't remember if I asked if he'd give me away. You'd think it'd be a safe assumption. But it's not. Not necessarily. Leave nothing to chance, that's why they have rehersal dinners.

Our wedding will be fairly relaxed, with an emphasis on folks sharing in our celebration; instead of us getting all warped on details, Details, DETAILS. So, when the officiating best friend from childhood sent me the sample ceremony to customize to our tastes; I thought, "okey dokey, that can go, that can go, that can stay, oh! change that...and waittaminute holdit holdit holdit...what's this? this here rather arcane 'give this woman away' thing...well, now, lemme think..."

And I did. I thought about what it really means. At first, I thought, "well, it's not like i'm going from my dad's household into my husband's" {which was the original meaning, I'm fairly certain}. But then I rethought it, cuz my folks do help me out, from time to time. And my dad helps me out in some pretty major ways, without constantly reminding me, "yeah, by the way, debbie, that there internet provider service you have every month? I pay it for ya!" And he is there when I'm all teary and sniffly and freaking and he listens to me rattle on and always has some words to the wise.

It's not like that's gonna stop. It's not like my father ceases to be my dad. But it does mean that my father does get to worry less about me, cuz he knows that Jert has me, has my back, and lends me an ear, a shoulder, and is the one I turn to when I'm all jittery and all psych'd and all giddy with joy! spilling over. Dad still gets to be my daddy, but he also gets to rest easy and assured in some ways.

So yup, he's giving me away. Mom, too. Tho dad will probably say something like, "her mother and I do." in answer to the whole question of giving me away. And it'll sound right, but more importantly, it'll be right.

love ya, daddy.

tinkling around

yesterday afternoon, there were a few things that i needed an extra set of hands to do. and it turned out i needed two extra set of hands, and quite possibly the job would have been easier if i'da had even more extra sets of hands, but that was not to be. we made do with another extra set. that's the great thing about family living so close, ya can just make a call, ask them to zip over and lend a hand or two and POOF! the job is done.

so jert and i got the frosted green glass panel placed in the door {argen fargen, sigh, if i mess with it again, i'm just gonna insert obscure glass and have done with it; the frosted paint just scratches right off, so it's not what we were wanting after all that finagling; but ya live and learn, so now we know}. we also got what used to be part of a huge awkward corner cabinet thingy taken apart, with the extra planks set aside and there are now two wonderful bookshelves. since we can always use bookshelves, we were pleased with them. we moved them into the living room, so that we could have the front porch a bit more available for this weekend's father's day cookout. right now, the living space is a bit congested as it's a sort of repository for lots of wooden shelves, dressers, a sewing machine, and such. those things will eventually find their homes in some of the rooms that we haven't yet cleaned/painted/etc. i think that the folks coming for the cookout will be fine, cuz the jumble is not blocking the bathroom and there are plenty of other open spaces, access to the table and some chairs {altho, since it is a cookOUT, i'd think most folks would be OUTside; could just be me being all logical and making assumptions tho, doncha know}.

we did some other odds and ends, including brushing shaddow. we've tried various methods and tools, such as the furr-minator. but the best, absolute best, tool is actually a metal grooming loop with teeth that is generally used on horses. shaddow loves it, she will sometimes lay down and stretch out, relaxing completely to be groomed with this thing. what i like best about it is that you don't have to keep clearing the teeth; you just keep brushing and the undercoat just sorta wafts away in lil tufts. the best ten bucks i've spent on her!!

thing is, you could brush her for hours and hours and there'd still be loose hair working free. but it has cut down tremendously on the small tumbleweed-like clumps rolling around the floors inside the house. i know once i actually scrub/wax the floors, they'll be easier to keep clean; but right now, i sweep the floors every day {it seems} and gather up enough shaddow furrballs to make another smaller dog.

speaking of smaller dogs, harley {the chihuahua/whippet mix; would that be a "whip-cha"?} wanted to be groomed too. he sorta wedged his lil body in between jert and shaddow and streeeeeeeeetched up so that he was RIGHT THERE; so jert used the tool as lightly as he could, cuz harley is sorta thin-haired and doesn't have a massively dense undercoat. harley loved it! his lil eyes slitted shut, he arched his head forward and rolled over a bit so he could lift his leg in utter complete bliss.

pearl, a rat-cha {rat terrier/feist and chihuahua blend} wasn't getting in on the doggy-action; she woulda {i'm sure} but wasn't on hand, so missed out. there'll be other times tho, and i'm sure she'll discover it too. she gets terribly excited about the possibility that you may be might could possibly pet her and so i'm sure she'll be like "Oh My God!" over that. her lil barks are three quick sharp short ones in rapid succession, so i assign all sorts of attitude that might be working for her.

after cleaning the "lil" {uhm relatively speaking, since we just installed a 29 THOUSAND btu window unit, yes yes, window unit...who'da thought you could get one that large and still be a window unit?!?! not that i'm complaining, cuz dude, way lots more work and expense woulda had resulted if'n it wasn't a window unit, ya know?} air conditioner and taking apart the fan and cleaning it; i was filthy, so climbed in the shower. i remembered to take my clothes off this time, but left my shoes on. you'd think after 35 years of me bathing myself, i'd've that whole 'take off the duff' thing down pat...you'd be wrong tho, as it seems i tend to leave a few articles here and there on every now and then.

the shoes really needed to be cleaned tho, so it's allllllllllllll good.

this weekend is summer solstice, the longest day of the year. to me, this always seems wrong. it feels to me like the longest day oughta come in august or even september. ya know, when we are having our hottest days. of course, no one consulted me when they were messing around, tinkering with the earth's spin and the orbit 'round the sun and all that tilting stuff going on. it's a good thing too, cuz i'da been forgetting to take into account something and we'd be even more messed up than we are now. human errs, whatcha gonna do, tho; ya know?

well, gotta get the lil doggies in outta the heat. the index says, "95" and it's still morning here in mississippi! toodles, tinkers!

shut the front door!!

earlier, around ten i think, it was 85, with a heat index of 95. now, noonish, it's at one hundred degrees. i'm very glad i am not working outside. anytime i sweat while remaining perfectly still, it's way Way WAY too hot. and humid.

this past weekend, we took a load of stuff down to the coast for one of jert's daughters. she doesn't live on the coast, but one of her friends was to leave the coast today and go to oklahoma, where she is with her husband and daughter; so he could take her things as well as the stuff her husband's mother is giving them. while we were down thatta ways, we stopped over to see his son and spend the night.

the visit was great and we had a blast. ya know, except for the allergic reaction jert had to either the smoke from the new tiki torch, or the smoke from his son's cigar (i vote for the tiki torch, seeing that the cigar would most likely have fewer hazardous chemicals to emit; just saying). at any rate, jert was sitting pretty one minute and the next, he was clawing himself thru his jeans. we all got a bit worried, cuz huge welts rose up and he was covered in hives. he did take a shower, and a benedryl and then another benedryl and stayed indoors. after awhile, we weren't quite as worried, esp since he was breathing and ya know how important breathing can be and all.

we very much enjoyed each others' company, and i got to spend more than fifteen minutes with his son and his son's wife. i've not laughed like that in quite some time, well since mom was here. we had lots of deep belly rumbles, the kind of chortles that work their way into convulsions. and it got to the point where most everything was a hoot! whatta way to relax! thanks, guys!!

i don't exactly recall what was said at one point, but i do recall the response; which was: "shut the front door!" i thought that was hilarious, cuz i was so not expecting that. but it was perfect and suited the moment quite well, esp since those were the exact words and not exactly something you'd expect.

jert's sinus infection is lots better, tho he is still congested. my guess is that when he goes to see the doc next week, she'll put him on some anti-histamine medication for allergies. i'm very proud of him for being able to just say no, oh hell no, to the over-the-counter medicated nasal spray.

my energy level is barely above slug, which is closer but not quite snail. i was hoping that soon i could get it up to maybe tortoise, cuz i'd really like to do a few things around his place before this weekend's cookout and also before mom's visit. she won't be able to stay for as long, so i want to make sure i do all i possibly can before her arrival. that includes yanking up the nasty-ass carpetting and scrubbing the floors. there are some areas that need bleach treatments, like where the pet urine stains have seeped thru the carpet into the subflooring. that there chip board is rather absorbent and if i had the keen sense of smell that most dogs have, i could discern which past pet left which spreaded stain. i'd be like the featured forensic master. {hmmm, this smacks of Tuffy, the rat terrier, most probably when he was between ages four and six months judging by the content, which is congruent with the age of the stain, most likely seven years ago or there abouts. it overlays another scenting left by puglsy the pooch, and contains a smattering of fecal matter left most likely by fred, the fanciful mutt who thought he was King of the Feces. moving on to this abnormally large and oddly shaped stain...} i'm like 'abs', ya know, without the super cute hair and goth style.

toodles!

you've got mail from yer male

a ways back, when mom was here, we'd seriously misunderestimated the task at hand and so mom said that she might be able to stay a week or so longer if she could have my dad send her prescription info so she could get her meds. well, when i got the mail a few days later, she had not one package, but two. mom got mail at this address way before me.

so earlier today, i went out to get the mail after hauling the trash can to the shoulder for tomorrow's pickup. and there was a pastel lavender envelope addressed to ME!! ooooooooooooh, aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah; to further savor the joy of receiving real mail, i did what i always do in such a case~~i made myself go thru all the other mail first (in this case, just a few catalogs; i don't open other people's mail, not even jert's). then i held it up and felt all along it, smoothing my fingers over the thickness of the card within. i sniffed it, and examined it, flipping it over and then RIPPED the seal open and pulled out the wonderful loving thoughts that someone sent me, me!

and then i got all teary and sappy and sniffly and giggly and all that squishy good-girly-girl stuff. thanks so very much, baby. i love you for so many reasons, and this is just one!!

po' po' po'man o'mine

my po'man's sicker than sick. he's a sinus infection that has been brewing about in there for quite some time. he was accustomed to snorting up some nasal spray to help him breathe. turns out those lil warnings on the bottle that say something like, "don't habitually use this as it may be masking an underlying issue which may be serious~~consult your doctor" are actually on to something; i KNOW, who'da thunk, right?!?!

so, right now, he's in the throes of agony. he can't breathe, he feels miserable, and he can't get comfy enough to go to sleep.

and yet, he gathered his lunch/snacks for tomorrow...as if he's going to work. and i set the alarm, as tho he's going to work. and he's watching his TiVo'd shows, as tho he's going to work.

po'man's seriously delusional. in addition to being sick in the head. po'man, tsk. tsk.

*stop pickin' on me," sniffles one nose-head to the other.

holy shit, batboy!

duuuuuuuuuuuude, i don't even know where to start except to say...i need a break. it's been one thing after another {yeah, you too, right?} including an air conditioner breaking down, and a new one acquired but we have to have a professional come in and rewire us a 220v outlet so that we can even think about using the behemoth btu's. we did do an awful lot today, including replacing the lil window pane in the door with a slightly green tinted glass which we'll frost for opaquueness. and we had a nice visit with jert's youngest and she brought her youngest (he's getting to the pull-me-up stage, not quite able to walk, but he zzzzzzzzzips all over with that crawling).

i was eMailing a friend last night, and i realized, holy shit batboy, but we've been doing lots and have lots planned and it just doesn't seem like i'll be able to focus on getting the wedding invitations out til august. which may be better anyway, cuz then folks can reply in a timely relevant fashion. hopefully. and most folks already know, so i doubt anyone will get the invitation and go, "dayyyy-uhm, how bout that there debra getting herself all hitched'n ev.ree.thang".

i'm gonna go drink me a tall one now. my brain's too frizzled to even think beyond the next hour and that's ok. i'm takin' me a break, dammitall.

my WorldCat

sometimes i bookmark things with good intentions, then later when i weed thru them, i think, "what the hell?!?!" most times, i rediscover why i'd noted it in the first place; but there are those few strays that make me think that i was not in my right mind when i tagged the "p'nut butter jelly" time dancing banana. spike might like that for his 'comedy for stoners' segment, but probably not; seeing's to how its been around longer than his late night show.

then there are those left hand linkees {<-------------look!}. i'm usually pretty selective about what all i load my page with, for a few reasons, not the least of which is that generally, i like to streamline things as much as possible and as such, am so not the girly-girl frilly hearts and butterfly kinda gal. and also cuz i'm on dial-up and have great sensitivity for those other po'ass suckers on the slow line too. {yes, i'd ridden the sho'bus; but that was cuz the entire fourth grade at the one room school house was only nine kids}

so earlier when i was checking out a new-to-me site called stop! yer killin' me!! {check it! it's allllllllll about the mystery books}, cuz i wanted to check out this martha grimes chick who appears to be suffering from dissociative identity disorder {not really, but dude, her writing style was dragging but i read three of her books cuz i like the story, just not her writing style and then BOOM! the fourth book i picked up (cuz i'd already checked it out of our flpl) is AWESOME in story and style~~it's called "Biting the Moon" and it rocks; i saw a buncha other authors that i thought, wow, i need to check them out. but before i got my hopes all hiked up in the stratosphere, i thought, 'better check on availability'.

now a few months back (or maybe more like a year ago, time is taffy, doncha know), a good friend of mine who works as a cataloging librarian introduced me to the wonderful world of "WorldCat". basically, it's the huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuUUUUuuuuge ass catalog of the entire world's holdings. if the media has been cataloged, ever, by any one, any where; then it's in this database. AND the best part is...(well, it's free, otherwise i'da never even glanced at it; i'm allllllllll about free, ya know)...the absolute best part is, that for any title you put in, WorldCat generates a list with all the places which have it in their holdings, based on their proximity to your zipcode!

i KNOW! how cool is that?!?! plus there's like a gazillion other nifty neato things about the database service, so if you like to that sorta stuff, you'll wanna check www.worldcat.org and make it your own too!

cuz imma ijit

the other day, when i was driving along, singing my song, i realized, 'dude, i'd been singing the way wrong lyrics'. i was belting out All American Rejects' "gives you hell", oh so wrong. my butchered version was 'hope it keeps you well'. you'd've thought the title of the damn song woulda been more than a clue, debra.

'hope it keeps you well'. snort. yeah, that's me, putting a positive spin on everything.

reminds me of when i was mishearing {and lusty belting out} the lyrics for "rev'd up like a deuce, another runner in the night". my version of the bruce springsteen song (manfred mann's earth band made it a number one hit, springsteen wrote it) was: wrapped up like a douche, another boner in the night. which sorta made sense, at least to my convuluted thinking at the time.

yeah, i'm that much fun.

idn't my ring finger just soo beautiful?

yeah, sooooooo that whole "tie my arm to my side" thing is gonna have to be rethought and most likely discarded in favor of minimizing the damage done to my own foolish self. earlier, my left hand got very very intimate with the door jamb and a heavy cabinet. squished right in there, it was like wood sandwich with me for the meat filling. mmmmmmmmm. tasteeee.

i've never before squashed my nail like that, kenya believe?!? as clumsy as i am, you'd've thought that i'd've done that plenty of times. but, nope.

it's sure pretty tho. a lovely deep purple with a definite bluish undertone at the base (and by that, i mean that i can see thru my cuticle, shivers abound) and fading to a lovely fuschia that i wasn't aware a body could produce.

see there? learn something new every day.

ripping out carpet, fuuuuuuuuuuun

today, i called memom to discuss a cornucopia of matters. topics, questions, and notes were spilling outta my mind in a plethora of randomocities. memom is used to that and she handles it beautifully. sigh. that's my mom.

one of the topics we eventually hit on was a return visit from her with the both of us focusing on what it is that i can do prior to her arrival to eek the most out of her stay. she'll not be able to be here for an entire month again, so we need to streamline things so that we know exactly what we can do. i know that it had to get immensely boring reading about clearing, cleaning, scrubbing, waxing, painting, etc. the last bout; so i intend that i shan't be so tedious this time around.

instead, i'll do all the work in the nude. with one arm tied to my side. blindfolded.

too bad ya can't see me, either.

{snicker}

already jumping off the wagon

damn.

i needa new support group (to paraphrase huey lewis)

*ahem*

{thumpa.thumpa.thump}

hi.
{feedback squeal}

my name is debra. and uhm...i...well, i indulge in writing. well, okey then, i'm an addict. it wasn't always that way.


sometimes i write other people, ya know, friends. it started with letters and cards as a child. i never really did one of those international penpal things thru language programs at school. just ya know, folks that i already knew. well, i mean, i'd moved around alot as a kid, and so i'd write with friends that i'd made from the last move, or the one before that, or ya know, before that. yeah, so then in college, hooo-boy am i dating myself here...so anyway, in college, there was no internet that was widely available, so no eMails, or twitters, or blogs, or myspace, or facebook, or hell, well ya know social networking was still only something that ya did in a corporate sense with meetings, lunches, parties and such. so yeah, no "social networking" for me, cuz i was not a mover and shaker in the business world and that's really where social networking occured at that time. hell, social networking was not even a term yet.

yeah....so in college, i wrote long letters to my friends from highschool (well, they went to highschool; i didn't. i was one of those vo-tech kids that most people sorta sneer at...as in, 'ewww, you went to tech?!?' but oh that's for another time, yeah, good times that...good times) in my spiral bound notebooks where notes for my classes shoulda been priority. sometimes, i would end up writing for so long and at such depth that i wouldn't notice that calculus had been dismissed and the professor was now covering the chalk board with equations using scientific and mathematic symbols i'd no idea even existed let alone understood~~it was allllllll greek to me. yeah, try to slink your way out of a classroom full of fascinated folks who were reverently breathing the same air as the guest scientist from NASA. noooooo thankewverymuch; no, i simply sunk further into my seat and continued my long-ass letter to one of my friends who was at that time an engineer student on full scholarship to carnegie mellon in pitt. she at least had some appreciation and understanding of theta omegas and pi's and the like.

then, several years later, i discovered the netscape. and learned that i could actually write other people and they would get it just like {snap} that! oh! how wonderful! how joyous! how utterly addictive. i not only could write to others, but also receive their letters too! we could correspond so quickly! way way better than writing a note and sending it thru the US Postal system. why, all i needed was an eMAIL address and account and access to the computer lab!

oh yesssssssssssss. oh those were glorious days indeed. a time when i was happily putting my dreaded typing skills to use. a time when i thought that i was at the apex of my writing jones. this, oh yes, this would surely sate my desire to write with my friends.

{wiping brow} but oh no. wait. just wait one minute. no. no. i hadn't even reached the first pinnacle of what was to be. i didn't see the potential. the sheer enormity of what was to be revealed. well, all in good time. yes, all in good time.

{gulp} and then. well, then, yahoo! messenger came into my life and the whole concept of 'chatting' was born. dude, that meant that i could actually speak in real time, with someone hours away from me. i mean, yeah there was the phone, sure sure. but to be able to WRITE with someone in real time, who was not right here, oh how splendiferous! oh the ecstacy was truly dee-vine. *sigh* how very very wonderful.

oh yes, that was the start of my downfall, i think. that was when i realized that writing was something i could do immediately...well, and then! well, there came the laptop! and with that, well with that {shaking my head} how can i possibly explain the intoxication that drooled thru my veins, down my arms, and out my fingertips in the guise of words, oh WORDS! yes, now, i could write at any time, any where! surely there would be nothing better than this!

and then. folks began to complain that they could never reach me on the phone. well, yes, i explained, of course you can't. cuz i'm writing! i left my phone's ringer in the "OFF" position for five years. i let my voice-service pick up any and all messages. i returned those i wanted to, and deleted those i wanted to, and skipped over those that i wanted to skip over. i began to journal online and then that turned in a blogging habit.

{sharp inhalation}

for a habit it truly was. is. was and is. {shedding jacket and opening a few buttons at the collar} whew, confessing all this is making me sweat. k, well in for a penny, in for a pound. which raises another point, my love affair with words, and language, and syntax, and grammar, and oh it just goes on and on and on and...well, you get the picture.

did this vile habit interfere with my ability to live life? yes. i didn't see it at first. i mean, my love would ask, ya know the person in my life that i love, would ask me a question while i was typing and i'd snap at them, cuz they were interfering with my thought-word flow. the whole process would consume me completely and i'd snap and snarl and then i'd hastily apologize. i didn't mean to be that way. i'd try to excuse my behavior. i'd try to save face. i'd swear to them that it would be the last time, and never again would i act in such a way.

yeah. til the next time. and then the time after that. and so on. phew. but {holding aloft one index finger and pointing it to the heavens} i tried to quit. people left me. i lost my job. i couldn't eat, wouldn't sleep, my wife packed the kids and went to her mother's. i'm bankrupt. my toilet doesn't flush and i refuse to fix it cuz why won't my landlord answer my eMail about it?!?!

out of control. so uhm yeah. now i'm to this. i'm reduced to this. writing before you all, testifying, giving witness to my story. this {holding a damaged recycled jumpdrive} is a new start. thank you for being with me as i attempt yet again to get a handle, a grip on this whole thing.

{sniff}