16 June 2009

giving this woman away

I called to talk with my dad earlier today. We don't get to speak much and when we do, it is usually for a few minutes in the passing of the phone to mom. My folks live about eight hours away, so we don't usually get to see each other very often either; but it's better than when we lived eighteen hours apart. This year's frequent longer visits from my mother have been the exception rather than the rule; in part, as part of her wedding gift to us is to help us with the house. The other part is the home-made wine she'll bring for the after wedding reception party to be here at the house.

I'd been thinking about my dad, in part cuz father's day is right around the corner. In part because I've been reviewing the wedding ceremony and there's that somewhat standard question, "who gives this woman away?" I do! I do!! I give me away!! However, I don't think that's what most of the other folk have in mind. Altho our wedding will not be very traditional, I do think that there are some things we plan to leave alone; esp if they are involving other folks.

Like giving me away. I actually called my father a few months back, and asked him to walk me out the pier. He said, "what?!? oh! of course!" Well, I thought asking would be better than me just assuming and then me standing at the base of the pier, gawking around for dad. But I can't remember if I asked if he'd give me away. You'd think it'd be a safe assumption. But it's not. Not necessarily. Leave nothing to chance, that's why they have rehersal dinners.

Our wedding will be fairly relaxed, with an emphasis on folks sharing in our celebration; instead of us getting all warped on details, Details, DETAILS. So, when the officiating best friend from childhood sent me the sample ceremony to customize to our tastes; I thought, "okey dokey, that can go, that can go, that can stay, oh! change that...and waittaminute holdit holdit holdit...what's this? this here rather arcane 'give this woman away' thing...well, now, lemme think..."

And I did. I thought about what it really means. At first, I thought, "well, it's not like i'm going from my dad's household into my husband's" {which was the original meaning, I'm fairly certain}. But then I rethought it, cuz my folks do help me out, from time to time. And my dad helps me out in some pretty major ways, without constantly reminding me, "yeah, by the way, debbie, that there internet provider service you have every month? I pay it for ya!" And he is there when I'm all teary and sniffly and freaking and he listens to me rattle on and always has some words to the wise.

It's not like that's gonna stop. It's not like my father ceases to be my dad. But it does mean that my father does get to worry less about me, cuz he knows that Jert has me, has my back, and lends me an ear, a shoulder, and is the one I turn to when I'm all jittery and all psych'd and all giddy with joy! spilling over. Dad still gets to be my daddy, but he also gets to rest easy and assured in some ways.

So yup, he's giving me away. Mom, too. Tho dad will probably say something like, "her mother and I do." in answer to the whole question of giving me away. And it'll sound right, but more importantly, it'll be right.

love ya, daddy.

1 comment:

  1. That's so sweet. I know your dad is, and will be, very proud and happy for our wedding. Love ya.


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