27 June 2009

CanTeach asks...

  • What is something you dislike about yourself?
Establishing and maintaining boundaries has always been difficult for me. In fact, as a child and a young adult, I pretty much had none. So I'd say that something I dislike about myself is that sometimes, I feel like I'ven't much of a backbone. I don't think I act cowardly and sniveling to others, it's more myself. That I sometimes consciously debate what to do, how to act, makes me feel like I'm not an adult. That I sometimes choose to go the perceived easier route, can irritate me to no end.

Then too, I must remind myself that you choose your battles instead of fighting every scrimmage. As you can see, some of my boundaries have been chiseled in stone, but those usually pertain to my own behavior and thought processes; not to other folks'. I usually tend to give others the benefit of the doubt. jert says that sometimes I'm too kind for my own good.

Perhaps that is because I doubt my perception of reality at times and would like not to misconstrue other's behavior and such. So I'd rather err on their side. This isn't always healthy for me tho, as sometimes I end up hurting myself to be help them. Not good.

Navigating moderation, instead of clinging to first one extreme, then the other, is challenging at best. I've gotten somewhat better over the years, however, if I am worn down, weary, exhausted, confused, etc. then I tend to not trust myself as much as I perhaps should.

So maybe that's what it all boils down to. After all, isn't trust in one's self what establishing and maintaining boundaries what it is all about? or maybe that's the hokey-pokey.

that's what it's all about.

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