blurbs from me

I'm ok.  Thanks for being so caring.  I've spent most of the day in bed, napping and reading.  Very bizarre dreams that are a sure sign of great anxiety.

Tomorrow I will be writing an eMail to several folks that more clearly explains how my mental health is deteriorating.  Ironically, I'm not having the major problem with disability determination and the continuation review (altho that is not being resolved in any sort of a timely fashion).  The major problem is the situation with the Department of Education.

My mental health (and the lack thereof) is my primary disability.  It is challenging enough to function in the regular scheme of things.  But the added anxiety of the ongoing debate with the dept of edu is aggravating my disorders so that my mental health has been even more unstable than usual.

My primary health care providers are well aware of how this has been affecting me.  My counselor is intimately aware.  This past weekend, I was discussing the situation in more detail with Greta.  She asked a few questions, but didn't have to ask many, because I was more than willing to expound ad nauseum.  She suggested that I write a letter, which describes how this is affecting me, how the actual battle with dept of education is contributing to the worsening state of my mental health, which is my disability in the first place.  Greta pointed out that this letter can then be sent to folks who may be in the position to advocate for me.

So that's what I plan to do tomorrow.  Or at least to get it started.  Because I want to say what I have to say effectively and without getting lost in all the details of the last few years and the various interactions that I've had with the representatives of the dept of edu (not at the "he-said/she-said, then I-said" level anyway).  I've all the stuff documented, every phone call, every conversation, every piece of mail, every fax, every everything.  I want to let them know that, without gushing it out all at once.  Cuz the general point of the degrading tone and overall actions (and lack thereof) has been constant at this level.

I'm sorry if I am being too vague, or too confusing.  It's just that I wanted to be able to say what I want to say and it's a very upsetting area to speak of.  And that in turn makes it even more confusing and cloudy.  It is a huge part of why I've been battling the noise so much here of late.

thanks for caring.