10 September 2009

universities, where there's more than a good education

this morning, at half~a~clock, my jerry woke me with terrific regret and apologizing for the rain. i was croaking out reassurances which sounded anything but, while struggling to get to the bathroom without ricocheting off the doorjamb {3 pts!}. normally, he rides his bike to work. unless it's pouring out. and then he takes the truck, which we no longer have. so then, theoretically, he'd take the car. but today, i had my appt with my gp scheduled. so i splashed some water on my face, brushed my teeth, and shoved my feet into some sandals, while muttering, "don't worry baby, i love ya" {schlep, schlep out the door}.

as i was backing the car and turning the dew~doodle around, i noticed that my jerry seemed to be worried and not looking all that good. in short, i was troubled that he was troubled. and then, it kicks in, right about the time i ask him, why he is not feeling so perky.

today was his late wife and his anniversary. they would have been married for 33 years. that's a huge, Huge, HUGE importance, cuz they had had a great relationship that was realistically durable and strong. so jerry was feeling bad for all sorts of reasons, related to this situation.

first, his wife is no longer alive and actively a part of his life. and he misses her. and wishes she were still alive and here and all. and then, he feels bad about feeling that way; as tho somehow his love for her and his love for me are competing. in his head, he knows that's not the case. and in his heart, he needs some loving reassurances. so we talked about that, cuz we've had this conversation before and he knows how i feel and think and that i'm not bent outta shape over it.

in fact, i'd be seriously worried if he was able to move on without any looks back. his love for his late wife had first developed when he was a young man, and grew all thru their adult lives. they have five adult children together, who are all married and living productive lives, and seem to be for the most part happy and satisfied with their own lives. if his late wife were still alive, jerry and she would still be married.

and in a big way, they are still. they didn't dissolve their relationship, nor part ways. and it would be largely remiss to think that his love for her is not just as important and present as it was for several decades. love is not a toggle switch, flip it off or on. doesn't work like that, and nor should it.

so today was hard for that reason alone.

but then, it wasn't that reason alone. nope, he was feeling bad in a literal sense of physically becoming ill. both he and i've been feeling rather worn down and tired of late, but he hasn't had the luxury of napping to catch up on his rest, as i have had.

see, he works on campus, at the local state university, working with the students. i don't think that vet students are more likely to carry swine flu~virus around with them, tho maybe given the nature of the disease and all, that may be the case. our MSU was ranked number two {with ole miss ranking number three, yea miss'ippi, yea} in the nation for number of swine~flu cases. now, most schools tend to be breeding grounds for all kinds of lovely lil contagions, infections, and such. any place there are that many people, there stands to be lots of communicable patterns of disease. epidemiologists love universities, cuz you can get more than a good education there.

so, just cuz my jerry was cramping, and sweating, and feeling nauseous, and getting all gassy, and headachey, and oh maybe running a lil fever...that doesn't mean he has the swine~flu. but it did mean i went to get him from work at lunchtime. and it did mean that we didn't join his mother for a family dinner at the home she lives in. and it meant that he was in bed this afternoon, while i took his mom to the doctor {i'd already been to see mine this morning}. and it meant that he got all the phone calls that disturbed his sleep and made him extra fussy for awhile.

but, he does seem to be feeling some better and he was able to hold down some soup earlier. and i think, just to be on the safe side, he may stay home tomorrow. it was a suck~ass day for him all the way around. bless his heart.


  1. im sorry for his loss, and hey im a vet student!! glad he is eating keep an eye on him.

  2. You are just so smart about love Deb. And compassionate and caring and loving and kind. Jerry is a lucky man to have met a woman who 'gets it'.

    Feel better Jerry!


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