Other women may go shopping~mad when stressed, I get obsessed with stocking up on essentials that are non~perishable...that explains why there currently are 23 rolls of toilet paper and 12 rolls of paper towels in my cupboards. Along with three tubes of toothpaste, a few extra bottles of shampoo and liquid body soaps, there are also several gallons of bleach and a few mega~huge bottles of dish~detergent. Stocking up has long been a feeling of security for me.
So today, we braved the very frantic crowds at WalMart and packed several carts full of food and the aforementioned mega~packs of toiletries. Amazingly enough, we did manage to load all three carts of stuff into the lil dew~drop mobile. Jerry was heaving and ho'ing the flats of soda and caught one on the corner of some thing {i think maybe it was a sharp piece of the cart sticking out}. It punctured the can, spraying the WalMart version of Mountain Dew all over my white jeans. I looked like my water broke and also like I had the world's largest bladder that just unleashed, drenching me from the waist down with yellowish stickiness.
yeah, i'm that much fun.
good thing i had twenty rolls of toilet paper in the car.
31 August 2009
30 August 2009
less than nine weeks or two months, take yer pick
Good~bye August, Hello! September!
I know that the kids in this area started school weeks ago, but to me, September means fresh beginnings, newly sharpened pencils, unwritten note books, and unchewed erasers. I've not been a student for awhile now, and it's been even longer since I used what we typically tend to think of as "school supplies", but still, September is the end of summer and the welcoming of fall, with uncreased jeans, unholey socks, new shirts, squeaky new sneakers, and a hair~cut so recent that your neck still itches some. September begins with Labor Day, which is the real end of summer season, and altho the official start of autumn is later in the month, it seems to me that September is the turning of the leaves, the cooler nights, football season begins, and there may be yet a stretch or two of hot sunny days, but even that is limited.
Of course most of those memories have to do with my childhood in the mountains of Pennsylvania, where the growing season is a great deal shorter than that here in Miss'ippi. This year, September means that only two months {or less} is left of the Wedding/Party count~down. It means that I need to focus on taking care of lots of final lil details so that we can make sure that we are as ready for this momentous event as possible.
Along and about the second half of September, my mother and brother are coming to help us finish painting and such and getting as many of the guest rooms for the wedding. This coming week, my artist friend and I are going to make over the book I'd gotten for our wedding guests to write in. In the next few weeks, we'll be ordering and receiving the final touches for the wedding {and thereafter}. Now, things kick up a few notches.
So, I'm thinking that as much fun as every aspect of this wedding has been, I may need to focus on some element of my life that has nothing to do with that, in order to give myself a bit of a break from wanting to rush and do it all, right NOW {thereby losing my shit}. So later this month, I may join a new book club, which will get together for a couple hours every week. As long as it doesn't become another aspect of my current life for me to trip over. I think I'd written in the past few weeks about how when I get stressed, even with positive stuff, that I become uber~detail oriented.
Last night, I had to make myself resist the all~but overwhelming, commanding, demanding urge to scrub Scrub SCRUB with my toothbrush, the entire surfaces of the master bathroom. After backing away from the closed bathroom door, I grabbed my baby~pillow and threw myself into the Big Chair in the living room, where I sat on my feet and clutched my hands so that I wouldn't do anything dumb, like crochet yet another hat.
Cuz after all, how many hats can any one person wear? Even if you flaunt traditional fashion fads as I do, there are only so many hats max that I can wear at a time. Last year, I made and donated 250 hats to the children's hospital in Lil Rock. But this year, I don't have that many hats made. And I don't think I'll be able to make that kinda commitment at this point. So reading, yeah, I can handle a reading club at the moment.
I think.
I know that the kids in this area started school weeks ago, but to me, September means fresh beginnings, newly sharpened pencils, unwritten note books, and unchewed erasers. I've not been a student for awhile now, and it's been even longer since I used what we typically tend to think of as "school supplies", but still, September is the end of summer and the welcoming of fall, with uncreased jeans, unholey socks, new shirts, squeaky new sneakers, and a hair~cut so recent that your neck still itches some. September begins with Labor Day, which is the real end of summer season, and altho the official start of autumn is later in the month, it seems to me that September is the turning of the leaves, the cooler nights, football season begins, and there may be yet a stretch or two of hot sunny days, but even that is limited.
Of course most of those memories have to do with my childhood in the mountains of Pennsylvania, where the growing season is a great deal shorter than that here in Miss'ippi. This year, September means that only two months {or less} is left of the Wedding/Party count~down. It means that I need to focus on taking care of lots of final lil details so that we can make sure that we are as ready for this momentous event as possible.
Along and about the second half of September, my mother and brother are coming to help us finish painting and such and getting as many of the guest rooms for the wedding. This coming week, my artist friend and I are going to make over the book I'd gotten for our wedding guests to write in. In the next few weeks, we'll be ordering and receiving the final touches for the wedding {and thereafter}. Now, things kick up a few notches.
So, I'm thinking that as much fun as every aspect of this wedding has been, I may need to focus on some element of my life that has nothing to do with that, in order to give myself a bit of a break from wanting to rush and do it all, right NOW {thereby losing my shit}. So later this month, I may join a new book club, which will get together for a couple hours every week. As long as it doesn't become another aspect of my current life for me to trip over. I think I'd written in the past few weeks about how when I get stressed, even with positive stuff, that I become uber~detail oriented.
Last night, I had to make myself resist the all~but overwhelming, commanding, demanding urge to scrub Scrub SCRUB with my toothbrush, the entire surfaces of the master bathroom. After backing away from the closed bathroom door, I grabbed my baby~pillow and threw myself into the Big Chair in the living room, where I sat on my feet and clutched my hands so that I wouldn't do anything dumb, like crochet yet another hat.
Cuz after all, how many hats can any one person wear? Even if you flaunt traditional fashion fads as I do, there are only so many hats max that I can wear at a time. Last year, I made and donated 250 hats to the children's hospital in Lil Rock. But this year, I don't have that many hats made. And I don't think I'll be able to make that kinda commitment at this point. So reading, yeah, I can handle a reading club at the moment.
I think.
sharing the eMail, once again
Whales vs Mermaids
Recently, in a large French city, a poster featuring a young, thin, and tanned woman appeared in the window of a gym. The caption beneath it read: "THIS SUMMER, DO YOU WANT TO BE A MERMAID OR A WHALE?" A middle aged woman, whose physical characteristics did not match those of the woman on the poster, responded publicly to the question posed by the gym:
To Whom It May Concern: Whales are always surrounded by friends (dolphins, sea lions, curious humans). They have an active sex life, they get pregnant and have adorable baby whales. They have a wonderful time with dolphins in the seas, seeing wonderful places like Patagonia, the Barren Sea, and the coral reefs of Polynesia.
Whales are wonderful singers and have even recorded CDs. They are incredible creatures and virtually have no predators other than humans. They are loved, protected and admired by almost everyone in the world.
Mermaids don't exist. If they did exist, they would be lining up outside the offices of psychoanalysts due to identity crisis. Fish or human? Human or fish? They don't have a sex life because they kill men who get close to them, not to mention -- how could they have sex? Therefore they don't have kids either. Not to mention who wants to get close to a girl who smells like a fish store?
The choice is perfectly clear to me; I want to be a whale!
29 August 2009
wedding/party update & other bits and tids
Well {dusting off hands}, all but one {*ahem*ahem*} invitation has been mailed or hand~delivered. Several replies have already been returned. We're hoping the rest of them come in over the next month. That way, come October, we'll have a better idea whom to expect and what all needs we'll have to make sure we meet.
After finishing some yard~work and washing the cute lil dew~drop~mobile, my Jerry and I took a lil drive to see his youngest daughter's new home today. She cooked peas, mashed taters, and pork chops for us and we ate out on her back deck, overlooking a freshly mown lawn. It was nice to visit with her and see her so thrilled about her home! The two grandbabies were a hoot, and Jerry played with both lil boys, getting them to giggle and chortle and chuckle and even yell a lil. The youngest will turn one year in just two weeks and we were watching him try out his new shoes today. He would take these big huge wide steps and then sorta totter and then BOOM! fall back on his diapered butt, squealing and showing us his new teeth. The older grandson is a lil over three and chattered about the pool, and then grabbed my hand and pulled me into his new room, which has clouds painted on the walls and showed me his walk~in closet {which has a palm~tree, surf~board, sunny sky, and sandy beach painted on the wall}. He kept putting on his Sponge~Bob bookbag and saying, as he waved and walked away, "I'm going to school now, I hafta see ya later!!" Too cute, right?
Tomorrow, a dear friend is coming for a visit and I'm really quite excited! My Jerry hasn't met him yet, tho he's heard me yabble about him lots. He's really looking forward to meeting another friend of mine. Being that so many of my friends are scattered all over the country, it will be years before Jerry can meet all of them; altho, some are coming in for the wedding and we have over the last six months been taking some extended weekend trips to meet with some friends within the Southern states.
Another daughter of Jerry's {the one who visited with us for about a week recently} is driving across the country to start her new life in the NorthWest. I know that she'll love it and wish her all the best! She'll be flying back for the wedding, but it will be a short visit and then she'll be flying back out. So we really enjoyed her recent stay, it was extra special.
Within the next three weeks, my mother and brother will be coming for a week to help us complete the painting and laying the floors so that the guest rooms will be ready for the folks who will be staying with us over the wedding weekend. Some of the folks coming in for the wedding are bringing their RVs and setting up at the county lake, while some folks are staying here at Jerry's and others will be staying at area hotels. We want to make things as easy on people's wallets as possible, especially those traveling from great distances; so some folks are staying with us here.
Now that we are passing into two months til the wedding, and the invitations have been delivered, it feels more and more real for the both of us. We do have some details to take care of, but most everything is well in hand. {I think}
Have a great weekend!
After finishing some yard~work and washing the cute lil dew~drop~mobile, my Jerry and I took a lil drive to see his youngest daughter's new home today. She cooked peas, mashed taters, and pork chops for us and we ate out on her back deck, overlooking a freshly mown lawn. It was nice to visit with her and see her so thrilled about her home! The two grandbabies were a hoot, and Jerry played with both lil boys, getting them to giggle and chortle and chuckle and even yell a lil. The youngest will turn one year in just two weeks and we were watching him try out his new shoes today. He would take these big huge wide steps and then sorta totter and then BOOM! fall back on his diapered butt, squealing and showing us his new teeth. The older grandson is a lil over three and chattered about the pool, and then grabbed my hand and pulled me into his new room, which has clouds painted on the walls and showed me his walk~in closet {which has a palm~tree, surf~board, sunny sky, and sandy beach painted on the wall}. He kept putting on his Sponge~Bob bookbag and saying, as he waved and walked away, "I'm going to school now, I hafta see ya later!!" Too cute, right?
Tomorrow, a dear friend is coming for a visit and I'm really quite excited! My Jerry hasn't met him yet, tho he's heard me yabble about him lots. He's really looking forward to meeting another friend of mine. Being that so many of my friends are scattered all over the country, it will be years before Jerry can meet all of them; altho, some are coming in for the wedding and we have over the last six months been taking some extended weekend trips to meet with some friends within the Southern states.
Another daughter of Jerry's {the one who visited with us for about a week recently} is driving across the country to start her new life in the NorthWest. I know that she'll love it and wish her all the best! She'll be flying back for the wedding, but it will be a short visit and then she'll be flying back out. So we really enjoyed her recent stay, it was extra special.
Within the next three weeks, my mother and brother will be coming for a week to help us complete the painting and laying the floors so that the guest rooms will be ready for the folks who will be staying with us over the wedding weekend. Some of the folks coming in for the wedding are bringing their RVs and setting up at the county lake, while some folks are staying here at Jerry's and others will be staying at area hotels. We want to make things as easy on people's wallets as possible, especially those traveling from great distances; so some folks are staying with us here.
Now that we are passing into two months til the wedding, and the invitations have been delivered, it feels more and more real for the both of us. We do have some details to take care of, but most everything is well in hand. {I think}
Have a great weekend!
28 August 2009
wedding update
okey dokey, pokeys! as you can see, it's pretty late {or early}. i've not been sleeping really well at night. having very odd dreams {including one that featured brad pitt pimping a proposed film, while staying in character which flipped back and forth between his roles in "basterds" and "12 monkeys"; since celebs don't usually make an appearance in my dreams, this was very odd indeed} disturbs me cuz even in my sleep, i'm troubled when things just don't make sense. i've also developed this tick under my left eye, at the outter corner. this is extremely hilarious for me, cuz i keep wanting to lapse into a corny role, and over emphasize the twitch. at any rate, sleep has been fairly elusive, esp at the oh so much more appropriate hours of say "nighttime". of late, the peace and calming quiet at night allows me to think more clearly, cuz i have less stimuli demanding my attention. but this means that i'm so preoccupied that i am not relaxing enough to SLEEP.
i am, however, fairly productive. exhibit A, see journal entries date/time stamp. exhibit 2 {just cuz i like to mix things up...sometimes}, the very organized spreadsheet on my desktop {you want to see it...but no! you cannot touch the mango}. and exhibit C, my brain.
okey dokey then, moving on...
earlier today, my jerry was attacking the yard work with a vengeance {shaking fist at the sky} and i zippittee zoomed around in my lil dew~drop mobile, delivering most of the invitations to my friends in the area {i say "most" cuz dammit, andrea, you need to come over...ANDREA...yes, you! you know who you are!! bring yer cutie~pie and get out of your home and come for lunch ANDREA}
i dropped some invitations in the mail. so there are still some, about ten, i think, that need to be hand~delivered yet. my jerry and i will do that together, or he will drop some off when he visits his mom and when we can catch some family around. i think that come monday, we'll have all invitations save a couple~few delivered {ahem, ANDREA...}.
so today, i buzz up to my friend's work place {yes, yes, friend as in singular, cuz we all know, i only have a friend} cuz i didn't take my jerry's cell nor my friend's cell number {cuz we all also know that i'm extremely antiquated in some respects, like technological gadgetry use...i embarrass others with how ignorant i am about these things} and i couldn't remember what time he leaves work. for some reason, i was thinking it was three or so {hey there, friend, it is I, debraaaaa}. since i don't usually go all busting up into someone's place of work, i wasn't exactly sure where his location was within the complex. but i was thinking {apparently not very clearly} that this once would be a fine exception {especially since i've known the man for uhm...six~ish years}.
oh lord, was that ever a fiasco! it was funny, even at the time, tho my bursting into giggles and snickers did not help matters and the rather inSecure pompous ass i was speaking with was getting more and more frustrated. finally, i said {and i'm paraphrasing here}, "dude, really, it's ok; i'll just zip on by his home, cuz this is way too complicated now and he may already have left...toodles". the guy actually stepped out in front of my car, held his STOP NOW hand up, and then got this amazed and puzzled look on his face {cuz i did stop and waited, but he didn't seem to know what to do; flustered dude, po'po' flustered dude. sigh}. then he most have decided that it was ok for me to go, cuz it was on HIS terms and waved me on. i don't want to go into too many specific details, but the dude was very befuddled and if it's true that he'd been employed there for ten years, as a security dude, then i'd be worried...cuz he not only didn't know his own staff, but he also gave incorrect directions and information. i think i could have driven away with all sorts of stuff, an entire new bedroom suite even; while he stood there with his authorative bluster thumb up his ass...i'm just saying.
so whilst killing some time, waiting at my friend's house, i listened to the audio book due monday and drew some ideas for our wedding friend/family book. it's gonna be kick~ass! and fun, Fun, FUN!!
oh hey, i might can sleep now...seize the moment while it lasts....toodles
i am, however, fairly productive. exhibit A, see journal entries date/time stamp. exhibit 2 {just cuz i like to mix things up...sometimes}, the very organized spreadsheet on my desktop {you want to see it...but no! you cannot touch the mango}. and exhibit C, my brain.
okey dokey then, moving on...
earlier today, my jerry was attacking the yard work with a vengeance {shaking fist at the sky} and i zippittee zoomed around in my lil dew~drop mobile, delivering most of the invitations to my friends in the area {i say "most" cuz dammit, andrea, you need to come over...ANDREA...yes, you! you know who you are!! bring yer cutie~pie and get out of your home and come for lunch ANDREA}
i dropped some invitations in the mail. so there are still some, about ten, i think, that need to be hand~delivered yet. my jerry and i will do that together, or he will drop some off when he visits his mom and when we can catch some family around. i think that come monday, we'll have all invitations save a couple~few delivered {ahem, ANDREA...}.
so today, i buzz up to my friend's work place {yes, yes, friend as in singular, cuz we all know, i only have a friend} cuz i didn't take my jerry's cell nor my friend's cell number {cuz we all also know that i'm extremely antiquated in some respects, like technological gadgetry use...i embarrass others with how ignorant i am about these things} and i couldn't remember what time he leaves work. for some reason, i was thinking it was three or so {hey there, friend, it is I, debraaaaa}. since i don't usually go all busting up into someone's place of work, i wasn't exactly sure where his location was within the complex. but i was thinking {apparently not very clearly} that this once would be a fine exception {especially since i've known the man for uhm...six~ish years}.
oh lord, was that ever a fiasco! it was funny, even at the time, tho my bursting into giggles and snickers did not help matters and the rather inSecure pompous ass i was speaking with was getting more and more frustrated. finally, i said {and i'm paraphrasing here}, "dude, really, it's ok; i'll just zip on by his home, cuz this is way too complicated now and he may already have left...toodles". the guy actually stepped out in front of my car, held his STOP NOW hand up, and then got this amazed and puzzled look on his face {cuz i did stop and waited, but he didn't seem to know what to do; flustered dude, po'po' flustered dude. sigh}. then he most have decided that it was ok for me to go, cuz it was on HIS terms and waved me on. i don't want to go into too many specific details, but the dude was very befuddled and if it's true that he'd been employed there for ten years, as a security dude, then i'd be worried...cuz he not only didn't know his own staff, but he also gave incorrect directions and information. i think i could have driven away with all sorts of stuff, an entire new bedroom suite even; while he stood there with his authorative bluster thumb up his ass...i'm just saying.
so whilst killing some time, waiting at my friend's house, i listened to the audio book due monday and drew some ideas for our wedding friend/family book. it's gonna be kick~ass! and fun, Fun, FUN!!
oh hey, i might can sleep now...seize the moment while it lasts....toodles
27 August 2009
...AWKward..
I flip thru the Reader's Digest that comes thru every month. Usually, I read the quips and jokes and then pass it on {my Jerry takes it to work and puts in on the free~table}. There was a hilarious photo in there that directed me to this site {yes, i do what magazines tell me; always}. I will post that pic, when I get to it. In the meantime, I selected this for your viewing snickers.
26 August 2009
oh details details details...or is that drama...?
I've been thinking about this lots in the last few weeks. I'd brought it up and discussed it with both my Jerry and my counselor, cuz I can be frank with both and because both give me good food for thought. And here are some conclusions I've drawn...
In the last few months, I've become way~more drama~oriented than I'd like. I saw the warning signs a few times, and sometimes there were flares and flashes of warnings of *danger.danger.will.robin.son* proportions. I wasn't sure if some of the discussions I'd been having were more of the gossip variety or if they were truly information~sharing {the latter being acceptable and the former being despicable}. I also was aware that sometimes when I'm under stress, I grow very detail~oriented. Sometimes that is a very good thing, but when it manifests in less desirable ways, it can overwhelm me and be very unhealthy.
A good example of that is when I recently was asked a very mundane harmless question, which I answered truthfully. But internally, there was an entire dialogue that quickly spiraled into such a racket that I actually began to hyperventilate. I was thinking, why did they ask that, what did they mean, did they ask because of this, or that, or or or and oh! what could they have meant, really, truly? and should i have explained this or that or ... and there just was no pretty place to go once it got to that point in my own head.
Like fosters like. Usually if you calmly discuss something, then others will respond with calmness too. That's why arguing can usually lead to screaming matches, hurt feelings, flared emotions, and be extremely destructive to relationships. Drama breeds drama. I've noticed that sometimes, well usually, there isn't an overtly malicious intention when talk gets passed on. I think that most times, folks feel they are just sharing information. But what can happen, and so often does, is that things get misconstrued, misrepresented, blown out of proportion, and so on. Stuff gets stirred up, and more fuel to the fire, and then there doesn't seem to be a way to calm the waters. Indeed it can be a catch.22; if you try to explain yourself to a remote party, then that stuff gets batted around and can often worsen what was already on its way to being a sad sorry situation. Yet if you don't speak up, folks can interpret that silence as assent and then it gets spread that you confirmed what was erroneous in the first place.
I haven't really had to deal with this sort of stuff over the past few years. I did not become a recluse per se. But I did make a conscious decision seven years back when I relocated here to Mississippi that I wouldn't allow any energy~suckers to drain my life. I was newly admitted to a PhD program, new location, new job, etc etc. So I established only good positive relationships, with good positive people and refused to let myself be drawn into encounters that smacked of negative whiners. Then, two years later, it wasn't a preference of mine any longer.
It was necessity. My health depended on doing what was good for me. So I did isolate to some extent. Mostly cuz I needed to focus on me, doing what was right for me, and being healthier. I lived in a very quiet, peaceful place and I surrounded myself with restive comforts {teas, books, quilts, and music}. I took things on my terms, and so folks knew that if they did call my home, they'd get my answering service cuz the ringer on my phone was permanently in the "off" position. And really, what possible situation could anyone have that they would absolutely need to get in touch with me right this very second? Really? I have no children and have no dependents. Worse case scenario, if something happened to one of my parents, and they were dying in the hospital; what can I possibly do from eight hours away at that precise moment? Nothing. And no one gave me any shit about me taking care of me, cuz they were good peeps that loved me and whom I loved too. We cared and respected each other and fostered each others' health and growth in the best possible way...supporting each other.
So I hadn't dealt with lots of people, because I had the option of living that way. Over the years, I did grow stronger and healthier and was able to gradually start to establish more casual friendships and such. I did spend about two years with intense anxiety whenever I would leave my home, my safeplace. I had to work really hard to get thru the agoraphobia. Ya know how everyone jokes about how walmart's crowds can get on their last nerve? Well, I'd actually had a panic attack that sent me into a fetal crouch behind a bath~towel display at Christmas time a few years back. I wasn't aware of that until the manager squatted down in front of me, cuz apparently my "i'm ok i'm ok i'm ok" mantra coupled with my rocking was drawing quite the crowd which then made me even more anxious. Yeah, I'm that much fun.
Well, I'm more capable, most of the time, more often and I have better days, for longer periods of time, now. Sometimes, I relapse pretty hard. I do alot of self~monitoring, so most of the times, I can see the triggers and recognize them as such. And then I can do what I can to cope.
But sometimes, something blind~sides me. Or I didn't catch the warning signs. And I end up crashing hard. Or spiralling outta control so hard, so fast, that it is so not pretty. It's not pretty for me. It's not pretty for those around me. It's not pretty for those who love me, to watch me struggle and get thru, moving thru those dark days to get a better foothold and move on to a better place.
So, when I begin to overload...to question my perception, to think "well, it could be this...or that...or maybe this over here..."; sometimes I can get that under control and pull myself thru that sticky mess to a more confident sure area. Other times, that muck mires me down and time becomes taffy and the more I struggle, the thicker the morass becomes. The noise ratchets up and the dissension becomes babbling and then I need to be in a quiet place, with as few outside interference, til I get myself back.
I love my Jerry. I know he loves me. There are so many absolute positives, and so many mostly positives in our relationship, that it makes the not~so~positives more bearable. Life constantly presents difficulties, and even if I eliminate what I can, there is still some. That's life. Ya gotta take the crunchy with the smooth. And let's face it, sometimes the smooth gets bland and that crunchiness is not necessarily a bad thing. It's all in perspective.
One of the things tho that I do struggle with some is that Jerry has alot of people attached. I'm not saying that they depend on him. I'm saying that he knows lots of people, and is close to lots, and as such, my whole world has exploded expodentially with entire networks of folks that I now know too. This is mostly a very good thing. But it means that I sometimes feel that I no longer have the option of limiting my interaction entirely based on my own power. I think that for the most part, I'm ok with all that.
But here of late, I'm more stressed, even positive change is stressful. And when I'm stressed, I leave the hard~won moderate space and revert to extremes. Which means that I become detail~oriented to the ~nTH degree. It means that any dormant sense of paranoia that was dwelling comes raging to the forefront and begins to clamor and send all sorts on unnecessary warnings and cautions and I end up short~circuiting from all the extra stimuli.
I've meandered all over the friggen globe here, in saying all this. But my point was that I've been losing my healthy balanced perspectives and the things that would have barely blipped on my radar has become OMG*RED~ALERT*CRISIS~MODE*SHUT~DOWN*UPwiththeSTEEL~DOORS* and I've reacted to some things with increasing overreactions. I'm not proud of that.
Hopefully, I'm regaining some more balanced perspective. And hopefully my flare for drama will have run its course. And maybe next time, I can handle it better.
Thanks for reading.
In the last few months, I've become way~more drama~oriented than I'd like. I saw the warning signs a few times, and sometimes there were flares and flashes of warnings of *danger.danger.will.robin.son* proportions. I wasn't sure if some of the discussions I'd been having were more of the gossip variety or if they were truly information~sharing {the latter being acceptable and the former being despicable}. I also was aware that sometimes when I'm under stress, I grow very detail~oriented. Sometimes that is a very good thing, but when it manifests in less desirable ways, it can overwhelm me and be very unhealthy.
A good example of that is when I recently was asked a very mundane harmless question, which I answered truthfully. But internally, there was an entire dialogue that quickly spiraled into such a racket that I actually began to hyperventilate. I was thinking, why did they ask that, what did they mean, did they ask because of this, or that, or or or and oh! what could they have meant, really, truly? and should i have explained this or that or ... and there just was no pretty place to go once it got to that point in my own head.
Like fosters like. Usually if you calmly discuss something, then others will respond with calmness too. That's why arguing can usually lead to screaming matches, hurt feelings, flared emotions, and be extremely destructive to relationships. Drama breeds drama. I've noticed that sometimes, well usually, there isn't an overtly malicious intention when talk gets passed on. I think that most times, folks feel they are just sharing information. But what can happen, and so often does, is that things get misconstrued, misrepresented, blown out of proportion, and so on. Stuff gets stirred up, and more fuel to the fire, and then there doesn't seem to be a way to calm the waters. Indeed it can be a catch.22; if you try to explain yourself to a remote party, then that stuff gets batted around and can often worsen what was already on its way to being a sad sorry situation. Yet if you don't speak up, folks can interpret that silence as assent and then it gets spread that you confirmed what was erroneous in the first place.
I haven't really had to deal with this sort of stuff over the past few years. I did not become a recluse per se. But I did make a conscious decision seven years back when I relocated here to Mississippi that I wouldn't allow any energy~suckers to drain my life. I was newly admitted to a PhD program, new location, new job, etc etc. So I established only good positive relationships, with good positive people and refused to let myself be drawn into encounters that smacked of negative whiners. Then, two years later, it wasn't a preference of mine any longer.
It was necessity. My health depended on doing what was good for me. So I did isolate to some extent. Mostly cuz I needed to focus on me, doing what was right for me, and being healthier. I lived in a very quiet, peaceful place and I surrounded myself with restive comforts {teas, books, quilts, and music}. I took things on my terms, and so folks knew that if they did call my home, they'd get my answering service cuz the ringer on my phone was permanently in the "off" position. And really, what possible situation could anyone have that they would absolutely need to get in touch with me right this very second? Really? I have no children and have no dependents. Worse case scenario, if something happened to one of my parents, and they were dying in the hospital; what can I possibly do from eight hours away at that precise moment? Nothing. And no one gave me any shit about me taking care of me, cuz they were good peeps that loved me and whom I loved too. We cared and respected each other and fostered each others' health and growth in the best possible way...supporting each other.
So I hadn't dealt with lots of people, because I had the option of living that way. Over the years, I did grow stronger and healthier and was able to gradually start to establish more casual friendships and such. I did spend about two years with intense anxiety whenever I would leave my home, my safeplace. I had to work really hard to get thru the agoraphobia. Ya know how everyone jokes about how walmart's crowds can get on their last nerve? Well, I'd actually had a panic attack that sent me into a fetal crouch behind a bath~towel display at Christmas time a few years back. I wasn't aware of that until the manager squatted down in front of me, cuz apparently my "i'm ok i'm ok i'm ok" mantra coupled with my rocking was drawing quite the crowd which then made me even more anxious. Yeah, I'm that much fun.
Well, I'm more capable, most of the time, more often and I have better days, for longer periods of time, now. Sometimes, I relapse pretty hard. I do alot of self~monitoring, so most of the times, I can see the triggers and recognize them as such. And then I can do what I can to cope.
But sometimes, something blind~sides me. Or I didn't catch the warning signs. And I end up crashing hard. Or spiralling outta control so hard, so fast, that it is so not pretty. It's not pretty for me. It's not pretty for those around me. It's not pretty for those who love me, to watch me struggle and get thru, moving thru those dark days to get a better foothold and move on to a better place.
So, when I begin to overload...to question my perception, to think "well, it could be this...or that...or maybe this over here..."; sometimes I can get that under control and pull myself thru that sticky mess to a more confident sure area. Other times, that muck mires me down and time becomes taffy and the more I struggle, the thicker the morass becomes. The noise ratchets up and the dissension becomes babbling and then I need to be in a quiet place, with as few outside interference, til I get myself back.
I love my Jerry. I know he loves me. There are so many absolute positives, and so many mostly positives in our relationship, that it makes the not~so~positives more bearable. Life constantly presents difficulties, and even if I eliminate what I can, there is still some. That's life. Ya gotta take the crunchy with the smooth. And let's face it, sometimes the smooth gets bland and that crunchiness is not necessarily a bad thing. It's all in perspective.
One of the things tho that I do struggle with some is that Jerry has alot of people attached. I'm not saying that they depend on him. I'm saying that he knows lots of people, and is close to lots, and as such, my whole world has exploded expodentially with entire networks of folks that I now know too. This is mostly a very good thing. But it means that I sometimes feel that I no longer have the option of limiting my interaction entirely based on my own power. I think that for the most part, I'm ok with all that.
But here of late, I'm more stressed, even positive change is stressful. And when I'm stressed, I leave the hard~won moderate space and revert to extremes. Which means that I become detail~oriented to the ~nTH degree. It means that any dormant sense of paranoia that was dwelling comes raging to the forefront and begins to clamor and send all sorts on unnecessary warnings and cautions and I end up short~circuiting from all the extra stimuli.
I've meandered all over the friggen globe here, in saying all this. But my point was that I've been losing my healthy balanced perspectives and the things that would have barely blipped on my radar has become OMG*RED~ALERT*CRISIS~MODE*SHUT~DOWN*UPwiththeSTEEL~DOORS* and I've reacted to some things with increasing overreactions. I'm not proud of that.
Hopefully, I'm regaining some more balanced perspective. And hopefully my flare for drama will have run its course. And maybe next time, I can handle it better.
Thanks for reading.
ijits live everywhere
I opened my eMail to find the below rules, as followed by most all rural Pennsylvanians. They were sent to me by a good friend of mine; we went to high~school {actually, a vo~tech} together and {you guessed it} we're from PA. Now, she lives in Chattanooga {has since '94} and I've lived in the South since '95 {been here in Miss'ippi for almost eight years}. We both love where we live, and wouldn't change that. We don't feel that those in the north are better than those in the South. Far from it; this list is cuz there are those urban folks from NY {as in the city} who've moved into PA cuz they just find it oh so charming, and yet don't respect the area and think of themselves as better than the locals. Yet it is the urbanites who usually bring the problems {crime, pollution, and oh! populations, making what was quaint into traffic~jammed areas}. Ironic, eh?
So here're the rules:
The Rules of Rural Pennsylvania are as follows:
1. Pull your droopy drawers up. You look like an idiot.
2. Turn your cap right, your head isn't crooked.
3. Let's get this straight, it's called a "dirt road". No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it, or get out of the way.
4. They are cattle. They're live steaks. That's why they smell funny to you, get over it. Don't like it? I-80 goes east/west and I-81 goes north/south. Pick one.
5. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $150,000 corn pickers and hay balers that are driven only three weeks a year.
6. Every person in rural Pennsylvania waves. We think of it as being friendly. Try to understand the concept.
7. If that cell phone rings while an 8~point buck and three does are coming in, we will shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.
8. Yeppers, we eat taters & gravy, beans & cornbread. We fry our fish after catch'n 'em. You really want sushi and caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.
9. The "opener" refers to the First Day of Deer Season. It's a religious holiday held on the Monday after Thanksgiving. Businesses shut down, high~schools cancel, and the entire male population over 14 and a good portion of women too call in sick {and employers expect that}.
10. We open doors for women. That's applied to all women, regardless of age.
11. No, there is not a vegetarian special. Order steak. Or you can order the chef's salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey.
12. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats/fish, vegetables, and breads. We use four spices: salt, pepper, hot sauce, and ketchup. And no, we don't care what you folks in Jersey call that stuff you eat, it's not real chili.
13. You bring "coke" into my house, it better be brown, wet, and poured into a glass.
14. You bring "mary jane" into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, and have long hair.
15. College and high~school football is as important here as the Eagles and the Steelers. And a helluva lot more fun to watch.
16. Yep, we have golf courses, but don't hit the water hazards {it spooks the fish}.
17. Colleges? Yup, we have them all over. We have state universities, community colleges, and vo~techs. They come outta there with an education, plus a love for God and Country. They still wave at everybody when they come home for the holidays.
18. We have a whole ton of folks in the army, navy, air force, and marines. So don't mess with us. If you do, you will get whipped by the best.
19. Turn down that blasted car stereo. That thumpity~thump's not music anyway. We don't want to hear it anymore'n we want to see your boxers {refer back to #1}.
20. Four inches isn't a blizzard. It's a flurry. Drive like you got some sense. And don't take all our bread, milk, and toilet paper from the grocery stores when a storm's coming in. You're not in Alaska. Worst case, you may have to live a whole day without croissants. Have heart, the pickups with snow~blades will have you out the next day.
So here're the rules:
The Rules of Rural Pennsylvania are as follows:
1. Pull your droopy drawers up. You look like an idiot.
2. Turn your cap right, your head isn't crooked.
3. Let's get this straight, it's called a "dirt road". No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it, or get out of the way.
4. They are cattle. They're live steaks. That's why they smell funny to you, get over it. Don't like it? I-80 goes east/west and I-81 goes north/south. Pick one.
5. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $150,000 corn pickers and hay balers that are driven only three weeks a year.
6. Every person in rural Pennsylvania waves. We think of it as being friendly. Try to understand the concept.
7. If that cell phone rings while an 8~point buck and three does are coming in, we will shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.
8. Yeppers, we eat taters & gravy, beans & cornbread. We fry our fish after catch'n 'em. You really want sushi and caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.
9. The "opener" refers to the First Day of Deer Season. It's a religious holiday held on the Monday after Thanksgiving. Businesses shut down, high~schools cancel, and the entire male population over 14 and a good portion of women too call in sick {and employers expect that}.
10. We open doors for women. That's applied to all women, regardless of age.
11. No, there is not a vegetarian special. Order steak. Or you can order the chef's salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey.
12. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats/fish, vegetables, and breads. We use four spices: salt, pepper, hot sauce, and ketchup. And no, we don't care what you folks in Jersey call that stuff you eat, it's not real chili.
13. You bring "coke" into my house, it better be brown, wet, and poured into a glass.
14. You bring "mary jane" into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, and have long hair.
15. College and high~school football is as important here as the Eagles and the Steelers. And a helluva lot more fun to watch.
16. Yep, we have golf courses, but don't hit the water hazards {it spooks the fish}.
17. Colleges? Yup, we have them all over. We have state universities, community colleges, and vo~techs. They come outta there with an education, plus a love for God and Country. They still wave at everybody when they come home for the holidays.
18. We have a whole ton of folks in the army, navy, air force, and marines. So don't mess with us. If you do, you will get whipped by the best.
19. Turn down that blasted car stereo. That thumpity~thump's not music anyway. We don't want to hear it anymore'n we want to see your boxers {refer back to #1}.
20. Four inches isn't a blizzard. It's a flurry. Drive like you got some sense. And don't take all our bread, milk, and toilet paper from the grocery stores when a storm's coming in. You're not in Alaska. Worst case, you may have to live a whole day without croissants. Have heart, the pickups with snow~blades will have you out the next day.
23 August 2009
Friday, I went over to my friend, Adria's. She's an artist, whose chosen media usually is colored pencil. If you live in the Golden Triangle region, chances are you've seen her work featured in the newspaper, at the public library, various restaurants and businesses in the area, and so forth. Most of her work is commissioned by private parties tho, and all of it is breathe~taking.
A few months back, well, ok, more than a few...more like six months ago, I designed our wedding invitations. I did a few entries and showed some mock~ups here in this journal. I was careful not to use specific names and contact information, but other than that, I think they were fairly complete.
Adria also teaches some classes in the area, some to children and usually every month she gives back to the community by offering a workshop at the Emerson Center. It's usually a stamping~class where greeting cards, gift boxes, picture frames, etc are made. I say all that to get to the point that she has all the materials to help me emboss the invitations and do some basic filigree work on the corners.
So Friday, I went over to her place so that we could do up ten invitations and I could make sure to give Jerry's daughter {and her husband} one before they left for the coast. Actually the majority of our invites will be hand~delivered, with the minority actually making the mail~system. Altho, all the reply~cards are postage~paid to ease the responsibility of the guests, and that in turn will help us figure out who is coming and what we need to provide, food~wise.
This evening, my Jerry and I put together the rest of the invitations that Adria and I had embossed Friday. I wanted to make sure that all the invites for the folks he works with were done at the same time, so they'd be delivered at the same time. That way, no one person could work themselves into a righteous lather over "how come she gets hers and you don't have mine? huh, Huh, HUH! How come, answer me that". So now I have a much better handle on who has what and how the rest of it will go.
Adria and I will get together with a few other friends at her place later this week so that we can get the rest of the invites ready to send off {or deliver}. In a way, that makes all this stuff even more real than it was already. In a good way, but still kinda overwhelming at times, cuz dude, that's allotta details!
A few months back, well, ok, more than a few...more like six months ago, I designed our wedding invitations. I did a few entries and showed some mock~ups here in this journal. I was careful not to use specific names and contact information, but other than that, I think they were fairly complete.
Adria also teaches some classes in the area, some to children and usually every month she gives back to the community by offering a workshop at the Emerson Center. It's usually a stamping~class where greeting cards, gift boxes, picture frames, etc are made. I say all that to get to the point that she has all the materials to help me emboss the invitations and do some basic filigree work on the corners.
So Friday, I went over to her place so that we could do up ten invitations and I could make sure to give Jerry's daughter {and her husband} one before they left for the coast. Actually the majority of our invites will be hand~delivered, with the minority actually making the mail~system. Altho, all the reply~cards are postage~paid to ease the responsibility of the guests, and that in turn will help us figure out who is coming and what we need to provide, food~wise.
This evening, my Jerry and I put together the rest of the invitations that Adria and I had embossed Friday. I wanted to make sure that all the invites for the folks he works with were done at the same time, so they'd be delivered at the same time. That way, no one person could work themselves into a righteous lather over "how come she gets hers and you don't have mine? huh, Huh, HUH! How come, answer me that". So now I have a much better handle on who has what and how the rest of it will go.
Adria and I will get together with a few other friends at her place later this week so that we can get the rest of the invites ready to send off {or deliver}. In a way, that makes all this stuff even more real than it was already. In a good way, but still kinda overwhelming at times, cuz dude, that's allotta details!
22 August 2009
it's the final countdown...
ten weeks
in ten weeks, my jerry and i will wed. i'll be married. i've spent my entire life, almost 39 years, unwed. and my name will change.
in some ways, we've made lots of adjustments already, so it won't be a complete change for me. in other ways, marriage will change everything.
i'm not viewing this countdown as a loss of something; rather it is a huge gain of many somethings. yet in many ways, we've already gained so much, that the actual wedding seems like a formality.
on the same hand, different digit, the ceremony is a rite of passage. it's a recognition of changing from one state to another. and in that passage, there are the sorts of things the two of us pledge to the other.
we've written our own vows. more meaningful for us. we will surround ourselves with the significant people in our lives, both as individuals and as a couple. our friends, our families, our loved ones, will be there to help us celebrate our wedding, and the true union of our selves.
i've designed the invitations months ago, printed them out last week, and will emboss and finalize them, as well as distribute them this week. many will be hand~delivered, and some will be mailed. all will have return postage on the reply cards so that we are more likely to receive the replies within the month of september. so that, come october, that will be one less thing to worry about and hopefully those replies will give us a better idea of how to move forward with the plans for the reception. my landlady rocks and is doing such a great job and so many folks are helping in such great ways already that it makes it all a breeze!
thanks to ya guys!
in ten weeks, my jerry and i will wed. i'll be married. i've spent my entire life, almost 39 years, unwed. and my name will change.
in some ways, we've made lots of adjustments already, so it won't be a complete change for me. in other ways, marriage will change everything.
i'm not viewing this countdown as a loss of something; rather it is a huge gain of many somethings. yet in many ways, we've already gained so much, that the actual wedding seems like a formality.
on the same hand, different digit, the ceremony is a rite of passage. it's a recognition of changing from one state to another. and in that passage, there are the sorts of things the two of us pledge to the other.
we've written our own vows. more meaningful for us. we will surround ourselves with the significant people in our lives, both as individuals and as a couple. our friends, our families, our loved ones, will be there to help us celebrate our wedding, and the true union of our selves.
i've designed the invitations months ago, printed them out last week, and will emboss and finalize them, as well as distribute them this week. many will be hand~delivered, and some will be mailed. all will have return postage on the reply cards so that we are more likely to receive the replies within the month of september. so that, come october, that will be one less thing to worry about and hopefully those replies will give us a better idea of how to move forward with the plans for the reception. my landlady rocks and is doing such a great job and so many folks are helping in such great ways already that it makes it all a breeze!
thanks to ya guys!
cuz we all do it {at least, we all *should*}
about fifteen years ago, i worked at a bookstore. it was one of the best jobs i evah had. the pay sucked {ten cents above minimum, which at that time was about four and a quarter, i think}. but the actual daily tasks were exactly what i needed at that time. and my co~workers were all smashingly fun, we all got along swimmingly well on the work~front.
there were two full~timers {the manager and the assistant manager} and five part~timers. we didn't hire holiday help, just beefed up our own schedules cuz it would have taken more in resources to train help and not worth the trouble, especially given the limited time~frame we'd need an extra person or two. all of us did all the jobs. we all took turns, rotating thru tasks like displays, best~sellers, pricing, inventory, garbage disposal, returns, magazines, vacuuming, etc. that meant that at any given time, you might find the manager dusting shelves while the part~time person ordered new titles. there was no dress~code other than common sense, no uniform, and we abhorred name~tags. we were the smallest of nine stores in our chain, and the only one located in the rural area {buckhorn, pennsylvania is even smaller than catawissa...and frankly, do you know where catawissa is? no, i didn't think so.}; however, our store {friar tuck, how cool of a name is that for a bookstore} had the most customer orders, the highest gross sales, the lowest shrinkage, the lowest turn~over, and the highest net profit. we rocked!
amongst all of us, we were able to cover the entire store's holdings as specialties. the manager loved romance, the assistant manager loved collectibles and children's titles, i liked true~crime/sociology/religions/etc., diana loved sci~fi/fantasy, and so on. however, i liked certain children books, like the mercer meyer titles and my favorite lil kid's book was {well, ok, is} "everybody poops". in fact, i was so thrilled about it that i went home and shared it with my folks and all my {and their} friends. yeah, cuz i'm that much fun.
so earlier, when my mom and i were on the phone, i ended our call somewhat abruptly with "i gotta go poop now" and my mom just took that right in stride. ah, how well she knows me. then i eMailed her the following: hey there, i've been having all sorts of colon/poop'ing issues. so when i think i may go, then i rush happily to the potty and then sit there, disappointed once again to not poop properly. sigh. yeah, cuz i'm that much fun. it was great to talk with you earlier and i hope that you enjoy the rest of the weekend. i'm gonna go get some fiber now. so i can poop. cuz everyone poops. at least, that's what i've heard. i wanna too. love ya, debra
and my mom replied with: by all means...fiber up...it's good to poop
yeah, we have a special relationship. and she calls it like she sees 'em. in fact, she often says, 'dear daughter debra, you sure are fulla shit' and i'm all like 'are my eyes turning brown?' and she's all like 'yeah, well, to know ya is to love ya'. yeah, she knows my shit. and i share my shit with all y'all, ain't i nice that way?
{snickers, i wrote an entire entry on scatology}
sometimes, i can be soOOoooo juvenile.
21 August 2009
"if music be the food of love, play on"
willy the shake, he da man!
this week, jert's middle daughter and her husband were with us. they are relocating to portland, so we won't be seeing them for awhile. she's flying back for the wedding, but that won't really mean we get to spend time with her because there will be so much going on. so we made sure that we were able to appreciate their presence as much as possible this week.
among the stellar qualities, they are very giving and cool folk. she downloaded my entire music list for the wedding for me and then made me copies in various formats cuz i'm a tech~ijit and we always need back~ups. always.
so now, i've got two cds in the car of wedding music and i've got the entire list loaded onto my 'puter too. and yep, you got it, we're listening to it right now. beatles's are telling me about "when i'm 64" at the moment. and yep, jert, i'll still feed you.
20 August 2009
18 August 2009
17 August 2009
...oh, oh~oh, ooohhhh...video killed the radio star...
i've been listening to "'80s on 8", a satellite music channel on direct tv. my jerry loves to listen to it when we are putzing around the house and not watching tv. brings whole new dimension to the phrase "i saw it on the radio".
we both sing along often, and i am amazed at how many songs i really Really REALLY like. i mean, yeah there are some sucky songs from that time period, but i honestly can't think of any right now. of course, i can usually not bring to mind other songs while i am experiencing another. and right this minute, def leppard is begging me to pour some sugar. so i gotta go!
*winks*
15 August 2009
performance art
well, tonight, we all sat around the bon~fire that jert piled up with brush and trimmings. it's a family tradition, that when the kids all get together, they light up the bon~fire and sit and visit. in the morning, his youngest son must return to the coast {coast guard, doncha know, uhm...yeah, so coast bound he is!} and the sturgis south weekend is drawing to a close. ideal time to burn the brush and also to set up the telescope and puzzle the constellations and see the sites.
jert sang out the song below for the "kids" {they're all adults, so it wasn't like there were chaste ears present}. the lyrics are compliments of bob saget {thet ain't ri'ight, hit jest aint}.
Old English Folk Song Lyrics
There was an old farmer, who sat on a rock
Stroking his whiskers and shaking his
Fist at his neighbors, who sat on their wricks
Teaching their children, to play with their
Kite strings and marbles in the old days of yore
Along came a lady who looked like
A decent young lady and walked like a duck
Said she discovered, a new way to
Bring up the children to sew and to knit
The boys in the stables where shoveling up
Contents of stables left after the hunt
The car man was feeling a nice piece of
Straw from the stables, cleaning the walls
In came the dairy maid to play with his
Dog in the dairy where she did belong
If you think this is dirty well your fucking well wrong.
jert sang out the song below for the "kids" {they're all adults, so it wasn't like there were chaste ears present}. the lyrics are compliments of bob saget {thet ain't ri'ight, hit jest aint}.
Old English Folk Song Lyrics
There was an old farmer, who sat on a rock
Stroking his whiskers and shaking his
Fist at his neighbors, who sat on their wricks
Teaching their children, to play with their
Kite strings and marbles in the old days of yore
Along came a lady who looked like
A decent young lady and walked like a duck
Said she discovered, a new way to
Bring up the children to sew and to knit
The boys in the stables where shoveling up
Contents of stables left after the hunt
The car man was feeling a nice piece of
Straw from the stables, cleaning the walls
In came the dairy maid to play with his
Dog in the dairy where she did belong
If you think this is dirty well your fucking well wrong.
14 August 2009
getcher ride on
Well, this afternoon, my Jerry and I toodled up to Sturgis, just up the road from his place. It's the first time I'd been there {always meant to go, just never did}. He told me that the attendance seemed lower this year. But it was still a nice crowd.There were lots of bikes to look at. And lots of food vendors and lots of t~shirt and accessory vendors and some other stuff like jewelry and wallets and belts and things. There was an electronic bull, and some gravity defying rig~ups there. There also was a helicopter flitting around with folks in it.
after awhile, we realized that the heat was getting to me more than we had thought it would. all the sunblock on my face mixed with my sweat and started stinging not just my eyes but my cheeks too. which was weird, cuz who'da thunk sunblock would not be good for you?!?! i mean i can understand it not being healthy for your eyes, but your CHEEKS? hmmmmmmm?
we decided to come back to his place and then maybe go back to sturgis this evening, when his sons and his daugther are here. both his sons have bikes and so that'd be nice to head up there together. like a lil wolf pack. {giggles}
so i changed outta the sweat~drenched shirt, and took off my boots and socks to cool off. and washed my face, a few times. he kicked down the air, and started to throw together his soup {it's awesome, i like his soup better'n my own mother's and she is a good cook}. we flipped on the music and are just chilling for a bit before everyone pulls up.
oh! and he bought me the hematite heart necklace seen above. and i just had to include this pic of jert and his youngest's youngest. so sweeeeeeeeeet. i love you, my jerry!!
13 August 2009
...company, always on my mind...
yesterday, i started to chunk some cantaloupe and then added some blueberries, and sliced some strawberries, oh! and green grapes, and then bananas and watermelon. jert came into the kitchen and saw a huge bowl mounded with fruit and offered to help so he sliced up the watermelon into smaller pieces, making it more manageable. then he tossed it, put plastic over it, and we made room in the fridge for it. and the rest of the cantaloupe that he did up cuz there was not any room in the biggest bowl in the house that we own.
then i hauled out all the veggies, and we diced and sliced and chunked and peeled and all that other lovely jazz. in that bowl went cucumbers, green bell peppers, tomatoes, carrots, sugar peas, purple onion, chipolte in adobo sauce, some horseradish, some garlic, and some italian dressing. there was no room for the radishes, so they just went into a smaller bowl with some water. jert sampled some of the veggie mix, saying that it was good, a bit hot and spicy, but very good.
we've got chicken leg quarters to grill. and all the makings for potato salad. and plenty of eggs to hardboil and shell for the jalapeno juice jar. we both love hot things, so we buy the BIG cafeteria sized jars of jalapeno slices. when the peppers are gone, then we use the juice to pickle the hardboiled eggs. sooooOOOOoooo good, it'll make your mouth water. 'course then too that'd be cuz it's so hhhhottt.
all five of jert's kids and families will be here this weekend. his mother will make it over for the cookout tomorrow and it'll be cool to see everyone again. this weekend is the sturgis south bike rally, so we'll be heading up that way too!
hope everyone is enjoying their weekends, grins!
then i hauled out all the veggies, and we diced and sliced and chunked and peeled and all that other lovely jazz. in that bowl went cucumbers, green bell peppers, tomatoes, carrots, sugar peas, purple onion, chipolte in adobo sauce, some horseradish, some garlic, and some italian dressing. there was no room for the radishes, so they just went into a smaller bowl with some water. jert sampled some of the veggie mix, saying that it was good, a bit hot and spicy, but very good.
we've got chicken leg quarters to grill. and all the makings for potato salad. and plenty of eggs to hardboil and shell for the jalapeno juice jar. we both love hot things, so we buy the BIG cafeteria sized jars of jalapeno slices. when the peppers are gone, then we use the juice to pickle the hardboiled eggs. sooooOOOOoooo good, it'll make your mouth water. 'course then too that'd be cuz it's so hhhhottt.
all five of jert's kids and families will be here this weekend. his mother will make it over for the cookout tomorrow and it'll be cool to see everyone again. this weekend is the sturgis south bike rally, so we'll be heading up that way too!
hope everyone is enjoying their weekends, grins!
12 August 2009
happeeeee birthdayayayayay to youUUuuuu
miss pearly's birthday is today!
she's so sweet and cuddly, awwww.
happy birthday, lil pearl, happy birthday!
11 August 2009
how i know...
before i realized how dark it was getting, during the noon hour; before i heard the low rumbling thunder; before i knew that it was raining~~i knew that the storm was upon us. i knew this because the lil furrbees are afraid, very afraid, and are wrapped around my ankles, chewing on my toes, and trembling with terror. lil doggies seem to be more affected by the barometric pressure changes, not liking it at all.harley is a chihuahua mixed with whippet, so he has the long lean body with proportionate legs and a slender tail {tho it is not curved and curled like a full~blooded whippet}, yet he is small in stature, more like a chihuahua. this means that he is a whipcha {or maybe a chippet}. he has an elongated snout, whippet genes shining thru! but his hair is very sparse and thin, so it looks like he is constantly afflicted with the mange {he isn't tho}. this means that he often gets colder faster than the other living beings in his vicinity.
pearl is also a chihuahua mix. she has some feist in her {rat~terrier}. so she would be a ratcha {or maybe a chitter}. she has a smaller body, but more bulky than harley's. her head is rounded, with a very small nose, like a chihuahua. she has very short napped white hair coating her pink and black spotted body, and sheds like crazy {especially when she is nervous}. she loves to jump into your arms and then nestle her head under your chin, up into the nook of your neck. she gets a lil too enthusiastic with her tongue, tho her breath is oh so much better than harley's!they are both smaller dogs, not tiny, but small. and when it storms, they both cuddle close. if they can't get up in your lap, then they'll settle for cramming their trembling bodies up under your feet and making themselves as small as possible. and if contact is not an option, pearl likes to tuck herself behind the toilet. usually tho, the bathrooms' doors are closed, so then pearl climbs up on a shelf, wiggling back into the corner, and peeks out from time to time to see if your lap is available yet.
harley shakes and shivers and trembles and pants and rolls his eyes up toward you in the most endearing fashion. he will follow you room to room, never letting you out of his sight. and when you sit down, he stretches up against your knee, imploring you to "pleeeeeeeeeeeeeazzzze" let him curl up on your lap. he'd even skooch over for pearl.
watching the two of them care for each other is very touching. they will "kiss" each other, mouths open and angled, as tho their teeth will mesh just so. eventually they give up on that, and settle down to lick each other's ears and sometimes it even progresses to such grooming of the other that it resembles puppy~porn. that's true love, right there, doncha know.
tripping up the tongue
jert and i wrote our own vows, he has his mostly memorized and i am working on mine. we wrote different ones, because we both want to express similar sentiments, but we both have different ways of doing so. we both are at different stages in our lives, and so what each of us brings into our relationship is slightly different.
he will sometimes deliver his vows to me, usually in the evenings, or when we are getting ready for bed. i with a mouthful of foaming toothpaste, and he with a headful of shaving lather; and we both stand before our respective sinks, gazing at each other in the mirrors. he tells me his thoughts and i cannot help but grin my sillee self, toothpaste dripping off my chin and all!
i, on the the otherhand, tell him {and others} that i'm gonna memorize my vows and then get up there, facing him, and all i will remember to sob is, "i love you, man". he assures me that's fine. but i'd rather express to him the lines i've written that capture our relationship just perfectly.
so i have a copy of my vows to him in the car, on my computer, and printed out and stuck in other places too. i think it'd be cool for us to actually have them on scrolls, then literally exchange them during the ceremony; reading them aloud and then handing the written vows to each other. of course that'd also easy my mind about my tongue falling outta my head and flopping off the pier into the Oktibbeha County Lake, never to be found again.
i'm just saying.
he will sometimes deliver his vows to me, usually in the evenings, or when we are getting ready for bed. i with a mouthful of foaming toothpaste, and he with a headful of shaving lather; and we both stand before our respective sinks, gazing at each other in the mirrors. he tells me his thoughts and i cannot help but grin my sillee self, toothpaste dripping off my chin and all!
i, on the the otherhand, tell him {and others} that i'm gonna memorize my vows and then get up there, facing him, and all i will remember to sob is, "i love you, man". he assures me that's fine. but i'd rather express to him the lines i've written that capture our relationship just perfectly.
so i have a copy of my vows to him in the car, on my computer, and printed out and stuck in other places too. i think it'd be cool for us to actually have them on scrolls, then literally exchange them during the ceremony; reading them aloud and then handing the written vows to each other. of course that'd also easy my mind about my tongue falling outta my head and flopping off the pier into the Oktibbeha County Lake, never to be found again.
i'm just saying.
10 August 2009
hapPEEEEE birthDAY to youuUUUuuuu
this is a close up cropped shot of my sweet shaddow lane, whose birthday is 11 August 2001. she was about one in this cute pic. she's got a substantial amount of white around her muzzle now, and a starburst pattern blooming from her eyes outward. she's still my sweet lil girl, and such a purty one at that!
she's stuck with me thru all sorts of times, good, bad, healthy, not so, strong, shakey, etc. and been the one constant that loves me regardless and comforts me continually. she's my first dog, my first furrbee evah. happy birthday, my shaddow lane.
09 August 2009
twelve weeks and counting down
yeah, so i need to get my ass in gear and work on the invites cuz, dude, our wedding is in less than 12 weeks. most everyone that we want to know about it, knows about it. but the invites would be nice for folks to receive and the replies will be good to help my landlady better able to plan the reception since she is hostessing it for us. if we get the invites out this month, and most all the replies come in during sept, then we will be in a much better place come the beginning of october, as far as having a more accurate idea of what folks will be bringing and what we need to provide. oh, and who all will be there for certain. i think we have a pretty good idea of all that, but it'd be good to be a little more specific, doncha know.
that means that sometime in the next couple days i need to comb thru the lists we have made and figure out addresses and such. quite a few of the invites, we can hand~deliver, but i'll probably spring for the return postage on the reply cards; even for those folks in the area, it'd just be good for organization's sake. that, and lisa my landlady doesn't know who all the folks are, where they might be coming in from, who would need help with accommodations and directions and all that other good stuff.
my freekee friend ferah and her man are coming in late the night before~~she works a very odd schedule and won't be off til rather late on friday evening and it'd be better if they were already here rather than me trying to talk them thru the directions the morning of. they will need to go back to b'ham for their own special event that evening, but i think that since it's about a two and a half hour drive, they should be fine. they themselves are wedding in the spring and so jert and i will be attending/participating for their special days.
my mom and brother didn't make it over here this summer, as this is their busiest time of their season. so we are shooting for mid~sept for us to complete the rest of the rooms and lay the floors too. that will be sorta tight, but it's do~able. perhaps with all of us working together, i can get my entire trailor's contents moved over after there is the space prepared for it all.
it looks like there may be a couple~few folks planning to set up their RVs at the county lake for the wedding weekend. that'll be a huge help in oh so many ways. it'll free up some room here at jert's place for folks to stay. and it'll be good to have a few places on hand to change into our wedding wear on site rather than running all over the place after we do the decorations and get everything set up.
it's all setting in a bit more now. and i think it will really set in moreso when i start to put together the invites and get them ready to send out. they need to be printed, embossed, and all that. last week, i bought more color ink cartridges so that i won't run out of browns/greens in the midst of printing and preparing them. that'd be a bummer, fer shur.
this week, jert's kids are all coming in, and it'll be great to see everyone! this will be the first time we're all together since the new year. and it'll be the last time we get to spend time with one of jert's daughters and her family for quite awhile. she's moving across the country, and altho she will fly back for the wedding, it won't be the same, as there will be so much going on that i'm not sure how much time we'll have to really visit. and her husband won't be with her then; all that travel gets to be expensive, ya know.
it'll all work out, i just need to not worry about all the details so much.
that means that sometime in the next couple days i need to comb thru the lists we have made and figure out addresses and such. quite a few of the invites, we can hand~deliver, but i'll probably spring for the return postage on the reply cards; even for those folks in the area, it'd just be good for organization's sake. that, and lisa my landlady doesn't know who all the folks are, where they might be coming in from, who would need help with accommodations and directions and all that other good stuff.
my freekee friend ferah and her man are coming in late the night before~~she works a very odd schedule and won't be off til rather late on friday evening and it'd be better if they were already here rather than me trying to talk them thru the directions the morning of. they will need to go back to b'ham for their own special event that evening, but i think that since it's about a two and a half hour drive, they should be fine. they themselves are wedding in the spring and so jert and i will be attending/participating for their special days.
my mom and brother didn't make it over here this summer, as this is their busiest time of their season. so we are shooting for mid~sept for us to complete the rest of the rooms and lay the floors too. that will be sorta tight, but it's do~able. perhaps with all of us working together, i can get my entire trailor's contents moved over after there is the space prepared for it all.
it looks like there may be a couple~few folks planning to set up their RVs at the county lake for the wedding weekend. that'll be a huge help in oh so many ways. it'll free up some room here at jert's place for folks to stay. and it'll be good to have a few places on hand to change into our wedding wear on site rather than running all over the place after we do the decorations and get everything set up.
it's all setting in a bit more now. and i think it will really set in moreso when i start to put together the invites and get them ready to send out. they need to be printed, embossed, and all that. last week, i bought more color ink cartridges so that i won't run out of browns/greens in the midst of printing and preparing them. that'd be a bummer, fer shur.
this week, jert's kids are all coming in, and it'll be great to see everyone! this will be the first time we're all together since the new year. and it'll be the last time we get to spend time with one of jert's daughters and her family for quite awhile. she's moving across the country, and altho she will fly back for the wedding, it won't be the same, as there will be so much going on that i'm not sure how much time we'll have to really visit. and her husband won't be with her then; all that travel gets to be expensive, ya know.
it'll all work out, i just need to not worry about all the details so much.
07 August 2009
home! home again!
well, the drive back to Miss'ippi from B'ham was very good. i pulled into the drive to barking dogs, sooooooooooOOoooo happy to see me as only dogs can give such an enthusiastic welcome; tho jert certainly scored high on the "oh you're home! oh i missed you so!" and we both ended up grinning and giggling and smooching and all that disgustingly gushy love mushing stuff. oh yea!!
sure there were some stuffs we needed to discuss, so we didn't turn off the ringers on the phones, and only pay attention to each other. jert had grilled some great steaks, and baked some potatoes, and poured some outstanding wine. i'd chunked up some fresh tomatoes, cucumbers, and green bell peppers from a produce mart just down the road from us. i think sometimes they do pull in some of their stuff from further afield, but i think most of it is locally homegrown. but those veggies tossed in with some italian dressing just exploded with intense flavors. vine~ripened? or madly in love? BOTH!
we spent some time reviewing our wedding plans, preparations, purchases, inventory, et al. and it's getting closer, Closer, CLOSER! a few things are happening before that. most notably this next week, we have some family coming in for a few days {or longer} so all jert's kids will be here for this next weekend. that'll be fun! i think jert's been adding to the burn pile for the bon~fire and i tidied up the one completed guest room so that his middle daughter and her family will have a place to stay. his youngest son and some buddies from the strike team are riding up for the weekend, too!
next weekend, when all will be here, it's the sturgis south bike rally. sturgis is about twelve miles from here. i always intend to go, and never do. so this year, i might actually make it!
since my mom and brother have not been able to make it this way yet this summer, and it is their busiest time of the year...i think we've planned for them to come in mid~september and they may be able to help us finish the house so that come october when folks start to head in for the wedding, we have all the guest rooms ready for them!
well, my book is calling me. i'm gonna go watch my man sleep for awhile. how sweet is that? {quitchersugarschockin}
sure there were some stuffs we needed to discuss, so we didn't turn off the ringers on the phones, and only pay attention to each other. jert had grilled some great steaks, and baked some potatoes, and poured some outstanding wine. i'd chunked up some fresh tomatoes, cucumbers, and green bell peppers from a produce mart just down the road from us. i think sometimes they do pull in some of their stuff from further afield, but i think most of it is locally homegrown. but those veggies tossed in with some italian dressing just exploded with intense flavors. vine~ripened? or madly in love? BOTH!
we spent some time reviewing our wedding plans, preparations, purchases, inventory, et al. and it's getting closer, Closer, CLOSER! a few things are happening before that. most notably this next week, we have some family coming in for a few days {or longer} so all jert's kids will be here for this next weekend. that'll be fun! i think jert's been adding to the burn pile for the bon~fire and i tidied up the one completed guest room so that his middle daughter and her family will have a place to stay. his youngest son and some buddies from the strike team are riding up for the weekend, too!
next weekend, when all will be here, it's the sturgis south bike rally. sturgis is about twelve miles from here. i always intend to go, and never do. so this year, i might actually make it!
since my mom and brother have not been able to make it this way yet this summer, and it is their busiest time of the year...i think we've planned for them to come in mid~september and they may be able to help us finish the house so that come october when folks start to head in for the wedding, we have all the guest rooms ready for them!
well, my book is calling me. i'm gonna go watch my man sleep for awhile. how sweet is that? {quitchersugarschockin}
06 August 2009
greetings from b'ham, alaBAMa
tuesday i zipped over to b'ham, in my lil dew~drop and POOF! here i am. i really enjoyed the drive, and am glad to see my friend and see some of the folks i'd met earlier in the year when i went to the festival. the neighborhood that my friend lives in is wonderfully suited to her and her man and it just has so much positive encouraging aspects that it's only natural to love Love LOVE it.
when i got in, we chatted and caught up some, then zipped and zoomed around. i got the grand tour and saw some familiar {i lived here ten years ago} and some completely new {it's been TEN years, ten ~ how is that even possible?!?} stores, shops, buildings, and all. then we got some glorious cheesee pizza that made all moan, groan, and roll our eyes. it was sorta like a slumber party.
i started {and finished} a hat, and some of the other folks expressed some curiosity. so my friend sat down and showed one woman how to do an elementary crochet stitch that generally is the base to all others: the chain. the hat that i finished, i gave to her. it was three strands of various shades of green, so it was a soft, full warm stitch that had some form to it, but not too stiff.
i finally pooped out on them, begging off so i could sleep. yesterday, we toodled around the house for awhile. and then we drove to hancock fabrics, and i got some more yarn {cuz i want to finish some hats to leave here for some folks}. later in the evening, i took my hostess with the mostest and her fiance to an indian restaurant where we enjoyed the buffet while there were three lovely ladies who belly~danced for about half an hour. they were very friendly and posed for pix and such for some of the customers. it turns out that my host/ess and the ladies knew each other as well as some of the other folks there. so that was very nice too!
even tho we all were stuffed, we stopped by the bookstore and grabbed some coffee while browsing. i found some things that were kinda cool, but just made a note of them. i did buy a lil note book with accordian pockets for half price. jert and i usually shop with lists, and that'd be perfect for coupons and such. so yea!!
when we got back, we spent the evening looking up the books that we'd seen at books~a~million. and read thru some other books on the shelves. then we got talking about what we were reading, which is the best sorta visit to have!
the only draw backs are two: one is that this is the first time in a very long time that jert and i are not together every day. the other is that my neck has been sore the entire time i've been here so each evening, i've been stretching it and using a hot pad to try to work some of the soreness out.
earlier today, ferah's lil sister and one of her nieces dropped by. i was staring at this soon to be seven year old lil girl who had attended orientation for school this morning, thinking, "she is soooOOOoooo big". i was remembering her as a child of four. and even younger as a toddler, and even younger than that, as a babe in arms. sigh.
this evening, a group of young women are coming over for their monthly meeting and some food, friends, and fabulousness. tomorrow, i head back to mississippi. where jert is waiting with a special evening just for us and some quiet time. so, yea!! glad to have been here, but glad to go home too!
when i got in, we chatted and caught up some, then zipped and zoomed around. i got the grand tour and saw some familiar {i lived here ten years ago} and some completely new {it's been TEN years, ten ~ how is that even possible?!?} stores, shops, buildings, and all. then we got some glorious cheesee pizza that made all moan, groan, and roll our eyes. it was sorta like a slumber party.
i started {and finished} a hat, and some of the other folks expressed some curiosity. so my friend sat down and showed one woman how to do an elementary crochet stitch that generally is the base to all others: the chain. the hat that i finished, i gave to her. it was three strands of various shades of green, so it was a soft, full warm stitch that had some form to it, but not too stiff.
i finally pooped out on them, begging off so i could sleep. yesterday, we toodled around the house for awhile. and then we drove to hancock fabrics, and i got some more yarn {cuz i want to finish some hats to leave here for some folks}. later in the evening, i took my hostess with the mostest and her fiance to an indian restaurant where we enjoyed the buffet while there were three lovely ladies who belly~danced for about half an hour. they were very friendly and posed for pix and such for some of the customers. it turns out that my host/ess and the ladies knew each other as well as some of the other folks there. so that was very nice too!
even tho we all were stuffed, we stopped by the bookstore and grabbed some coffee while browsing. i found some things that were kinda cool, but just made a note of them. i did buy a lil note book with accordian pockets for half price. jert and i usually shop with lists, and that'd be perfect for coupons and such. so yea!!
when we got back, we spent the evening looking up the books that we'd seen at books~a~million. and read thru some other books on the shelves. then we got talking about what we were reading, which is the best sorta visit to have!
the only draw backs are two: one is that this is the first time in a very long time that jert and i are not together every day. the other is that my neck has been sore the entire time i've been here so each evening, i've been stretching it and using a hot pad to try to work some of the soreness out.
earlier today, ferah's lil sister and one of her nieces dropped by. i was staring at this soon to be seven year old lil girl who had attended orientation for school this morning, thinking, "she is soooOOOoooo big". i was remembering her as a child of four. and even younger as a toddler, and even younger than that, as a babe in arms. sigh.
this evening, a group of young women are coming over for their monthly meeting and some food, friends, and fabulousness. tomorrow, i head back to mississippi. where jert is waiting with a special evening just for us and some quiet time. so, yea!! glad to have been here, but glad to go home too!
03 August 2009
my friend, freakee fabulicious ferah
after a few errands in the morning, i'm gonna drive to b'ham to spend a few days with my fab friend ferah, she's soooOOOooo freakee deekee and that's one of the many reasons i love her so!
she and her man are looking at wedding rings and all sorta other good stuffs cuz they are planning a may wedding 2010. so these next few days won't only be catch up and visit time for us, and a chance for me to get to know her man {grant~~he's so squeezable}, but we get to do all the girly~girl things that i could only evah even think about doing with ferah only. cuz she's my fah~rend.
love ya lady!
the hardest part is that i'm gonna be without my man for days and that's not been the case since...gee, since before we met in december. sigh. he's so sweet ta me and so very supportive, go honey go do this. okey dokey then!
the bestest part? ferah!! the fiendishly fabulicious freak!
she and her man are looking at wedding rings and all sorta other good stuffs cuz they are planning a may wedding 2010. so these next few days won't only be catch up and visit time for us, and a chance for me to get to know her man {grant~~he's so squeezable}, but we get to do all the girly~girl things that i could only evah even think about doing with ferah only. cuz she's my fah~rend.
love ya lady!
the hardest part is that i'm gonna be without my man for days and that's not been the case since...gee, since before we met in december. sigh. he's so sweet ta me and so very supportive, go honey go do this. okey dokey then!
the bestest part? ferah!! the fiendishly fabulicious freak!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)