gracious gratitude

Below is a modified version of a letter that I sent via eMail to a long-time friend.  We've known each other over 25 yrs.  She and I haven't seen each other in years, but we do write each other and keep up with each other's lives.

There are things that this post covers that I thought might be appropriate for journals.

It doesn't matter about how long it takes for anyone to reply or send stuff to me, cuz life gets busy, it's like that.  Being with my guy has taught me some patience, because i know how busy school is first hand, but i also see what he is going thru.  i see how my friend handled pregnancy, birth, newborn, breast-feeding, older children, etc. etc. etc.  i know first hand how unpredictable i can be, and how others are dealing with health issues and such.  so i have learned a whole other appreciation for the variety in how folks respond and cope with life in general, cuz i understand that it isn't always a level-playing field, or a great hand, or whatever allegory you wanna use.  so i don't mind lots that i used to, cuz i appreciate folks efforts in a different way than i used to.

i wouldn't trade what i have for something else, cuz everything comes with complications and it's not something that i do much anymore.  sometimes when it seems to me that i am whining or complaining, i know that maybe i just need to vent, and other times i am overly sensitive and am monitoring myself so much so that i think i am driving others crazy when i am not bothering them at all.  i can handle most of whatever comes my way, cuz there are always options to weigh.  like the unrelenting heat we've been having, i know that my trailer gets too dangerously hot and stuff to be in at times, so i know that i can go hang out at the library, or lj's (where they understand that i don't always have money, so they let me get water on the days i can't afford $2.00 for tea and a free refill), and there are always other things for me to do.  If i absolutely have no gas in the car, there maybe some in my lawnmower's gas can.  if i forget to let my guy know i am low on money (cuz he almost always gives me something on the weekend for that week, even if it is only five bucks), i know that there is nothing i need so urgently that i will not make it thru.

since it is me, and my furrbees, but no children and no other dependents, i don't mind somuch.  i have clothes, some of them don't fit very well (but there are always enough) and again there are options like the thrift store, dollar store, walmart sales, clothing giveaways, and truth be told, i don't need all that much.  i have enough and i take care of what i have.  i have enough food.  i am always stocked on beans, rice, and pasta, so if i do get low on something, i have back-up supply to get me thru the end of the month or what not.

my guy takes care of lots for me.  he's been there time and again for major expenses like when my car needs work, or when i need propane for heat.  and i conserve what i can, when i can.  so i'm pretty frugal i think.

every now and then, i do complain i think.  esp when i am very uncomfortable for longer periods of time.  it doesn't help me to think of how bad others have it, like the starving kids in africa, or the FEMA Folks outta Katrina's path, cuz my hurts are still hurts, regardless of others' hurts.  i know there are others worse off, and most of the time i do realize how fortunate i am.  but when i am feeling awful myself, i can't feel better by thinking of how much worse others have it, ya know?

i went off on a bit of a tangent, oophs!  sometimes i can't seem to grab the thought i wanted to get to!  well, i hope that you enjoy your holiday weekend!  lova, debra

thanks for reading guys, appreciate it.