02 May 2009

changes, turn and face the strange

as bowie said; how apropos.

i know at times, my writing tends to focus intently on one aspect of my life, current events, and the like; to the exclusion of other topics and other sorts of writing. i miss my witty lil stories and such, in part cuz so much of my day to day existence right now is more of the same {sorting, scrubbing, prepping, painting, etc} while there are huge differences in the actual environment. i've been enjoying my mother's presence as much as i can, and trying to eek out every single minute of every day cuz i don't know when i'll be seeing her again and also, when she goes, the momentum we've established for these last few weeks and which will continue for the next couple...well that momentum will evaporate the minute she is gone. in part cuz we'll be so damn exhausted and in part cuz she's the master painter and i will do everything but. i'm well aware that i am so not a passable painter let alone a good one, so i know enough not to even try cuz i'll end up getting frustrated and the job will be ugly and the paint will be wasted.

so tomorrow, we place the china cabinet and the other shelving unit into place and we can begin the task of washing and sorting and placing all the dishes, glasses, pots/pans, and other kitchen utensils into drawers, on shelves, etc. that will free up some other areas that i can then begin to clean in preparation for mom's wild-ass mad painting skilZ {cuz she gots them}. we all feel that there are some vast changes occuring and we all have different reactions, most extremely positive, and too we are all aware of just how much this is signifying major changes for jert and me both. i'm glad mom is here to help me transition and i'm also finding this visit with her to be liberating for me in major ways cuz i feel like i'm really coming into my own.

part of the whole individuation process is having your own feelings, thoughts, reactions, preferences, opinions, and the like. it's knowing that you are able to love that person, and be loyal and respectful; and still know that you can dislike certain aspects of them. i'm secure in the knowledge that my mother respects me, loves me, and is proud of me; enough so that even when we have vast differences, it's quite alright, cuz we are still able to be quite loving, while being our own persons.

thanks so very much, mom; you let me be me, encourage me to be my own person, and embrace me even when i choose paths wildly divergent from your own.

happy mother's day, a bit early.

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