ya putz de onyunz in de budder

Sometimes, I cook when I can't sleep.

I'm adjusting, slowly and almost painfully, to the reintroduction of the meds into my system and it's kinda touchy right now.  One minute, I'm wired and wide awake and fifteen minutes later, I'm exhausted and my eyelids have slammed shut.  Another not so fun loveliness is that my appetite will go from "omg starving ravenous dump the food in my gullet now forget the chewing stuff {that's for sissies}" hunger to "banish that smelly lumpy squiggly pasty stuff from my sight and let me fling the toilet lid up cuz i can only gag so much" aversion to anything that might faintly resemble a substance that i might willingly put into my body.  yeah, i'm that fun.

which means that more times than not right now, i cook something and then the minute it comes off the stove into my bowl, my stomach starts to twist itself tighter than a bread-tie and my throat slams shut, making my tongue swell like a smarting thumb caught in your car door.  this also squeezes the tears outta me and makes sweat pop outta my pores.

or maybe i'm pregnant.

nah, not a chance.  and i do mean that, not a chance.  lack of exposure will do that to a girl, ya know.  i figured since i'm covering a wide array of bodily functions, i oughtn't to leave procreation outta the picture.

so, i'm making progress, of sorts.  i chopped up some onions and dropped some butter in the pan.  sauteed those babies perfectly, just translucent as tissue paper.  added some shredded carrot, for the color and also because steamed carrots are very sweet without being overpowering.  it smelled great, it looked great...and then i added some dried tomatoes (muwah!) and tossed it all with a ton of angel hair pasta.  i say 'ton' cuz i can't seem to make a small amount of anything, and the sauce grew to a huge portion so i needed a ton of pasta to balance it out.  that's me, allllll about balance.  yeah.

and i snorkled an entire bowl with no rebellion.  now i just gotta work on my timing.  cuz i don't think i should be cooking and eating at 4:30 in the friggen morning.  especially not pasta.  with onions.  and butter.

at least i left the garlic in the fridge.  yeah, like that'd make all the difference between a very soothing dish and a snorkling pasta bowl.  snort.