warning: syrupy sweetness flows within

Dear Diary,

*sigh*

Well, on the positive front, My Jerry and I have been married for six months now and I could not have dreamt of a better place to me at this point in my life; he's so sweet ta me and I adore him. He treats me like a princess and I'm learning to like that, surprisingly. He's very supportive, and is so very understanding. He's better than any thing I'd ever thought I'd know.

Stop yer gagging; ya jest wisht ya had such sweetness.

On the not so positive front, in fact it's a swollen negative front, a hah~UUUU~jah convex front...I am now the fattest I've ever been. I'm not a fat and sassy kinda fat; I'm a tears of frustration with no one to blame but me fat. This point was blatantly illustrated today when I went thru my entire wardrobe searching for appropriate garb for attending the lovely vivacious Ferah's wedding tomorrow. I could not even struggle into my fattest fat~pants, my huge~ass was not going to be encased in any of my slacks and my rather large bulbous belly was not going to be encased in any dress or skirt that I own.

I take that back. There was ONE, one dress that fit. It's a dress I have not worn in years, since I was the fattest I was before this. I was 222 at that point, I think. Altho, for some reason, I am thinking that 235 was my heaviest. A year and a half ago when I first met My Jerry, I weighed about 180. Now I weight 230+. Yes, it is less heavy than 235, but I'm fatter now than I've ever been. Bigger. I think gaining over fifty pounds in one year is unspeakably shameful.

And yet I do continue to speak. Amazing, that.

So when I met My Jerry as he pulled up on his bike after work, clad in heavy denim with pretty embroidered flowers and vines on the egde of the hem and on the "lil" jacket that goes with the sleeveless tent; I think the sheer misery on my face, radiating from my pores like the sweat I broke just getting dressed~~well, I was all but bursting into tears. My Jerry whisked me off to WalMart and we scoured thru their racks.

I was amazed. I mean, I remember WalMart carrying business clothes and dress~casual women's wear. Not to be found. There was a small area with a selection of plus sized shorts and athletic wear. We did manage to find one rack, which meant it was one style top in four colors, that was suitable. The rest of the polyester/nylon was in ghastly prints that made my eyes hurt {literally, very chaotic busy prints do that to me, my eyes hurt, my brain swells, my stomach cramps}. And we had to turn to the MEN'S section to find a pair of dress~pants for me.

My Jerry was so amazing! He just guided me right along, pulled out a few items of clothing for me try on. Gave me a hug, to size me so that he could guestimate slack size {and he was spot~on!}. It was like having my own personal buyer.

After he pointed me into the fitting room, as I was standing there in pin~striped slacks that actually were pretty cool, while I was waiting for him to grab a different blouse off the rack {this one blue, to go with the pin~stripes}; the lady at the fitting desk asked if I was ok, as I was getting rather teary~eyed. I sniffled, and explained that this is the largest I've ever been and my dear sweet husband is so very loving and ... then I started blinking rapidly to stem the overflow before I ended up even more of a mess...she told me how very lucky I am. And I cried, "he's wonnerfullest, so very sweet ta me and I'm just a big ole whine~baby."

After we found new slacks, a flattering blouse, he took me over to the shoes and we found a nice pair of silver flats that will set off the light bright blue pin~stripes in the black pants. And I told him how very much he spoils me. And he loves me so, even in my miserably oversized current state of affairs.

And how sweet is that?

I love you, My Jerry.

Thank you for making me safe, secure, cherish, and loved beyond belief.