Joe gets up at 6am and fills his coffee pot with water to get his day started. The water is clean and good because some tree-hugging liberal fought for minimum water-quality standards While waiting for the coffee to brew, he takes his daily medications; which are safe because some stupid commie liberal fought to ensure their safety and that they work as advertised. All but $10 of his meds are paid for by his employer's medical plan because some liberal union workers fought their employers for paid medical insurance, so now Joe benefits from that too.
He prepares his breakfast of bacon and eggs. The bacon is safe to eat because some girly-man liberal fought for laws to regulate the meat packing industry. Oh those liberal bleeding hearts!
In the morning shower, Joe reaches for his shampoo. His bottle is now properly labeled with each ingredient and its amount in the total contents cuz some crybaby liberal fought for his right to know what he is putting on his body and how much it contains. Those dratted liberal bastards.
Joe dresses, walks outside, and takes a deep breath. The air he breathes is clean because some environmentalist wacko liberal fought for the laws to stop industries from polluting our air. Those interferring liberals.
He walks on the government-provided sidewalk to the subway station for his government-subsidized ride to work. It saves him considerable money in parking and transportation fees because some fancy-pants liberal fought for affordable public transportation, which gives everyone the opportunity to be a contributor.
Joe begins his work day. He has a good job with excellent pay, medical benefits, retirement, paid holidays, and vacation because some lazy liberal union members fought and died for these working standards. Joe's employer pays these standards because his employer doesn't want his employees to call the union. If Joe is hurt on the job or becomes unemployed, he'll get a worker compensation or unemployment check because some stupid liberal didn't think he should lose his home because of his temporary misfortune.
It is noontime and Joe needs to make a bank deposit so he can pay some bills. Joe's deposit is federally insured by the FSLIC because some godless liberal wanted to protect Joe's money from unscrupulous bankers who ruined the banking system before the Great Depression. Oh, the very nerve of those do-gooders!
Joe has to pay his Fannie-Mae underwritten mortgage and his below-market federal student loan because some elitist liberal decided that Joe and the government would be better off if he was educated and earned more money over his lifetime. Joe also forgets that in addition to his federally subsidized loans, he attended a state-funded university. Will the benefits just never end!?!
Joe is now home from work. He plans to visit his father this evening at his farm home in the country. He gets in his car for the drive. His car is among the safest in the world because some America-hating liberal fought for car safety standards to go along with the tax-payer funded roads.
He arrives at his boyhood home. His is the third generation to live in the house financed by Farmers' Home Administration because bankers did not want to make rural loans. The house didn't have electricity until some big-government liberal stuck his nose in where it didn't belong and demanded rural electrification.
Joe is happy to see his father, who is now retired. His father lives on Social Security and a union pension because some wine-drinking, cheese-eating liberal made sure he could take care of himself so that Joe wouldn't have to.
Joe gets back in his car for the ride home and turns on the radio talk show. The radio host keeps saying that liberals are bad and conservatives are good. He doesn't mention that the beloved Republicans have fought against every protection and benefit that Joe enjoys throughout his day. Joe agrees, "We don't need those big-government liberals ruining our lives! After all, I'm a self-made man who believes everyone should take care of themselves, just like I have."
Oh! That is SO CLASSIC!
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