cho's?!? we don do no steenken cho's!

John Scalzi, the aol-journal godfather, has asked us about chores in this week's weekend writing assignment.  Weekend Assignment #117: We all have to do chores around the house. Which chore do you like to do the least?   Extra Credit: Do you recycle?

I usually keep up with things, putting stuff away as I use it, dropping dirty clothes in the washer or hamper when I disrobe, replacing books when through, taking out the trash when I check the mail, washing dishes as I dirty them, ya get the idea.  Of course there are a few chores that call for attention for a long time before I get to them.

I do like mowing the yard, once I get into it.  It just takes lots out of me.  A combination of medication, genes that make me paler than most albinos, and Mississippi sun is a disaster in the making.  All sorts of precautions must be taken if I do not want to suffer ill-effects while puttering around the yard.

But that is NOT the chore I detest.

I have two dogs.  Both of whom are short-haired, indoor dogs who enjoy the fenced-in yard for the shade, potty areas, and room to run.  They shed horribly.  I brush them outside, and yet, the floor is covered with doggie hair in abundance.  I sweep, but it is the cleaning of the rugs that is awkward.  I dislike this chore.

The chore that I HATE the most though is bathing Shaddow.  See, Ziggee is lil and I can man-handle him through the bathing process.  But Shaddow is a big girl.  She is small for a lab, but BIG for a dog.  Labs have two coats, and water-resistance adds to the utter joy of washing her.

This is the general undertaking of this task:  first, lure her into the bathroom.  Lock the door.  Lift, tug, pull, push, force her into the tub.  I should mention that I have already stripped my self.  Jump in the tub with her, hang onto her to discourage her from exiting the tub, turn on the shower and ruffle her fur to get her saturated.  Usually she is somewhat resigned at this point.  Labs love water, for swimming.  Shaddow will escape the yard to joyously splash in the swampee catfish pond down yonder, but resist a bath like a stubborn grimy child.

After I lather, rinse, repeat, and clear the drain of matted dog hair several times, I open the curtain and let her out of the tub.  Whilst I shower myself, rinsing off the multitude of Shaddow hairs that have stuck themselves to me as though glued, Shaddow is busy spraying down the walls, washer/dryer, and floor in the guise of "shaking" herself.  After I climb out, I use every single towel I own (except one) to dry her as much as possible.  I unlock and open the bathroom door, whereupon she dashes down the hall to rug-surf for a bit.  I proceed to use all but one towel to swab the entire bathroom down (thus accomplishing yet another chore, I call this "bundling chores").  Then, I duck back under the shower spray and finally use the remaining towel to dry myself.  Next, I wash all the towels and dry them, in several loads.  It is a huge undertaking to bathe Shaddow.

Extra Credit:  I recycled when I lived in PA and OR.  However, the South doesn't typically have recyling centers, pick-up, separate bins, etc. that is encouraging and conducive to recyling.  Starkville just recently opened a location for drop-off.  The location was highly secretive for the first few month of existence.  Once you found the place, you had to learn the schedule, which changes at random.

Last time I unsuccessfully attempted to drop off some things, I noted that newspaper ONLY was accepted on Tuesdays from 3a til 6a.  Other non-colored paper was accepted Thursdays from 5p til 5:30p.  Colored, non-glossy paper was accepted from 11a til noon on Sundays.  Glossy paper is apparently never accepted.

Clear glass, with no label, is accepted only on the third Thursday from 2p - 4p, unless it happens to be Thanksgiving or the moon is in the new phase, at which time, you just have to wait til the following month and hope that they have not changed the criteria.  Colored glass, non-alcoholic vessels, are accepted Sundays at 6:30p.  Glass that has held alcoholic beverages must first be cleansed in blessed baptist water by a certified sanctioned white, middle-aged, male who must be single.  Only then may that glass be accepted on the fifth Friday of the month.

Cans are never accepted for recycling, the assumption is that you have used them along with the rubber tires, entire vehicles, used oil, and batteries as lawn ornaments.  If you happen to live in an apartment or dormitory which has no yard, then you are cheated from employing your decorating skills and must simply toss the cans in the trash with the rest of your refuse.  Sorry, but that's just the way it is.

Starkville is employing the recycling program on a trial basis, to see if it is acceptably utilized.  Most folks will think that I am joking, but sadly I am not.  We also have a law which states that if you do not pay in full your solid waste disposal bill, you cannot renew the tags and registration for your vehicle.  They take this very seriously.