manic monday

We've all gotten songs stuck in our heads before. Actually, it's usually not even a song in its entirety. Rather it's the chorus, or in my case, more often than not, it's a line or two in an endless loop.

There's something that's been weighing on my mind lots lately. Other than my writing here, eMails to friends, and IM chats with loved ones...well, I really haven't written anything in quite some time. I've been thinking about getting back into it, being more disciplined and setting some goals and then reaching them. But something holds me back.

I'm not sure why I'm so hesitant. But I can think of a few possible reasons. I wanted to give the matter some thought. So last night, I gave it my undivided attention.

Yesterday afternoon, I went into some old files and printed out a few short~shorts {or flash fiction}, poems, short stories, and such. I read a few things to my husband, whom I never really shared my creative writing with {outside of the blog and such}. I realized that I haven't written anything along those lines for years. wow.

After everyone was sound asleep and there appeared to be several dead~dogs slumbering in various favored spots in the living room, I settled into my pink chair and turned my mind toward my thoughts and feelings toward writing. I'm not sure what I arrived at, but I do know that it took most of the night.

The problem was, I kept looping back to one thing or another. It was like getting a lyric stuck in my head. The pattern of it seemed to be more and more ingrained.

And I think that I just need to give it a shot. Or two. Or even more.

I do need to use caution. Sometimes, I get very excited about something. Apply myself. Get all wrapped up in it. And then end up triggering mania and then it's such a mess. The after~burn knocks me down and it takes all that much longer to get back on my feet and stable again.

If this entry seems rather cryptic, it's mostly cuz I don't feel very clear yet. And I'm not sleeping the way I should. That's fairly minor at this point, but I'd like to correct the matter before it becomes something major.

{oh! this summer i was unable to wear my wedding ring, my fingers were too swollen, with fat, heat, and fat~~did i mention that i've gained 50 pounds in the past year? and last night, i slid my ring on and it feels so much better to be wearing it!!}