summer-time

Memorial Day is the unofficial start of the summer season.  Forget this end of June, summer solstice, official proclaimation; we are already experiencing the high temperatures, the humid heaviness, the riotious growth of all this green, and the variety of produce available.  The first cook-out has been had, the first watermelon has been enjoyed, the first mowing is long past.

My guy and I went to see my folks.  It was great to spend time with them.  We caught up on all the comings, goings, and other doings.  They invited neighbors and friends over for a cook-in, which included all the cook-out, picnic, summer foods but prepared and eaten indoors.  It was good to meet the people in their community and hear the news tid-bits.

While we were there, my guy and I did a few things that focused on the two of us.  We went for a small walk along some very scenic trails and, for the first time in years, I meandered in the woods for some length of time.  We also found a swimming hole and enjoyed some time together, the cool waters, and antics of those hurling themselves off rock-formations into unknown depths.

I enjoyed the entire trip tremendously.  Yes, there were the intrusive headaches that caused nausea and vertigo.  Yes, there was a general slow sluggishness that dragged me into quiet, fitful slumber.  Yes, there were scattered flights of fancy that made focus a near impossibility.  But it was great to see my folks, wonderful to spend time with my guy, and good to see the beauty of the land.

I hope that your summer is starting just as nicely.

yippittee skippittee!!

Doing the Debra Dance

My guy finished his second year in the PhD program and I absolutely couldn't be more proud of him!!

Way to go, honey!!

kinkee

An 85 year old man goes to the doctor to get a sperm count.  So the doctor gives him a jar for the man to give a sample in the next day.  The old man comes back the next day and the jar was empty. The doctor asks what happened.  The man says, "I asked my wife to help.  First she tried with her mouth,with her teeth and then with her teeth out, nothing.  Then she tried with her hand, first with left then with her right, still nothing. Then we called over my neighbor, Taylor, still nothing."  The doctor interrupts, "you asked your neighbor?!?"  The old man says, "yeah ,but we couldn't get that damn jar open!"

Random Thoughts

"99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name"
"A day without sunshine is like, night."
"Honk if you love Peace and Quiet"
"Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine."
"I love cats...they taste just like chicken"
"42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot."
"As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools"
"Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot."
"Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let him sleep"
"The gene pool could use a little chlorine."
"I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian."
"He took an IQ test and the results were negative."
"When there's a will, she wants to be in it!"
"Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check?"
"If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?"
"Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!"
"It's lonely at the top, but you eat better."
"Forget about World Peace.....Visualize Using Your Turn Signal!"
"Warning:  Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear."
"Give me ambiguity or give me something else."
"Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot."
"He who laughs last thinks slowest"
"Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math."
"Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes."
"Consciousness: that annoying time between naps."
"3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't."
"Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?"
"Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?"

 Hukdt on foniks workd for me.

Food for Thought

Everyone should eat healthy.  I realize some don't carrot all, but you just can't beet a nutritious vegetable or fruit.  Sometimes I don't eat just one fruit, I eat a pear.

I yam in love with potatoes.  When I was very small, I used to watch my mom cook in the kitchen quite a bit.  I guess you could say I was just a speck tator. 

Did you hear Mr and Mrs Potato Head had a baby?  She was a real sweet potato.  I knew a couple kids in school that smoked potatoes.. they got really baked.

I like eggs.  Some people find them rather fowl.  I think you can't beat 'em.  It really boils me when people say they don't like the way they taste.  I guess it should crack me up, but I'm scrambling to try to understand.

Cheese is grate. I dairy you to convince me otherwise. I once heard this big argument and it went something like this: "Liver alone, cheese mine!"  "Cheese Nachos, Cheese mine!"  I could only listen for so long before I got feta up with it.

Don't have a cow, I realize I'm trying to milk this one a bit, but you've got to be really sharp to think of all these cheesy sayings.

Well, I think that's enough to chew on for now.  Orange you glad I'm ready to end this battle of words?  Really, I just ran out of thyme.

I wish you all love, peas and happiness.

Bumper-Stickers &/or T-Shirts

1. Constipated People Don't Give A Shit.
2. Practice Safe Sex, Go Screw Yourself.
3. If You Drink, Don't Park. Accidents Cause People.
4. Who Lit The Fuse On Your Tampon?
5. If You Don't Believe In Oral Sex, Keep Your Mouth Shut.
6. Please Tell Your Pants It's Not Polite To Point.
7. If That Phone Was Up Your Butt, Maybe You Could Drive A Little Better.
8. My Kid Got Your Honor Roll Student Pregnant.
9. Thank You For Pot Smoking.
10. To All You Virgins: Thanks For Nothing.
11. If At First You Don't Succeed, Blame Someone Else And Seek Counseling.
12. Impotence: Nature's Way Of Saying "No Hard Feelings"
13. If You Can Read This, I've Lost My Trailer.
14. Horn Broken ... Watch For Finger.
15. It's Not How You Pick Your Nose, But Where You Put The Booger.
16. If You're Not A Hemorrhoid, Get Off My Ass.
17. You're Just Jealous Because The Voices Are Talking To Me.
18. The Earth Is Full - Go Home
19. I Have The Body Of A God ... Buddha
20. This Would Be Really Funny If It Weren't Happening To Me
21. So Many Pedestrians - So Little Time
22. Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult
23. If We Quit Voting, Will They All Go Away?
24. The Face Is Familiar, But I Can't Quite Remember My Name
25. Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway
26. Illiterate? Write For Help
27. Honk If Anything Falls Off
28. Cover Me. I'm Changing Lanes
29. He Who Hesitates Is Not Only Lost But Miles From The Next Exit
30. I Refuse To Have A Battle Of Wits With An Unarmed Person
31. You!  Out Of The Gene Pool!
32. I Do Whatever My Rice Krispies Tell Me To
33. Where Are We Going And Why Am I In This Handbasket?
37. If Sex Is A Pain In The Ass, Then You're Doing It Wrong.
38. Fight Crime: Shoot Back!
39. If You Can Read This, Please Flip Me Back Over...[Seen upside down on a jeep]
40. Remember Folks: Stop Lights Timed For 35 mph Are Also Timed for 70 mph.
41. Guys: No Shirt, No Service - Gals: No Shirt, No Charge
42. If Walking Is So Good For You, Then Why Does My Mailman Look Like Jabba The Hut?
43. Necrophilia: That Uncontrollable Urge To Crack Open A Cold One.
44. Ax Me About Ebonics
45. Body By Nautilus; Brain By Mattel
46. Boldly Going Nowhere
47. Cat: The Other White Meat
48. Caution - Driver Legally Blonde
49. Don't Be Sexist - Bitches Hate That
50. Heart Attacks ... God's Revenge For Eating His Animal Friends.
51. Honk If You've Never Seen An Uzi Fired From A Car Window
52. How Many Roads Must A Man Travel Down Before He Admits He is lost?
53. If You Can't Dazzle Them With Brilliance, Riddle Them With Bullets.
54. Money Isn't Everything, But It Sure Keeps The Kids In Touch
55. Saw It ... Wanted It ... Had A Fit .. Got It!
56. My Hockey Mom Can Beat Up Your Soccer Mom.
57. GROW YOUR OWN DOPE --- PLANT A MAN.
58. All Men Are Animals, Some Just Make Better Pets.
59. Some people are alive only because it is illegal to shoot them
60. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
61. WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.
62. BEER: It's not just for breakfast anymore.
63. So you're a feminist...Isn't that precious?
64. I need someone really bad...Are you really bad?
65. Sore/Loserman 2000

a study, without funding

Recently, I have been reading studies, about studies, results of studies, funding for studies, and other study-related materials.  I came across this and wanted to share it with you.  Apparently there is quite a bit you can learn about a man by the way he urinates in public.

If a man is:     Then he usually:
Excitable        Shorts half twisted around, can't find hole, rips shorts.
Sociable         Joins friends in pee, whether he has to go or not.
Nosey            Looks into the next urinal to see how the other guy is fixed.
Cross-eyed    Looks into urinal on the right and left, pees into one in center.
Timid             Can't urinate if someone else is watching, flushes urinal anyway.
Indifferent      If all urinals are being used, pees in sink.
Clever           No hands. Shows off by fixing tie, looks around, pees on floor.
Worried        Is not sure of what he has been doing, makes a quick inspection.
Frivolous       Plays stream up and down and across urinal, tries to hit fly.
Absentminded     Opens vest, pulls out tie, pees in pants.
Disgusted       Stands for a while, gives up, walks away.
Childish          Leaks directly into the urinal bottom, likes to watch bubbles.
Patient           Stands very close for a long time waiting, reads newspaper with free hand.
Efficient         Waits until he has to take a crap, then does both.
Tough           Bangs dong against urinal to dry it.
Fat               Has to stand back to take a long blind shot, misses, pees in shoe.
Little            Stands on box, falls in.
Drunk          Holds left thumb in right hand, pees in pants.
Impatient     Always in a hurry, pees down back of guy ahead of him.
Withdrawn   Places feet in urinal, pees down leg so no one hears.
Sneaky        Farts silently while peeing, acts very innocent, knows that the man in the next stall will be blamed.

eMail from PA is cute and chuckilicious

since i can't sleep, i decided to check my eMail and i'm glad i did, cuz i get to share this with you, the Constant Reader (as Stephen King acknowledges).

Need a good laugh?
A first grade teacher had twenty-five students in her class and she presented each child in her class the first half of a well known proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb. It's hard to believe these were actually done by first graders. Their insight may surprise you. While reading these keep in mind that these are first graders, 6-year-olds, because the last one is classic!

   1. Don't change horses............................until they stop running.
   2. Strike while the....................................bug is close.
   3. It's always darkest before.....................Daylight Saving Time.
   4. Never underestimate the power of ....... termites.
   5. You can lead a horse to water but ........ how?
   6. Don't bite the hand that .................... looks dirty.
   7. No news is........................ ..................impossible.
   8. A miss is as good as a......................... Mr.
   9. You can't teach an old dog new ............ math.
   10. If you lie down with dogs, you'll ...........stink in the morning.
   11. Love all, trust .................................... me.
   12. The pen is mightier than the ................ pigs.
   13. An idle mind is.....................................the best way to relax.
   14. Where there's smoke there's .............. pollution.
   15. Happy is the bride who...........................gets all the presents.
   16. A penny saved is .............................not much.
   17. Two's company, three's ..................... the Musketeers.
   18. Don't put off till tomorrow what ........ you put on to go to bed.
   19. Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry......... and you have to blow your nose.
   20. There are none so blind as .................Stevie Wonder.
   21. Children should be seen and not .........spanked or grounded.
   22. If at first you don't succeed ............... get new batteries.
   23. You get out of something only what you ...... see in the picture on the box.
   24. When the blind lead the blind ............. get out of the way.

   And the WINNER and last one:
   25. Better late than ................................pregnant.

Too Tired

I've been feeling tired today.  Too tired.  I can't even take a nap, I'm so tired!

Yesterday, my guy and I went to Tupelo's Gum Tree fest.  It was nice to see the crafters and the vendors.  I loved the demonstrations, especially the black-smithy.  There were entertainment stages and a wide variety of foods and drinks.  I'm glad we went.

We stopped at my guy's mother's house, but she wasn't there. So we left the stationery and cards on the table.  Then we drove to one of his sister's, thinking maybe she might be there.  His sister told us that great great aunt went into the hospital the night before, and that that's where his mother was.  So after a bit, we dropped by the hospital and visited them both.

She is an amazing woman, this 95 year old great great aunt.  The first time I had met my guy's family, I had met her too.  She has a sharp mind, wonderful wit, and is a true lady.  I feel very comfortable with her.

Her oxygen level is low.  Her white blood cell count is high.  She snoozed a bit while we were there.  If anyone deserves to be tire, it is this lovely lady.

My Mother, a tearful woman of strength

I know that most people will say, "my mom is the best."  To them I say, "to you she is, and that is a good thing."  To me, my mom is the very best of all possible moms to have.  We are a good fit, for the other.

Perhaps even more important is that we would choose to be friends, even if I was not her daughter and she were not my mother.  We like each other.  We do love each other, yes, but we enjoy each other's company.

We tell each other of incidences that will bring tears of laughter.  We confide doubts, concerns, hurts, troubles, and regrets that bring tears of compassion.  We share triumphs, victories, goals, and dreams that bring tears of joy.  We share all the things inbetween, things that make us human, things that make us women, things that make us mother and daughter.

My mother is a solid model for me to emulate.  She is wise, strong, and true to herself.  She is human, with all the wonderful attibutes and acceptable flaws inherent to our species.  She possesses great grace, warm humor, considerate wisdom, and an unbeatable drive.

My mom, my mentor.  Happy Mother's Day, memom.

eMail sends me snickering

A married businessman meets a beautiful girl and agrees to spend the night with her for $500.  He spends the night with her but before he leaves, he tells her that he does not have any cash with him, but he will have his secretary write a check and mail it to her, calling the payment  "RENT FOR APARTMENT."  On the way to the office he regrets what he has done, realizing that the whole event was not worth the price.  So he has his secretary send a check for $250 and enclosed the following typed note:

Dear Madam:
Enclosed you will find a check in the amount of $250 for rent of your apartment. I am not sending the amount agreed upon, because when I rented the apartment, I was under the impression that; 1) it had never been occupied; 2) that there was plenty of heat;  and 3) that it was small enough to make me feel cozy and at home.  However, I found out that it had been previously occupied, that there wasn't any heat, and that it was entirely too large.

Upon receipt of the note, the girl immediately returned the check for $250 with the following note:

Dear Sir,
First of all, I cannot understand  how you expect a beautiful apartment to remain unoccupied indefinitely.  As for the heat, there is plenty of it, if you know how to turn it on.  Regarding the space, the apartment  is indeed of regular size, but if you don't have enough furniture to fill it, please don't blame the landlady.  Send the rent in full or we will be forced to contact your present landlady.

eMail from (yet another) friend

Passing the chuckles on to you...

A young lady goes to her local pet store in search of an exotic pet. As she looks about the store, she notices a box full of live frogs.  The sign says:  "Sex Frogs! Only $20 each!  Money Back Guarantee!  Come with complete instructions."  The girl excitedly looks around to see if anybody's watching her. She whispers softly to the man behind the counter, "I'll take one."  The man packages the frog and says, "Just follow the instructions."  The girl nods, grabs the box, and is quickly on her way home. As soon as she closes the door to her apartment, she reads the instructions and reads them very carefully. She does exactly what is specified:
  1. Take a shower.
  2. Splash on some nice perfume.
  3. Slip into a very sexy nightie.
  4. Crawl into bed and place the frog down beside you.
  5. Allow the frog to follow its training.

She then quickly gets into bed with the frog and to her surprise, nothing happens!  The girl is very disappointed and quite upset at this point. She re-reads the instructions and notices at the bottom of the paper it says in small print "If you have any problems or questions, please call the pet store."  So, the lady calls the pet store. The man says, "I'll be right over." Within minutes, the man is ringing her doorbell.   The lady welcomes him in and says, "See, I've done everything according to the instructions. The damn thing just sits there."   The man, looking very concerned, picks up the frog, stares directly into its eyes and sternly says:  "Listen to me! I'm only going to show you how to do this one more time!"

eMail from my friend

An eight-year-old boy walks into the local grocery store and picked out a large box of laundry detergent.  The grocer walked over, trying to be friendly, and asked the boy if he had a lot of laundry to do.  "Oh, not laundry. I'm going to wash my dog," said the boy.

"But you shouldn't use this to wash your dog," the grocer said. "It's very powerful detergent and if you wash your dog in this, he'll get sick. In fact, it could even kill him."  But the boy was not to be stopped and carried the detergent to the counter and paid for it. The grocer continued to try to convince the boy, but it was no use. The young boy's mind was made up.

About a week later, the boy was back in the store to buy some candy. The grocer approached the boy and asked him how his dog was doing.   "Oh, he died," the boy said sadly. 

"I'm so sorry son. I tried to warn you that the detergent could kill your dog," the grocer said.

"Well," the boy replied. "It wasn't the detergent that killed him."

The grocer was a bit relieved.  "What was it then"? he asked.

"Mom said it was probably the spin cycle."

Bear in Mind

There are alotta reasons why folks can't just "snap out of it" and "pull (themselves) out" of depression and/or other chronic states.  This is just one that helps me have some patience when I begin to impose my rules (for instance, a time-table) on others and their conditions.  Maybe it will make sense to you, too.

We know very little about the brain.  But more and more research is showing that the more often things occur (events, thoughts, feelings, opinions, self-talk, etc), the deeper those pathways are established in our brains.  That becomes our reality.  It becomes easier to follow back into those patterns.  Think of it like having mental-habits, analogous to physical addictions.  We do what is familiar, with little or no thought.

This is true for all of us, those with or without mental illnesses.  I sometimes feel like viewing the condition from this standpoint helps me to be more understanding of others.  I hope it makes sense and is helpful for you.

Flat ~zi trend

I was thinking about whether or not a Flat Debzi would be appropriate.  It would have to be a Fat Debzi, though.  Then, I realized, Fat Debra already exists!

May you be happy

May is Masturbation Month.  Let's all lend a hand!!

I think that June is National Blindness and Low Vision Month.

Ya think there might be a connection?

Health and Wealth

The Journal of American Medical Association (JAMA) has published a study which started with the fact that Americans spend more money on health than the British do.  The hypothesis is that more money spent equals better health.  I'm sure you can see where this is going, but bear with me please.

In self-reported surveys, data which measure health, income, and education were matched.  To control for racial/ethnic differences (such as health issues related to black and/or latino populations and the population percentage found in each society), only non-hispanic whites' data were used.  The focus remained on the age 40 to 70 segment of our populations.  All this is to control for as many variables as possible.

Mainly the variables under analysis were markers of biological diseases.

The results are:  "The US population in late middle age is less healthy than the equivalent British population for diabetes, hypertension, heart disease, myocardial infarction, stroke, lung disease, and cancer....

The conclusions are:  "Based on self-reported illnesses and biological markers of disease, US residents are much less healthy than their English counterparts and these differences exist at all points of the SES (socioeconomic status=occupational prestige, education, and income) distribution....

Now, here's the thing:  it isn't the wealth of the populace that makes the difference.  It probably doesn't even have much to do with priorities, as in preventive care.  I would bet that the nations' states of health have more to do with the delivery system of health care.

I haven't conducted a study of the magnetude that this one reflects, but I do have a little knowledge of medical sociology, particularly when taken into account cultural differences in belief systems and practices dealing with medical and health related matters.  The single most important factor when examining health status across societies is the manner in which services, equipment, and medication is delivered.

Delivery systems entail factors such as how practioners are paid, who pays them, and in what amounts.  Our system is FOR-PROFIT.  This means that everyone is acting as a capitalist, from the doctors' offices to hospitals, to insurance companies, to pharmaceuticals, to pharmacies, to ....

Our practicioners and institutions are often paid per procedure, so every little anything is documented and billable.  What motivation do we have, from a business perspective, to encourage our citizens to take preventative measures, to not indulge in risky behaviors, to be well, to be health?  Medicine is a huge industry here, in ways I haven't even touched upon.

If memory serves correct, I think that most other industrial countries approach health care through a more socialist means.  Everyone chips in (taxes) and pays to the fund so that every one receives equal opportunity to access the needed, appropriate health care.  Practicioners are not paid per procedure.  There is a different sort of base-rate payout from the government to health care providers.  Doctors have much prestige in those countries, but the income is not even close to what we have here, although education (but not cost of education) is remarkably comparable.

So I contend that the prime motivator for health care delivery systems is a matter of wealth of the medical industry itself.  As the potential profit of the health care system increases, the health of the populace decreases.  As the motivation for profit is removed from the system, societal health status increases.

That's a hypothesis for a study that I'd like to see gain wide-spread press and attention.

The CarnivAOL's Come to Town!!!

A funny thing happened on my way to town...

I was on my way to town, cuz I heard that the carnivAOL (ecks eye eye)  was coming and I wanted to see the amazing Flat Scalzi and his Canadian nemisis Flat Paulzi when my vehicle became too hard to handle.  Now, I am blonde, so it took awhile to figure out that the CarnivAOL was not in town literally, but ya know in virtual J-land.  Go check it out!  You have no excuse, no matter what color you dyed your hair!

As for the Flats, well, you can track them down.  I did have all the pages open so I could put all the lil linkies in this entry.  But I have dial-up and it's not wise to open too many pages.  Besides there was a breeze and so I shut the windows.

Ok, so I adjusted my fan, and reread my opening paragraph (cuz I get distracted easily).  Say, have you tried that Lady Gray tea?  It's like her hubby's, Earl's, but with a citrusness.  That'd probably be the lemons.

Oh, my car?  So glad you asked!  How'd you know I was having car problems anyway?

So, I'm driving to town.  My steering gets very floaty, when going straight.  Very difficult, when turning right.  And I can't turn left, at all.  It was like driving a boat, in circles.

Long story somewhat shorter, Charlie called from the garage (where I am on first name-basis with all the guys, they love me, they really love me).  It's my rack-and-pinion and my pressure switch.  My power steering needs help.  My rack was always sufficient, I thought.  But apparently the boys felt differently, once they got to peeking under...

So to the tune of $600+ ,  I should have my vehicle back and be able to make those tricksee left hand turns soon.