"99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name"
"A day without sunshine is like, night."
"Honk if you love Peace and Quiet"
"Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine."
"I love cats...they taste just like chicken"
"42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot."
"As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools"
"Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot."
"Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let him sleep"
"The gene pool could use a little chlorine."
"I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian."
"He took an IQ test and the results were negative."
"When there's a will, she wants to be in it!"
"Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check?"
"If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?"
"Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!"
"It's lonely at the top, but you eat better."
"Forget about World Peace.....Visualize Using Your Turn Signal!"
"Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear."
"Give me ambiguity or give me something else."
"Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot."
"He who laughs last thinks slowest"
"Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math."
"Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes."
"Consciousness: that annoying time between naps."
"3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't."
"Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?"
"Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?"
Hukdt on foniks workd for me.