17 May 2005

Tuesday Tidbits

This morning, I woke earlier than I have in two weeks.  My guy got here last night.  We are going to Jackson today.  It's about a two and a half to three hour drive for us from my home.

Yesterday, I felt myself sinking into a funk.  I called one of my friends and we chatted for a few minutes.  Then she asked how I was.  All of a sudden, a wave crashed over me, sucking me under and I choked on my tears.

It was awful.  I managed to eek out that I was not ok.  I wanted to get off the phone as fast as I could.  Not because I did not trust my friend to see inside me, but because the utter despair left me bewildered and I had no real reason to pin-point as the cause.

Guess what?  The beauty of this disorder is that sometimes, you don't need a specific trigger.  Sometimes chemical levels change, sometimes receptors work, sometimes synapses misfire, and sometimes, just sometimes, there doesn't have to be A REASON.  If you feel like crap, you still feel like crap even if you can determine the cause.  The good part about finding the underlying root for that specific episode, is so that you might be able to counter it more effectively.

I have an appointment to see my doctor tomorrow.  Maybe she can help.  This is too exhausting for me to handle anymore.

Hope y'all have a great day.  The weather is beautiful.  Birds are chirping.  Should be a good day for driving.  Take care of yourselfs.

1 comment:

  1. I hear you Debra. Sometimes depression can hit while driving down the road, watching children playing in the yard, or listening to Beethoven. The ol neural net is a beautiful and complicated thing, but oh so finicky sometimes. Hope your doc can help. I bet you and the guy had a grand time... maybe went to a special movie together eh? See I'm not psycho... just psychic.

    Here's to a better tomorrow. Care for a walk in the rain?



Thanks for taking the time and effort to let your thoughts be known!