if i'm laying on it, it's mine

My husband just sent me a copy of these rules:

the dachshund property laws:
if i like it, its mine
if its in my mouth, its mine
if i had it a little while ago, its mine
if i want it back, its mine
if its mine, it must never be yours
if i can take it from you, its mine
if it even looks like mine, its mine
if i saw it first, its mine
if i can eat it, its mine
if you put it down, its mine
if i am chewing on it, all the pieces are mine
if its on the floor, its mine
if i don't want it anymore, its yours