literary licenssssse

Well, ya just know it hadda happen.  And ya know it hadda happen to me.  Cuz it's all about ME.

(by the way, how are ya?)

Last year, or the year before, so many seasons, so many infestations, pft, who knows when it happened?
Anyway, I had skinks in my office.  Well not IN my office, they lived in between the outer metal siding and
inner panelling of my trailer, ya know in the walls.  They would push their way up through a little hole in
the window sill and sun themselves, basking in the luxurious heat trapped between the outer window and
the inner plastic that I covered my window frame with.  They were a lovely pair, the male had a red waddle,
ya know, that loose skin that hangs beneath your chin in the neckish area.  Well, not YOUR neck; my neck,
the skink's neck, and my paternal grandmother had 3 of them (she was really really fat, short, but fat).

I was not terribly fond of them though, waddles nor skinks.  So my landlord came up and filled the hole with
liquid expanding foam that is stickier than shit (well,i would assume so, but i could be wrong, cuz i don't
really feel shit very often and ya know they DO say "slicker than shit" too, so how can something by stickier
AND slicker, i dunno and anyway why would they use shit as a reference point?).  But when the Great Stuff
(that is what it is called, really.  comes in a red can, with yellow script and once ya start to use it, that's it, the
can can not be used again.  it truly is a one shot deal) dries, it hardens into a dense foam that rivals 
styrofoam and is a great insulator.  Plus it plugs up holes.

So, today, imagine how fast I skedaddled from my lil nappage post when I awoke eye to uhm eye? 
with a reptilian critter today.  Sssssssssssslim SSssssssssssssslender, the snake, dropped by to visit,
very neighborly of him.  And I do mean neighborly in the true sense as he is living between my walls,
like the skink family had.  Once he realized that I was lesssssss than charmed (i'm sure), he
ssssssslithered back from whence he came, rather fasssssssssst.

SSssssssssssseee, it'ssssssss like thisssssssssss...

I have two sets of large windows in my living space.  The set behind Shaddow's ssssssofa
hassssssssss a rotted corner in the sssssssill and Sslim Ssslender came up through the hole,
wadded his entire sssssslinky ssssvelte sssself into the space and basssssssked in the
ssssssssssun. Except for one problem, the plastic is not used to that sort of stressss
and a few of the staples came loose and that snake just poked his head and uhm neck?
around the edge and peered at me til i woke up (cuz i get that 
don't-stare-at-me-while-i-am-sleeping thing, cuz staring at someone while they are sleeping
may SEEM cute and sweet and romantic, but it's just downright creepy).

I do live on a farm, but dude! i don't particularly care for critters to startle me when napping
and things like that.  no, can't be having that.  i mean, what's next?  are they gonna wanna
snuggle up to me for warmth?  no, no, and no, thank you.  i drawn the line at my
sssssssssspace being invaded to THAT degree.  i mean, there are a few privileged
critters that get to snuggle with me; shaddow, ziggee, and my guy.

i think that's enough.

ssssssssso there it isssssssss, that'ssssssss my sstory n imma ssstickin to it.

well, alright, then...

i was gonna skip this whole shindig-do but, since andi is trolling the red carpet, i thought i'd kick it up a bit...THIS is so me.



except, ya know, i'd bust my ass...in those killer boots...but virtually?  no problem!  oh, change out the black ribbon in the boots to match the russet ribbon in the corsetted dress, just for THIS J-Land-do.   no jewelry needed as anyone who knows me knows my tats are well-suited for this dress.

my ride?  buell blast, baby!

Commercial Dispatch, NAMI, and Me

If you've been wondering what I've been up to lately...wonder no mo'!  Sunday's paper features me, my story, NAMI, and even a pic of my lil Ziggee.  Check it out!

Occupying my time

whilst losing sleep.

Georgee Porgee puzzles me.

I'm gonna just assume that the story we've hear is true.  Georgee Porgee did kiss the girls.  They did cry.  Georgee did run away when the boys came out to play.

But, dudes, why?

Why did the girls cry?  Was Georgee's breath really that bad?  Perhaps the girls' tears were joyous.  It could be that Georgee's technique was THAT good.  We don't know.

Why did Georee run?  Was he afraid of the competition?  Or was he running to kiss the next group of girls before the rest of the boys caught onto his prowess?

What's the damn deal about the pudding and pie anyway?  I mean, what does that have to do with anything?  The pudding and pie are not referred to again, later.  Was it pudding and pie as in sweets?  Perhaps the girls cried because his teeth were decayed from the high sugar content.  But, maybe the pudding and pie were of the entry variety.  I know meat pies, shepard's pie, chicken pot pie, and other sorts of "pie" that are certainly not dessert oriented.  But, what does it matter in the grand scheme of Georgee's kissing spree?

I wish I knew.   Cuz maybe it'd help me sleep.  But that there Georgee, he doesn't kiss and tell.

caution: heat addles brains

I realize that we've been in the grip of extreme heat and humidity for about 3 weeks now.  I also realize that folks are a bit more irritable than usual.  Which must be why I've noticed that there seem to be more raging tempers, stupid and risky driving, provoking encounters, parents losing their cool with their small children...

At the public library yesterday, I saw a mother grab her very young toddler, shake him rather violently, and smack his thigh because he started to cry at being startled and shook.  I was at the counter, checking several books out, and the librarian stiffened and gasped.  I would like to think that we would have called her on it, or called the authorities.  But when the woman saw us gaping at the spectacle, she grabbed her son up and stomped out quickly.  Following her, well, that didn't occur to me...

At a store today, the man in front of me was making absurd demands of the employee.  The employee was trying to explain, and at no time lost control, although this man was obviously attempting to provoke her.  The calmer she remained, the more frustrated the "customer" became.  Eventually he too stomped away.  I did ask for the company phone number so that I could call to commend this employee for her even-temper in the face of such customer abuse.

Driving home tonight, a vehicle sped up, swerved around me, and then slowed to 35 mph in a 55 mph zone.  At times like those, I wish I did have a cell phone (which I loath).  I put my caution-light on, as I did not want someone to misjudge me speed and slam into me from behind.  The vehicle in front of me slowed even more so (if they were going any slower, they would have been going backwards) and edged to the right.  So I saw that I could pass and did so.  Immediately, this vehicle's high-beams were brightened and miraculously they sped up and stayed on my tail for a quarter mile.  Then they sped up and passed me, "poppin" at me when they were next to me, then swerving in front of me once more.  I noted the license's first 3 digits before they sped up.  I rounded the next curve to find they had slammed on their brakes and jerked into the oncoming lane, allowing me to pass in the right lane.  They swerved behind me and flashed their high beams for about two miles.  Just about the time I was slowing down to turn off the main highway, they sped up and passed me, cutting back into the right lane as a rig blow its horn in warning already shifting and hissing.  Totally uncalled for behavior!

So yeah, heat addles brains...