31 August 2006

literary licenssssse

Well, ya just know it hadda happen.  And ya know it hadda happen to me.  Cuz it's all about ME.

(by the way, how are ya?)

Last year, or the year before, so many seasons, so many infestations, pft, who knows when it happened?
Anyway, I had skinks in my office. Well not IN my office, they lived in between the outer metal siding and
inner panelling of my trailer, ya know in the walls. They would push their way up through a little hole in
the window sill and sun themselves, basking in the luxurious heat trapped between the outer window and
the inner plastic that I covered my window frame with. They were a lovely pair, the male had a red waddle,
ya know, that loose skin that hangs beneath your chin in the neckish area. Well, not YOUR neck; my neck,
the skink's neck, and my paternal grandmother had 3 of them (she was really really fat, short, but fat).

I was not terribly fond of them though, waddles nor skinks. So my landlord came up and filled the hole with
liquid expanding foam that is stickier than shit (well,i would assume so, but i could be wrong, cuz i don't
really feel shit very often and ya know they DO say "slicker than shit" too, so how can something by stickier
AND slicker, i dunno and anyway why would they use shit as a reference point?). But when the Great Stuff
(that is what it is called, really. comes in a red can, with yellow script and once ya start to use it, that's it, the
can can not be used again. it truly is a one shot deal) dries, it hardens into a dense foam that rivals
styrofoam and is a great insulator. Plus it plugs up holes.

So, today, imagine how fast I skedaddled from my lil nappage post when I awoke eye to uhm eye?
with a reptilian critter today. Sssssssssssslim SSssssssssssssslender, the snake, dropped by to visit,
very neighborly of him. And I do mean neighborly in the true sense as he is living between my walls,
like the skink family had. Once he realized that I was lesssssss than charmed (i'm sure), he
ssssssslithered back from whence he came, rather fasssssssssst.

SSssssssssssseee, it'ssssssss like thisssssssssss...

I have two sets of large windows in my living space. The set behind Shaddow's ssssssofa
hassssssssss a rotted corner in the sssssssill and Sslim Ssslender came up through the hole,
wadded his entire sssssslinky ssssvelte sssself into the space and basssssssked in the
ssssssssssun. Except for one problem, the plastic is not used to that sort of stressss
and a few of the staples came loose and that snake just poked his head and uhm neck?
around the edge and peered at me til i woke up (cuz i get that
don't-stare-at-me-while-i-am-sleeping thing, cuz staring at someone while they are sleeping
may SEEM cute and sweet and romantic, but it's just downright creepy).

I do live on a farm, but dude! i don't particularly care for critters to startle me when napping
and things like that. no, can't be having that. i mean, what's next? are they gonna wanna
snuggle up to me for warmth? no, no, and no, thank you. i drawn the line at my
sssssssssspace being invaded to THAT degree. i mean, there are a few privileged
critters that get to snuggle with me; shaddow, ziggee, and my guy.

i think that's enough.

ssssssssso there it isssssssss, that'ssssssss my sstory n imma ssstickin to it.

1 comment:

  1. Ssssssssssssssssssssshocking!

    Bonnie and Walt


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