Ya know how sometimes when ya do something dumb, and no one else is around to witness it; ya could keep it to yourself, but noooooooooooo, ya gotta share it with the world?
OK, so maybe YOU don't do that. But I do.
My garbage really needed to be taken out. So I did. In the
dark. In the rain. Alone. (gee, I hear echos of
I was fine. Went all the way out to the can, next to the mailbox,
by the dirt (ahem, muddy) road. Came back to the car. There
the problems began.
I unlocked the driver's door. And the door refused to open.
(there, see, I am stressed when I begin to attribute human willful
characteristics to inanimate objects) So I wrenched on it awhile,
before realizing, d'uhm, debbie, d'uhm, there are four freaking doors,
go around and unlock the passenger's door and unlock the rest.
So, I go around to the other side (like the chicken, sorta). Only
I step in a muddy hole and twist my ankle and land in the cold
mud. Which promptly soaked through my skirt, my slip, my
underwear (the virginal white ones with some sort of non-existent
flowers that are reminiscent of childish daisies with purple petals and
blue centers), splashing mud up and INSIDE my kick-ass mid-calf
doe-skin boots. Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit. I exclaimed,
as I stood up.
I did what I went out to do. I came in and assessed the
damage. Then I cleaned the boots as best I could. I trashed
the ruined nylons and muddy panties (coulda washed em, but I hate
purple anyway). I washed the black slip cuz I need to wear it
tomorrow (unless I want to be very indecently inappropriate at my
friend's father's funeral--oh, yeah, give em something to talk about,
why don't I?). And climbed into my jammies my friend sent me from
AL for my birthday.
My birthday suit (ahem, the material one, sillies) is red fleece with
footies. It resembles a baby's sleepwear. With a zipper and
everything. I haven't worn them before, but I figured tonight is
cold, wet, miserable. Perfect.
Then, I discovered that there is a reason that not many folks besides
small children wear these things. Cuz they wear diapers.
These things are sorta tricky to shed when in a rush to use the potty.
another lesson learned.