I've been feeling a great amount of anxiety for a sustained amount of time. The times when I am able to still focus on other things and function to some degree are becoming fewer and fewer. I had thought that I was making some positive strides. Now, I'm not so sure, because I feel sucker-punched to the gut with a huge cannon ball. I know that these things happen and that I'll land on my feet. But right now, all those notions seem lame and trite.
Several times in the past week, I've only slept for a few hours at most, to be jolted awake and unable to rest again. I feel tremendously jittery and exhausted and I hate, hate, hate being stuck in this quagmire.
My counselor and I have been dealing with some tough issues for months now and taking a break is necessary but not happening because I can't seem to get my ducks in a row to do that. When I'm on, I'm really quite alright. But I'm off-kilter so often and so easily here of late that it is having wear and tear on me.
This is awful.
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Being without sleep is awful and leads to days of unproductive exhaustion, I know. I have been on anti-convulsant medication which was originally for epileptics but is now being prescribed for chronic pain. I have a severe stenosis or narrowing of the lumbar spine along with degenerative changes to my spine. Without medication I would not be able to sleep. Still with weather changes I can not sleep and end up staying up till daylight and then sleeping during the day. I will be seeing an Orthopedic Back Surgeon for the first time this month. Last night I was able to get to sleep at 4 am and got about 4 hours of sleep and feel somewhat rested this morning. I have to take the medication around the clock to control my back pain. mark
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