Don't Give Up

When I was about seventeen or so, back in the 80s when mix tapes were a thing, my friend Hal gave me one that expanded my musical horizons quite a bit.  I loved Hal from the minute I met him; how could I not?  He was Jim's partner, together they were witty and kept our kitchen full of laughter whenever they visited my family.  Hal was quiet, thoughtful, a reader, and willing to discuss pretty much anything.  Even after he and Jim were no longer a couple, we remained friends with both.

I'd never heard Kate Bush before he introduced her to me with this duet with Peter Gabriel.  Don't Give Up is one of the most heartfelt songs I've ever heard.  The music, the lyrics, both their voices, and this video simply combine to evoke a complex set of emotions that include encouragement, exhaustion, and comfort.  It's the love that we all long for, an embrace full of care that we can give our own selves...because we were wanted all along, even when we are sunk in despair.  That soothing balm allows my soul to relax, feeling safe and cared for, even when I don't realize that I'm needing just that.  This song has always affected me so.  I can feel my own love and care grow and swell, pouring forth from me in swirls that enfold and cradle.  This song generates so much for me, within me, and I want to give that too.

Hal gave me Bush's The Dreaming, it blew my mind.  When she released The Sensual World, I did a thing I rarely did; I bought the cassette brand spanking new.  I experienced much with Hal, but this gift was the most meaningful, because it calls forth so much, in just a few seconds, so effortlessly.

I miss him so; his quiet strength was so characteristic of him that he maintained it throughout his battles and quick demise.  His death was the first I'd witnessed that bore such dignity and awareness; my first brush with AIDS and the helpless frustration of being powerless to ease another's suffering was overwhelming for me, as tangential as my role had been.  Sweet Hal, oh so gentle, such a good man gone way too soon.  His gifts of then keep giving me so much still.   Thank you.