Embrace the Suck: yes, the situation is bad; but deal with it anyway.

"Pu'cher big boy pants on and suck it up," my friend used to say.  When I first met her, almost twenty years ago, she was a nurse and I was in awe of her bold, brassy, big personality.  She was outspoken and yet no one ever seemed to take offense to her bluntness.  Often, she would even get a laugh from a medically non-compliant patient, like the most sullen stubborn old man who had been whining about actually asking for help with an injection because he thought he might black out when trying to give himself the insulan.  There were times I'd listen to the low incessant drone of teen complaining about something or other and then clear as a bell, I'd hear her say, "yeah, that sucked, I'm sure; but, did it kill you?"  The momentary shocked silence would shatter when the kid's snort of laughter turned into a fit of coughs and without missing a beat, she'd say, "see?  THIS is why you shouldn't miss a scheduled dose of your meds even if it means looking like a wuss cuz you have to go visit the school nurse.  Oh lort, wouldn't want to go see a nurse now wou'ja?"  I just knew that she would be indicating her own uniform clad self, the blatant irony radiating down the hall from the triage room to the front office.

At the time, I was about to turn thirty; still trying to get my own feet under me so I could stand on my own and not worry about if I offended my partner, parent, friend, etc by expressing my differing opinion.  Still trying to find my own voice; rather, trying to find the strength to use that voice.  Often I'd let a moment of opportunity to voice my own thoughts slip by, because I was silently arguing with my self about whether that thought would be received well.  Eventually I realized that I was asking the wrong questions of myself and considering the wrong priorities.

Now, a year or two shy of fifty, I've got that internal conflict stuff mostly figured out.  Life is good and I rarely am completely paralyzed with anxiety over daily interactions and decisions.  I'm surrounded with good friends, including the bold woman from twenty years ago {who is very much still nursing, tho in a different context now}.  My support network is strong, reliable, and accepting of me.

But it wasn't easy, no stroll in the park getting from there to here {pointing a la Suess}.  I took a lot of punches, fell down lots, tripped over some obstacles, insisted on thrusting my fists against the post until eventually I admitted that perhaps there were better ways to do things that involved lots fewer bruises and other injuries to egos.  I grew up in lots of ways and realized that I was outgrowing some aspects of my life; needing to cut some draining folks and behaviors out of my life and move on.  At the time, it was scary, taking some of those steps, those awkward leaps that required me to leave some devils best known behind and venturing into some new territory that presented new challenges that required me to be brave and vulnerable, feeling the fear, yet doing it anyway.

Then too, there were many aspects that I just had to keep on ploughing thru; tucking my chin to chest and hoping that I didn't get too much shit down my collar.  Some consequences I didn't count on, some that I did that then fell thru.  Then too, there were a few curve balls that came zinging out of nowhere, it seemed, throwing me for not just a few loops, but entirely off course and changed my entire reality.  More than once.

My story is not so unique in the overarching generalities that you lose a few, ya win a few, sometimes the muck sucks, sometimes you're sitting pretty.  Lots of people struggle thru these same sets of obstacles and triumph on the other side.  There is no one path that works for everyone, just as there is no one solution that makes everyone happy.

My story, just as anyone's, is unique in the details.  The key is not to get lost in those details at the wrong times.  At this point in my life, I know without a doubt that this too shall pass and that all things are bearable, even when they seem not to be.  That doesn't mean that it doesn't suck in the moment.  But sometimes, ya have to embrace the suck and do it anyway.