Gottman, Giovanni, and Jerry {& me}

This autumn, Jerry and I celebrate ten years of marriage.  In many ways, we never left the honeymoon stage.  So he was a bit confused when not quite two years ago, I suggested we do a couple's retreat.  "There's nothing wrong with us," he said and I agreed.  Still do.

So I explained that I thought that since we had had several years worth of other~oriented stuffs, it would be good to refocus on us, as a couple and as individuals within that couplehood.  Besides, I never really thought of a couple's retreat as being a fix~it for a troubled relationship.  Couple's retreats can bring you even closer.  Or at the very least, give you the time and space to indulge in each other for the weekend, pampering each other, focusing on each other, being catered to, and perhaps even learning a thing or two along the way.  It's a time to relax, to retreat, to rest, to restore, to regroup.

And so I found Niki Kissell at Circle of Light Unlimited in Florida and we set up a very special couple's retreat that was solely for one couple, just my husband and myself.  It took place in February 2018 and was amazing.  Jerry and I enjoyed it very much.  Jerry surprised himself with how much he appreciated the loving supportive atmosphere that Niki provided.  I loved how much Jerry loved it, that just made it all the better for me.

In Niki's welcome basket, she had put all sorts of goodies, including an interesting deck of cards which included both the love map and open ended questions by the Gottman Institute.  We'd asked each other a few questions that first night, reinforcing that we know each other pretty damn well, as we were able to answer the questions for ourselves and for our partners.

Over the last year and a half, we would sometimes use the questions as conversational starters when traveling, while at dinner, and even while ringing in 2019.  Sometimes, we'd follow the tangents off into more interesting paths through some awesome territory.  Other times, we might go for several weeks without turning to the deck; then we might discuss six or seven of them in one sitting.  It just depended.  Each time tho, we were pretty much able to easily answer the questions about each other or have some general idea what the other person might answer about themselves.

Then a couple weeks ago, we headed to Virginia, having worked our way thru most of one deck in the last year or so.  In a few hours, we finished that deck and then turned to the other.  By the time we stopped for lunch, that deck was finished too.  Our take away was that we know each other very well and tho there were a few pleasant surprises, the reassurance of how well we DO know each other was comforting and also...effortless.

Relationships can be lots of work.  Ours has not been.  I didn't realize how effortless and good a relationship can be, til I met Jerry and came to know him.  I am truly a very lucky girl, in oh! so many ways.

One question that he could not answer was my favorite poem, but then again, why would he know that?  I'm not a poetry loving kinda gal.  My favorite poet is Dorothy Parker {who said that men seldom make passes at girls who wear glasses}, while my favorite poem is by Nikki Giovanni, has been since I was a young woman:

I Wrote a Good Omelet
...and ate a hot poem, after loving you.

Buttoned my car and drove my coat home

...in the rain, after loving you

I goed on red and stopped on green, floating somewhere in between
...being here and being there, after loving you

I rolled my bed, turned down my hair

...slightly confused, but I don't care

Laid out my teeth, gargled my gown,

then I stood and laid me down

...to sleep, after loving you.

Jerry guessed Robert Frost's "Road Not Taken", which was a very good guess and probably does rank right up there in my top five, along with Max Ehrmann's "Desiderata".  But nothing quite satisfies my lusty soul like "I wrote a Good Omelet".  It's rather toothsome on all sorts of levels.

So to use Gottman Institute terms, ahem, I feel we've a "sound relationship house", built on understanding, connection, and intimacy.   Our relationship is rich in acceptance, belonging, love, trust, honesty, and valuing each other's worth.  Jerry is an easy man to love; and he loves me, as I am, as I was, and as I will be.

And who can ask for anything more than that?