i can't do this.
i know i will.
but i feel so utterly defeated.
the shit just heaps higher and higher.
my landlords, who are the best i've ever had, are thinking about tearing down my trailer since it is almost forty years old and requires so much work. see, i had told them in the spring of the year that i would only be living here til next fall. cuz that's what i thought. i thought that his love was meaningful and sincere and that when he said that he wanted to marry me and all that next fall, i trusted him. in august 2009 he is to return to mississippi and we were to buy a house next fall.
so ok, that's not gonna happen for so many different reasons. and so the plan that my home here would only be til next fall is null and void. no longer exists. and now, my home might not be mine either for much longer. understand this is not mean on my landlords' parts. they really thought that the trailer would be destroyed next fall, after serving as my home for this next year. now, it makes no sense to repair things, do major work, continue to pour money into it when it is not gonna just get me thru the next year.
i was ok with it yesterday. but this afternoon, i realized that i can't do this. i'm not strong enough to cope with all this. i'm not gonna do anything foolish like hurt or eliminate myself, or anyone else. it's just...i can't even have the security of my home. i can't even put this horrid thing behind me cuz it affects my everything.
i can't do this.
04 August 2008
parts is parts is parts
I often want to remove my parts. Like when my eyes are very irritated, I want to pop them out and rinse them in saline. Same for my lungs, when I can't breathe due to mold or allergies, I want to removed them (preferably whole, but with a spoon if needs be) and soak them in saline.
When I have cramps, I want to remove my uterus. I'd put it back in, a few days later. But just for the time, I'd like to set it up on the bookshelf.
If I have a very bad headache, I want to remove my skull to give my brain room to expand and relax. Cuz it's cramped in my head. Just not enough space for all it contains.
Today, I'd like to remove my stomach, cuz it's clenched tight. Or maybe my nerves, cuz they are buzzing. Or drain my blood and replace it with fresh blood that is not boiling.
Or wait, can I just remove that portion of mind that is me and air it out? I'd put all my pieces and parts back together again, eventually. I just don't want to be me right now.
When I have cramps, I want to remove my uterus. I'd put it back in, a few days later. But just for the time, I'd like to set it up on the bookshelf.
If I have a very bad headache, I want to remove my skull to give my brain room to expand and relax. Cuz it's cramped in my head. Just not enough space for all it contains.
Today, I'd like to remove my stomach, cuz it's clenched tight. Or maybe my nerves, cuz they are buzzing. Or drain my blood and replace it with fresh blood that is not boiling.
Or wait, can I just remove that portion of mind that is me and air it out? I'd put all my pieces and parts back together again, eventually. I just don't want to be me right now.
not mine, but it's an intimate visitor
this hellish dreaded pain constricting me knocks me so low; i cannot stand beneath it, cannot breathe, cannot bear this.i've been having a rough morning. getting rougher with the passing hours. and i've been doing all i can. but it is weighing heavier, and the effort is too much.
intellectually i KNOW that this is not forever, that i will and am getting thru this. but that knowledge is not informing my feelings, which are just so devastating and getting worse all morning. i hate this. i hate to be talking about it. i hate dealing with this.
arizen
I may be going to see the breastest doc again soon. There are two lumps that have become more noticeable in the past few days. I know they are not cancer, but fluid filled cysts. Rather benign, just somewhat tender at this stage. If they become painful, it'll be time for an aspiration. Last time the breastestest doc tapped my breast, just a few months back; he drained over a quarter cup from one cyst. He was surprised that I was not panicked about the lump's presence, given the fear of cancer so many women have. I told him that I've always been a lumpy-bumpy person, even as a child. If I went running to the doc every time lumps and bumps appeared on my person, I would just schedule standing appointments!
{yawn} sleepee me {blink, blink}
With the exception of Tuesday night (well, ok, technically it was wed morning), I've been sleeping very well and have been to bed by midnight and slept solidly and then awoke by about seven or so. Shocking. Just shocking, I say.
Sleeping solidly is something that has not happened so I don't know when. I usually wake up several times thru the night, even with my night time sleepee meds. So this sleep this past week? Very restful.
I did have a couple days in the beginning of this colossal fuck up when I woke in mid-panic attack. But these last five days, I've woken at peace and centered, without being disoriented or fuzzy-brained. I've been very pleasantly surprised.
I'm clear-headed and able to begin accomplishing things. In fact there were several days in which I was raring to go before any of the businesses were open. That hasn't happened for...years.
On that note, I'm gonna toddle of to bed. Sleep sweet, my fine friends.
Sleeping solidly is something that has not happened so I don't know when. I usually wake up several times thru the night, even with my night time sleepee meds. So this sleep this past week? Very restful.
I did have a couple days in the beginning of this colossal fuck up when I woke in mid-panic attack. But these last five days, I've woken at peace and centered, without being disoriented or fuzzy-brained. I've been very pleasantly surprised.
I'm clear-headed and able to begin accomplishing things. In fact there were several days in which I was raring to go before any of the businesses were open. That hasn't happened for...years.
On that note, I'm gonna toddle of to bed. Sleep sweet, my fine friends.
03 August 2008
ahem, mememememe...
I very rarely do the memes that circulate amongst blogs, but I thought this would be interesting and it's very simple, so no effort on my part. Instead, you put forth the effort. And that'd be Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.
In comments to this entry, please describe ME in one word.... Just one single word. Then paste this in your journal and see how many strange and interesting things your friends say about you. Ya might just be surprised!
Wanna play? Here's how: 1. Leave one word in my comment section that you think describes me. 2. Copy and paste most of this entry into your journal. 3. Have fun!!
In comments to this entry, please describe ME in one word.... Just one single word. Then paste this in your journal and see how many strange and interesting things your friends say about you. Ya might just be surprised!
Wanna play? Here's how: 1. Leave one word in my comment section that you think describes me. 2. Copy and paste most of this entry into your journal. 3. Have fun!!
The Happy Yellow House: Geo
This Geo quilt-ghan is also over there, at the Happy Yellow House. Obviously, I visit the House often. It's a happy, sunny place {wink}. I'll be using a warm brown and a lighter buff for the brown/black pictured here. Also I'll be using a variegated sandy print for the white blocks.This quilt-ghan is designated for one of my dear loving loyal readers, so I can't say to whom this will go at this time. Talk amongst yourselves {grin}. I will share when the quilt-ghan is sent out and received by the surprised friend who has been helping me thru all this so very much, I really appreciate you.
The Happy Yellow House: Woven Quilt-Ghan
This quilt-ghan is also featured at the Happy Yellow House. I will be using soft navy and country blue for the medium and light blues you see here. Also, I will use soft white for the aran blocks you see. I have way more than enough yarn to finish this and not need to substitute or modify muchly.This quilt is for Friend Adria (and her stellar husband), who has made numerous appearances here in my journal. The introduction of the Booty-Bug was due to her youngest child, my littlest friend who is getting bigger by the day. Adria doesn't have access to the net, so she doesn't read my journal, so it's way ok to share my plans here {wink}.
Happy Yellow House: Criss Cross Quilt-Ghan
As pictured here, this quilt-ghan is an example of the criss-cross pattern found over at the Happy Yellow House. I'll be using light sage for the black; the variegated watercolor, orchid, and rose for what is seen here in red/blue/yellow. I may not have enough yarn so I may supplement and make the center of each criss-cross (+) soft white; but probably will stick with the light sage, to keep that color scheme intact. I'm not exactly sure and will need to think on it. I've some time to ponder tho.This quilt-ghan (shhhhhhhhhhh, our secret, k? wink) is for the Amazing Miss Monica. I can say that here, cuz she doesn't read my journal (we eMail lots, and she knows about my journal, she just would rather have personal eMail; and frankly, I don't blame her). Her favorite colors are light green and pink and any pastel combination. So I bought those yarns cuz this is just perfect for her.
dancing queen
lately, i've taken a break from audio book (mostly cuz i've not been crocheting these past few days). so i've been listening to the radio. and singing along.
i've even caught myself dancing, and that my friends, is excellent.
i used to dance all the time. i may be a klutz, but i've got rhythm and can dance in such captivating ways. so it's lovely that i've begun to let the music make me move.
g'n'nite, sweeterpeas!!
i've even caught myself dancing, and that my friends, is excellent.
i used to dance all the time. i may be a klutz, but i've got rhythm and can dance in such captivating ways. so it's lovely that i've begun to let the music make me move.
g'n'nite, sweeterpeas!!
02 August 2008
Ya Gotta Be
Sometimes, others say what you mean, what you feel; so why recreate the wheel? Kudos to Des'ree.
Listen as your day unfolds
Challenge what the future holds
Try and keep your head up to the sky
Lovers, they may cause you tears
Go ahead release your fears
Stand up and be counted
Don't be ashamed to cry
You gotta be
You gotta be bad, you gotta be bold
You gotta be wiser, you gotta be hard
You gotta be tough, you gotta be stronger
You gotta be cool, you gotta be calm
You gotta stay together
Listen as your day unfolds
Challenge what the future holds
Try and keep your head up to the sky
Lovers, they may cause you tears
Go ahead release your fears
Stand up and be counted
Don't be ashamed to cry
You gotta be
You gotta be bad, you gotta be bold
You gotta be wiser, you gotta be hard
You gotta be tough, you gotta be stronger
You gotta be cool, you gotta be calm
You gotta stay together
another one bites the dust, hey
Wow, I just did something that I was dreading and yet wanted to get out of the way. So now it is done and I feel so much better, cuz I did it. Let me explain.
I just spoke with Shitt on the phone and let him know that all worked out just fine since he had called to check about the key situation, and I felt that I owed him a courtesy call, cuz dude, it's not nice to leave someone hanging when they think you are in trouble like that. I'm like that, tie up loose ends.
I told him not to bother sending me the keys cuz he's leaving the state next week and I doubt he will make it a point to drive my car off somewhere and abandon it. I also told him that I've something to say that is not coming from a place of anger, that it is rational, and that even if he doesn't agree with me, I just want him to understand my wishes. I told him that I don't want his guilt money and that it'd probably make him feel better but I am not his charity case. I said that as far as I was concerned this call was goodbye. He said that he wanted to call me again and I asked why. He said that I (Debra) am still his friend. I told him that friends don't do like he did. I told him that I wouldn't be friends with someone who lied to me for over a year (that I know about) and was that disrespectful to me. I told him that I may be a friend to him, but he is no friend of mine. Then I told him that I wish him no harm and that with his mind on so many things, he needs to be extra careful driving right now, cuz folks who are preoccupied are more accident prone. Then very cordially, we ended the call.
Guys, I am very proud of myself. I stayed very calm and rational. I did not lose control at any time. So yep, I'm alright.
And well on my way to being better and finer all the time.
I just spoke with Shitt on the phone and let him know that all worked out just fine since he had called to check about the key situation, and I felt that I owed him a courtesy call, cuz dude, it's not nice to leave someone hanging when they think you are in trouble like that. I'm like that, tie up loose ends.
I told him not to bother sending me the keys cuz he's leaving the state next week and I doubt he will make it a point to drive my car off somewhere and abandon it. I also told him that I've something to say that is not coming from a place of anger, that it is rational, and that even if he doesn't agree with me, I just want him to understand my wishes. I told him that I don't want his guilt money and that it'd probably make him feel better but I am not his charity case. I said that as far as I was concerned this call was goodbye. He said that he wanted to call me again and I asked why. He said that I (Debra) am still his friend. I told him that friends don't do like he did. I told him that I wouldn't be friends with someone who lied to me for over a year (that I know about) and was that disrespectful to me. I told him that I may be a friend to him, but he is no friend of mine. Then I told him that I wish him no harm and that with his mind on so many things, he needs to be extra careful driving right now, cuz folks who are preoccupied are more accident prone. Then very cordially, we ended the call.
Guys, I am very proud of myself. I stayed very calm and rational. I did not lose control at any time. So yep, I'm alright.
And well on my way to being better and finer all the time.
a tall yarn
In addition to the yarns that I've already spoken about, let me tell ya about the yarn that I picked up today for the Ancient Greek Games, over in Crochetville. All of it is Red Heart, some Super Savers, some Jumbo, and some regular. Here's a list:
6 16oz skeins of soft white
3 16oz skeins of light sage
2 16oz skeins of soft navy
4 7oz skeins of country blue
4 5oz skeins of watercolor (variegated soft greens, purples, blues, and cream)
2 7oz skeins of orchid
2 7oz skeins of country rose
2 7oz skeins of warm brown
2 7oz skeins of buff
2 6oz skeins sandy print (variegated creams and tans)
and the remaining (just over 5.5oz) aspen print (light blues, greens, and tans)
all the yarn listed above will be used in the three quilt-ghans described and pictured in an earlier entry this week. all but three smaller skeins were bought today. i'm pretty much ready for the crocheting marathon. and i know who is getting what. i'm not saying, til i'm done; sir-prize!
i'm really looking forward to working on the quilt-ghans. It'll be a challenge to start and finish all three in sixteen days, but not impossible. And it'll keep me busy. I get to be creative, and I'm good at it and I get to express my appreciation by giving them as gifts. good on me, eh?
6 16oz skeins of soft white
3 16oz skeins of light sage
2 16oz skeins of soft navy
4 7oz skeins of country blue
4 5oz skeins of watercolor (variegated soft greens, purples, blues, and cream)
2 7oz skeins of orchid
2 7oz skeins of country rose
2 7oz skeins of warm brown
2 7oz skeins of buff
2 6oz skeins sandy print (variegated creams and tans)
and the remaining (just over 5.5oz) aspen print (light blues, greens, and tans)
all the yarn listed above will be used in the three quilt-ghans described and pictured in an earlier entry this week. all but three smaller skeins were bought today. i'm pretty much ready for the crocheting marathon. and i know who is getting what. i'm not saying, til i'm done; sir-prize!
i'm really looking forward to working on the quilt-ghans. It'll be a challenge to start and finish all three in sixteen days, but not impossible. And it'll keep me busy. I get to be creative, and I'm good at it and I get to express my appreciation by giving them as gifts. good on me, eh?
doing the 'do
My hair is so right! She cut it a bit higher in the back (I lost about 4 inches), lil longer on the sides so it slopes down on a gentle angle, and left the bangs at chin length for me. Then she layered it and took out lots of bulk so that it would be a tad cooler. It's so very cute and looks very good on me. She loves it and kept getting all excited about it while she was snipping away and she could see the shape emerging. I didn't see it til the very end cuz without my glasses I can barely see a vague shape that represents me in the mirror. She said that my hair is perfect for this cut, and that this cut is made for my hair. It's exciting when great matches are fit together. grin.
I have to agree, it looks and feels wonderful and is better than I thought. It suits me like a perfect cuppa tea. It won't be hard to grow out from here, if that's what I decide to do; but neither does it look like it is an attempt to grow out and in that in-between stage. It's sorta combination between a shag and a bob. With an interesting angle. The thickness of my hair gives the cut some body and texture, and it lays nicely. yea! for me.
I've already gotten several compliments on it. grin. And that's good to hear.
Well, I needa shower, cuz dude! 105 out there and I was out in that all morning and a good portion of the afternoon. Stankee.
I have to agree, it looks and feels wonderful and is better than I thought. It suits me like a perfect cuppa tea. It won't be hard to grow out from here, if that's what I decide to do; but neither does it look like it is an attempt to grow out and in that in-between stage. It's sorta combination between a shag and a bob. With an interesting angle. The thickness of my hair gives the cut some body and texture, and it lays nicely. yea! for me.
I've already gotten several compliments on it. grin. And that's good to hear.
Well, I needa shower, cuz dude! 105 out there and I was out in that all morning and a good portion of the afternoon. Stankee.
flexing my coping muscles
This morning I went to the Co-Op cuz one can never have enough triple cleaned corn or saddle soap. My insurance card was out, from yesterday's errands, and I wanted to put it away. Since my air conditioner ist kaputt, I've been riding around with my windows open. So I've kept my glovebox locked. The same key that turns the ignition, unlocks the doors, the trunk, and the glovebox. As I was turning the key in the glovebox lock, it snapped off.
Now, I do have spares. One spare is with my landlord (an incredibly long story, that I will not repeat here), and they are in Louisiana, attending a funeral, some ten hours from here. On the off chance that they hadn't left yet, I called, no joy.
The other spare is with the Shitt. Since I wasn't thinking, I called him and asked if he still had the spare. He did, but was less than the small sliver of a man I thought he was. So I hung up while he was still undecided with what to do. Given this past month, if I'da waited for his decision, I coulda camped out in the farm store and ate some sweet feed.
Then! I remembered, I have AAA for just such situations as this. So I called them, again using the Co-Op's phone (they were so very nice and accommodating), and explained to the AAA folks that no, I don't have my card accessible, cuz yes it is locked in the trunk, along with my picture ID; but hey, here's my name, my address, my home phone...and by the way let me tell you what the problem is. They wanted to tow me somewhere.
I pointed out that without a key, that is not a good solution, cuz uhm hello? I still won't be able to drive it. Isn't locksmith services covered on my account? Since I have the toppa d'line card, it should be but my list describing the services available to me is locked in the glovebox.
So they spend two hours calling around to find a locksmith that takes their card and was open. Nope, no joy. So I called the Dodge Dealership, which ironically, I could have walked across the tracks and thru the wooded line and been at the place; just a stone's thru away. I explained the problem, gave them the VIN from my car and they made me a key. Within fifteen minutes of the call, a representative was at the Co-Op with two keys for me. He tested them. I followed him over yonder, he removed the snapped off key portion that remained in my glovebox lock. And all this with a smile, kindness, and no charge.
sigh.
So, kiddies, what've we learned here? One, I can deal with stuff the same as I dealt with it a week and a half ago. Two, re-affirmation that Shitt? really is way less of a man than I'd thought. Good for me to know.
My hair, uber-kewl! I'd take a pic and post it, but, no webcam and now that I've bought yarn for the Ancient Greek Games and other luxuries like bleach and laundry detergent, I've three dollars to my name. Life is grand! I have no other needs pressing at the moment that can't be met some other way.
mad skillz? i haz em.
Now, I do have spares. One spare is with my landlord (an incredibly long story, that I will not repeat here), and they are in Louisiana, attending a funeral, some ten hours from here. On the off chance that they hadn't left yet, I called, no joy.
The other spare is with the Shitt. Since I wasn't thinking, I called him and asked if he still had the spare. He did, but was less than the small sliver of a man I thought he was. So I hung up while he was still undecided with what to do. Given this past month, if I'da waited for his decision, I coulda camped out in the farm store and ate some sweet feed.
Then! I remembered, I have AAA for just such situations as this. So I called them, again using the Co-Op's phone (they were so very nice and accommodating), and explained to the AAA folks that no, I don't have my card accessible, cuz yes it is locked in the trunk, along with my picture ID; but hey, here's my name, my address, my home phone...and by the way let me tell you what the problem is. They wanted to tow me somewhere.
I pointed out that without a key, that is not a good solution, cuz uhm hello? I still won't be able to drive it. Isn't locksmith services covered on my account? Since I have the toppa d'line card, it should be but my list describing the services available to me is locked in the glovebox.
So they spend two hours calling around to find a locksmith that takes their card and was open. Nope, no joy. So I called the Dodge Dealership, which ironically, I could have walked across the tracks and thru the wooded line and been at the place; just a stone's thru away. I explained the problem, gave them the VIN from my car and they made me a key. Within fifteen minutes of the call, a representative was at the Co-Op with two keys for me. He tested them. I followed him over yonder, he removed the snapped off key portion that remained in my glovebox lock. And all this with a smile, kindness, and no charge.
sigh.
So, kiddies, what've we learned here? One, I can deal with stuff the same as I dealt with it a week and a half ago. Two, re-affirmation that Shitt? really is way less of a man than I'd thought. Good for me to know.
My hair, uber-kewl! I'd take a pic and post it, but, no webcam and now that I've bought yarn for the Ancient Greek Games and other luxuries like bleach and laundry detergent, I've three dollars to my name. Life is grand! I have no other needs pressing at the moment that can't be met some other way.
mad skillz? i haz em.
01 August 2008
d'uhm debbie d'uhm
My mail runs anywhere from 3-5pm, which means that today, I scooped up those checks, ran to town to cash them out and began to go place to pay things. While I was stuck in traffic wasting gas I thought, dude, this stuff coulda waited til Monday, about mid-morning when no one else is trying to also go places to pay things.
Cuz today? Friday. Rush hour. First of the month. D'uhm Debbie D'uhm.
Everyone and their brother's dog was out there. In this heat. Tempers were running high to be sure. I did as many errands as I could. My method? Pay bills til the money runs out then come home. It works for me.
Cora at the power company was glad to see me cuz I kept saying, take your time, it's ok, there is no rush. She snapped at one of her co-workers, I'm waiting on Debra, so just you hold your horses. I like Cora. And I think, she likes me.
The place where I pay the garbage bill ("solid waste") used to be a bank. So it has these drive thru lanes with the pop out drawers and whoooshed! capsules. The girl there has no idea that she doesn't have to scream thru the glass, that little microphone deal works just fine. So I always feel like I am some old little lady with my hearing aids in flux. It must be the gramma car.
Tammy my insurance agent frowned at me, cuz this was the first time in the six and a half years that we've been doing business that I was not able to pay the six-month premium. She asked me twice to be sure that I was aware that I was paying the monthly amount instead of the usual lump sum. But I wanted to make sure I had enough to put some gas in my car so that I could drive home instead of walking. Cuz dude, this heat? One.hun.dreaded.de.greeses.
I put forty bucks of gas in the car. And my tank reads at less than three-quarters full. eek. sigh. everyone's belt is tightened in every way.
Mr. Thin at the co-op was very happy to see me with one hundred pounds of dog food and frontline and copper sulfate to go. They are all big ticket items and I always make him smile when I pop in. Smiles are not comfortable on Mr. Thin's face, so I like to see the muscles stretch in unused ways.
Copper sulfate is expensive. Fifty pounds? $$95. gasp. But if it prevents those clingy roots from creating tightly woven webs that catch all the water from draining into the septic tank in such a way that my toilet water backs into the tub, well, then I'm all for expensive copper sulfate. It was sorta weird, those clots of roots? Looked like sod patches that people pay good money for to repair their torn up lawns.
I had a very nice visit with my landlord while I was paying the rent. So now? I thought about not going to have my hair cut tomorrow, but it's been months and uhm, that heat? yeah. I thought so.
Ya know, I like to take care of all the bills and errands in one quick run about. It lets me breathe easier cuz I'm never late on anything and usually pay ahead of time. Doing that makes me happy and it makes the folks happy to see me and my money. Plus then I have an accurate idea of what I have left.
I won't be able to pre-pay my propane for this next winter this month. Every August, the gas company runs their pre-pay plans. If you don't sign up in August, you're screwed. But, I can't pull that kinda money from my butt. Well, no kinda money really. Cuz that's just wrong. Really wrong.
Ain'tcha glad to know the intimate details of my life's drudgery? Yeah, me too. Thanks for reading my attempts to organize my thoughts.
So, what's new with you?
Cuz today? Friday. Rush hour. First of the month. D'uhm Debbie D'uhm.
Everyone and their brother's dog was out there. In this heat. Tempers were running high to be sure. I did as many errands as I could. My method? Pay bills til the money runs out then come home. It works for me.
Cora at the power company was glad to see me cuz I kept saying, take your time, it's ok, there is no rush. She snapped at one of her co-workers, I'm waiting on Debra, so just you hold your horses. I like Cora. And I think, she likes me.
The place where I pay the garbage bill ("solid waste") used to be a bank. So it has these drive thru lanes with the pop out drawers and whoooshed! capsules. The girl there has no idea that she doesn't have to scream thru the glass, that little microphone deal works just fine. So I always feel like I am some old little lady with my hearing aids in flux. It must be the gramma car.
Tammy my insurance agent frowned at me, cuz this was the first time in the six and a half years that we've been doing business that I was not able to pay the six-month premium. She asked me twice to be sure that I was aware that I was paying the monthly amount instead of the usual lump sum. But I wanted to make sure I had enough to put some gas in my car so that I could drive home instead of walking. Cuz dude, this heat? One.hun.dreaded.de.greeses.
I put forty bucks of gas in the car. And my tank reads at less than three-quarters full. eek. sigh. everyone's belt is tightened in every way.
Mr. Thin at the co-op was very happy to see me with one hundred pounds of dog food and frontline and copper sulfate to go. They are all big ticket items and I always make him smile when I pop in. Smiles are not comfortable on Mr. Thin's face, so I like to see the muscles stretch in unused ways.
Copper sulfate is expensive. Fifty pounds? $$95. gasp. But if it prevents those clingy roots from creating tightly woven webs that catch all the water from draining into the septic tank in such a way that my toilet water backs into the tub, well, then I'm all for expensive copper sulfate. It was sorta weird, those clots of roots? Looked like sod patches that people pay good money for to repair their torn up lawns.
I had a very nice visit with my landlord while I was paying the rent. So now? I thought about not going to have my hair cut tomorrow, but it's been months and uhm, that heat? yeah. I thought so.
Ya know, I like to take care of all the bills and errands in one quick run about. It lets me breathe easier cuz I'm never late on anything and usually pay ahead of time. Doing that makes me happy and it makes the folks happy to see me and my money. Plus then I have an accurate idea of what I have left.
I won't be able to pre-pay my propane for this next winter this month. Every August, the gas company runs their pre-pay plans. If you don't sign up in August, you're screwed. But, I can't pull that kinda money from my butt. Well, no kinda money really. Cuz that's just wrong. Really wrong.
Ain'tcha glad to know the intimate details of my life's drudgery? Yeah, me too. Thanks for reading my attempts to organize my thoughts.
So, what's new with you?
apropos
Jesus shits! And so do I. My septic tank man pulled up in his politic truck with this witticism in curly cursive across the end of the tank: A royal flush is better than a full house. Once the tank was opened, he said, "wow, your shit don't stink." Yes indeedy folks, it was a proud moment for me. And ya take those proud moments when and where ya can.
Turns out that like I thought, there were a mess of roots and other lovely networks of fine lines grown across the end of the pipe so even tho the tank wasn't full, the system couldn't drain cuz of the living blockage. So he suggested I use some copper sulfate to kill off those nasty clingy clogging roots. I'll let you other septic tankers know how that works for me.
So in lots of ways it's been a shitty week but now? I'm clog free. And I wanna stay that way.
Turns out that like I thought, there were a mess of roots and other lovely networks of fine lines grown across the end of the pipe so even tho the tank wasn't full, the system couldn't drain cuz of the living blockage. So he suggested I use some copper sulfate to kill off those nasty clingy clogging roots. I'll let you other septic tankers know how that works for me.
So in lots of ways it's been a shitty week but now? I'm clog free. And I wanna stay that way.
spinning and sputtering
Has anyone seen the commercial for a cell phone where the mother gazes at her new born crying, then that same baby a bit older and babbling away, then the girl as a child of three or four reciting the alphabet in speedily, then that girl a bit older as a grade school child having a running monologue about which subject she likes and why, and then the girl a little older yammering about this boy who is so hot and then finally the mother hands her a cell phone so that the girl can talk non-stop to someone else?
I think I'm that girl grown up. Thanks for hanging in there with me. Even when I have nothing substantial to say.
I think I'm that girl grown up. Thanks for hanging in there with me. Even when I have nothing substantial to say.
time is on my side {yes it is}
I love this scene. It struck me as familiar on so many levels when I stumbled across it this morning. But there was one particular thought that nibbled on my brain. Then it clicked into place. Hard as this is to believe, this picture is used on the cover for my favorite statistics book.There are all sorts of songs' lyrics that have been occurring to me in the past week. I've not mentioned many of them, because I thought it was rather trite to do so. Well, fuck that. Lately, the song that I keep softly singing when I'm not particularly aware of it, has been "time is on my side"; esp the version that was featured in the movie "Fallen". It's a softer version that is sung by various characters, acapella. If you've not heard it, give it a listen. Pretty sure YouTube would have it, or watch the movie, it's a good story line that raises some interesting questions.
invasion of the septic suckers
What a way to start a brand new month! Yea! With a clean slate, or at the very least, a cleaned septic tank! You just don't realize how lovely a shower can be when you're sticky with sweat from the August heat til you cannot actually take one for fear of backing up your entire drainage system. Or how difficult it is to resist flushing a toilet, cuz there is no where for the waste to go til you have to abstain from doing so for fear of needing to swab up the floor.
The septic suckers can't say for sure when they will visit, but they think they might maybe possibly be able to make it in the early afternoon. This would be excellent, esp since my checks should come tomorrow and I have made an appt to get my hair cut tomorrow after my checks come. The mail runs about 3p, so it'll be sorta tight to get there in time. Altho, my hairdresser told me that she will just keep the business open late for me, cuz I'm special. wink. She's gonna give me the full treatment, and pamper me.
When I called her earlier this afternoon, she said that she's been wondering for months now where I've been. She always cuts my hair for a really reduced rate, but even with that, I don't go all that often cuz I don't have money to be splurging on stuff like haircuts. My hair is way too thick and needs thinning to get thru the August heat. I'm not sure if I'm going with a chin length cut, or if I will continue to let it grow. It's just now getting to the length that allows me to put it up. I'd planned to let it grow, and have been doing just that for about six months or so. But now? I'm not quite sure. One thing I can tell you for sure, I won't be caving to the shaving. grin.
My mother called earlier today and she may be able to get here during Sept. She wants me to come out there, but understands that that particular environment would not be relaxing or healing. Particularly since she's find it a bit frazzling herself. I've not seen her since last November, so I'm really looking forward to a nice visit with her. I've got a ton of crocheted hats for donation for her to take with her (for the Children's Hospital in Little Rock). I've made three shawls for her. And a wide variety of smaller items, like dish clothes, hyperballic scrubbies, hotpads, etc. There are still some things to finish up, but I've time. Infact, you could say that time's on my side, yes it is.
A long time friend of 22 yrs, Brenda (who got married in May, you might remember) and I finally were able to chat tonight. She's got lots of stuff going on, esp since the kids are trying to eek out the most they can of what remains of their summer breaks. The kids here go back next week, but in Chattanooga they go back the following week. Both her kids' birthdays are that week, and between back to school supplies and school clothes and all that, there isn't very much left for birthday presents.
I also caught up with a few other friends today. In the last three days, I've spent much more time on the phone than I have in the last three years. Everyone's been calling to check on me and make sure I'm ok. Which is very reassuring and I do so appreciate all the care and concern. This will not undo me, altho it has knocked me back a few paces.
All my sweetness, I thought, had soured, curdled, and withered but I realize that is just not true. In part, it is that very sweetness that I thought destroyed due to such overpowering events here lately, that I'm still here. My sweetness? It's strong. It sustains me.
The septic suckers can't say for sure when they will visit, but they think they might maybe possibly be able to make it in the early afternoon. This would be excellent, esp since my checks should come tomorrow and I have made an appt to get my hair cut tomorrow after my checks come. The mail runs about 3p, so it'll be sorta tight to get there in time. Altho, my hairdresser told me that she will just keep the business open late for me, cuz I'm special. wink. She's gonna give me the full treatment, and pamper me.
When I called her earlier this afternoon, she said that she's been wondering for months now where I've been. She always cuts my hair for a really reduced rate, but even with that, I don't go all that often cuz I don't have money to be splurging on stuff like haircuts. My hair is way too thick and needs thinning to get thru the August heat. I'm not sure if I'm going with a chin length cut, or if I will continue to let it grow. It's just now getting to the length that allows me to put it up. I'd planned to let it grow, and have been doing just that for about six months or so. But now? I'm not quite sure. One thing I can tell you for sure, I won't be caving to the shaving. grin.
My mother called earlier today and she may be able to get here during Sept. She wants me to come out there, but understands that that particular environment would not be relaxing or healing. Particularly since she's find it a bit frazzling herself. I've not seen her since last November, so I'm really looking forward to a nice visit with her. I've got a ton of crocheted hats for donation for her to take with her (for the Children's Hospital in Little Rock). I've made three shawls for her. And a wide variety of smaller items, like dish clothes, hyperballic scrubbies, hotpads, etc. There are still some things to finish up, but I've time. Infact, you could say that time's on my side, yes it is.
A long time friend of 22 yrs, Brenda (who got married in May, you might remember) and I finally were able to chat tonight. She's got lots of stuff going on, esp since the kids are trying to eek out the most they can of what remains of their summer breaks. The kids here go back next week, but in Chattanooga they go back the following week. Both her kids' birthdays are that week, and between back to school supplies and school clothes and all that, there isn't very much left for birthday presents.
I also caught up with a few other friends today. In the last three days, I've spent much more time on the phone than I have in the last three years. Everyone's been calling to check on me and make sure I'm ok. Which is very reassuring and I do so appreciate all the care and concern. This will not undo me, altho it has knocked me back a few paces.
All my sweetness, I thought, had soured, curdled, and withered but I realize that is just not true. In part, it is that very sweetness that I thought destroyed due to such overpowering events here lately, that I'm still here. My sweetness? It's strong. It sustains me.
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