cute lil butt

He just casually strolled along, in no rush. I could tell he knew I was watching his lil butt twitch, agape and s.s.s.s.tuttering as I tried to draw my friend's attention to him. "Quick," I finally spit, "turn around! Look behind you!" I jostled chairs outta my way, bumped into memom, and then he was gone. No one had seen his saucey smirk as he sauntered outta sight, taking his cute lil furry mouse butt with him. No one, but me.

I've been running a bed and breakfast lodge for extended friends and families of entire societies of mice who've settled in with me and the furrbees for the winter. This particular one probably is bragging to his buddies how he strutted past not one, but THREE aghast females. Yeah, he'll probably be scoring free drinks for weeks on that one.

There's a slightly larger emboldened free-ranger that's been scampering about across my shoes, up over the body-sack project I have ongoing (hi, nutella!!), past the ballarina bear (thanks, sweet anne!), sniffing the candle (thanks, memom!), before dodging past my box of pencils and things (waving frantically at bonny). Ranger Rick has nothing on this dude! I don't know why I lunge for the mice; it's not like I'm gonna scoop one up in my cupped hands and set him free outside. He'd just run around to the special entrance around back, and let himself in; pissed that I made him go outta his way.

And I don'wanna go pissin' off the mice.

julia sez, drink the sherry for the cook!

Memom got here yesterday late afternoon, early evening. It was dusk and the wind was picking up and she kept saying that it was too cold to be Mississippi. We got everything unpacked and put up and then we went out to eat at my favorite chinese restaurant and that was my HAPPY BIRTHDAY dinner {yea! thanks mom!}. Then we went to WalMart and got some baking supplies and came home, where we made up the bed with freshly laundered linens and quilts and got in our jammies and snuggled down. Then we kept each other up way late with chit-chat and catching up and then somewhere along the second cd of the audio book for Alice in Wonderland, I fell asleep.

This morning, before I got out of bed, mom gave me my gift bag of special birthday surprises. A corkscrew to go with the two bottles of wine she'd made me. Wine glasses to go with the corkscrew to go with the two bottles of wine she'd made me. A very special card, a batch of muddy buddy, and my very own recipe box with recipes!

Then while I cleaned and rearranged and cleaned some more, mom made breakfast of eggs and bacon with toast and we decided it was not too early for wine. While I cleaned up breakfast pans and plates, and impersonated Julia Child's tippling; mom copied over more recipes for me.

Soon we will begin baking and friends will join in. First up: triple batches of chocolate chip cookies. Can't think of a better way to spend my birthday than with love, laughter, chocolate, and wine!

yea! you let me be myself! {peter}

Family Guy cracks me up, Stewie (the baby) is the best! Every now and then, Peter (the dad) will say some funny shit. Brian (the dog) delivers some great lines with such dry wit that I end up tittering long after the scene has moved on. Cleveland (friend) is so droll, unintentionally.

My fave Stewie line: I feel right, Brian; I feel right.

memommee's comin'!!!

My mom is coming tomorrow and staying thru next week! I'm so very happy! She's gonna be here for my birthday! We will bake! Cookies and Cake! We will sew! Hats, crochet, embroider, quilt blocks, bobbins, oh! my!! We will make baskets! I will speak with exc!a!mat!on po!nts no more.

promise!

*wink*

onehundredunderonehundred and then some

This afternoon, I went to the Greater Starkville Development Partnership's artists' reception for the show "100 under 100" {100 pieces of art, priced under 100 bucks}. There were wonderful people and wonderful artwork and wonderful food. I never ever thought I would say this and those of you who know me well may be shocked! beyond endurance, but...I think I had way too much sugar and ended up tossing my plate with a few cookies {literally; there were some pfeffernuss remaining on my art deco plastic plate that were just too much powedery sugar, I mean, I coulda choked on all that dustiness}. My fave foods were the chocolate dipped strawberries and the carmel and chocolate drizzeled prezels. I am only slightly less fixated on food than I had been. Progress is pithy.

The artwork was wonderfully diverse. There were sculpture, photography, oils, acrylics, multimedia, pencil, charcoal, etc. I met some of the artists; but the most fun I'd had were with my friends' little girls. Adria takes great clean lined pictures and then sketches based on them. Since her subject material tends to be children, this makes sense. One of her sketches shows a little girl holding her hat on her head so it wouldn't blow away while she is looking down while skipping across a puddle. That little girl is now nine and not so lil anymore. Another was of lil tiny feet with corn pebble toes sticking out from under a blanket. The feet {and toes} belong to me lil'est friend (showcased in many entries here) who is now not the baby with the tiny toes, but is four (and a half, mizz debRAH).

One artist had such cool perspective that it was great to sit and talk with her. She uses her kittens as her inspiration for her pen work. Of special note was one piece drawn as tho from a mouse's perspective, looking out her home's hole at the portion of the cat's face and eye while Kittye sat waiting for the mouse to venture too close, within paw's reach.

But my fave was a grouping of work by a woman (who was not present) whose name I've forgotten {sigh. i think it was jeanette, or janette, lorman, or norman. ratz} but whose subject matter included some of my favorite objects: trees, leaves, tea cups, and swirls. Very simple, with lots of rich colors and wow! were they wonderful! I will get her name right, next time I'm in town. I thought I'd remember it.

musta been the sugar talking

eureka!

the webcam, i successfully installed it! wahootee-hoot

now if only i could figure out why and fix the damn problem with not being able to use it on AOL/AIM. which ya know, is sorta the purpose for a webcam. mostly i use mine to take still shots of my projects, cuz most everything i make i give away and i'd like to at least have a pic in my own file of my creations!

to tessellate...

...is not naughty; tho it certainly sounds like something that you'd flirtatiously engage in with a rather intimate partner.

It actually is the fitting together of repeated shapes to form a solid pattern. Triangles, squares, and hexagons fit nice and neat with their own shapes.

However, octagons don't fit with other octagons. They do fit with squares in the spaces left as other octagons don't have the right angles to fit into the spaces, without leaving gaps.

So, I've decided to make an afghan of large hexagons. I've already used a rose skein, which made about 20 rounds, a nice size. The finished afghan will look something like this:

i'm im'ing

Well, I finally made it to a coffee shop downtown where to my delighted surprise, I discovered yet another wunnerfullest thing about my rebuilt laptop...it has the wireless chip! So I can connect without yet another pesky ol' wire {yea! i'm all about saving the ports}. Whatta jaw-dropper, eh?

After I caught up with the proprietor (again, i apologize for letting so many months go by without coming in to read my reads and write my writes and drink my drinks and haunt my haunts; please accept my sorries! puhleeeeeeze. i beg of you {obviously, but here lately, i like stating the obvious, tis soooooooooooo reaffirming. and validating. and all that other self-talk stuff}) , I met the new barista {Andy, and he was just so very charming when called me "Miss Debra" with such respect, either I'm a great Domme, or a great Dame} and got my swe'tea wit a shot of blackberry and no ice kthanx.

Because I have dialup here at home (no digital nor broadband services are avail out here on the farm, I shit you not), I could not successfully download and install the software for the two instant messaging services I use. So since I was planning to visit with a friend and type her responses to some of her required paperwork (I type faster than I can talk, and that, my friends, is pretty damn fast) so that she won't get so confused and overwhelmed later, I thought to myself, "Self, whyn't I stop by the ol' coffee shop and download some stuff zippittee-zap fast?"

So, that's exactly what I did.

Yahoo! anci47 (cuz Anci was my name for years, and when I first signed up for Yahoo! Messenger I was working on my PhD and my student ID was dkb47, cuz dkb are my initials and i was the 47th dkb at MSU~~in hindsight, wasn't the best screenname cuz I'm not 47 nor was I born in 47 and that there 47 tends to confuse folks. but come to think of it, anci47 is a good screenname if for now other reason than it weeds out the morons. not all of them, but some)

AOL/AIM: dkb11161970 (cuz dudes, dkb are my initials and the numbers refer to my birthdate: 11/16/70. which means that this sunday i am another year older. well, that's not exactly true, cuz aging that year was gradual, like it took a whole year. not as tho it happens just all of a sudden, like POOF! ya were 37 and now, yer 38. no, what it really means is that I will have completed my 38th year and am about to embark on my 39th. and i think that is the pluperfect tense. i will have completed this coming sunday. ya just never know what sort of feats you'll find ri'icher on debra's dose)

come by and see me sometime {*wink*}

learing at the pussy

ding-ding-ding! thanks for playing along! the children's poem to which the previous post refers is Edward Lear's "The Owl and Pussycat". he's a very solemn looking man, unless he is dancing, and then let's face it, we all look a bit fey.

I

The Owl and the Pussy-cat went to sea In a beautiful pea green boat, They took some honey, and plenty of money, Wrapped up in a five pound note. The Owl looked up to the stars above, And sang to a small guitar, 'O lovely Pussy! O Pussy my love, What a beautiful Pussy you are, You are, You are! What a beautiful Pussy you are!'

II

Pussy said to the Owl, 'You elegant fowl! How charmingly sweet you sing! O let us be married! too long we have tarried: But what shall we do for a ring?' They sailed away, for a year and a day, To the land where the Bong-tree grows And there in a wood a Piggy-wig stood With a ring at the end of his nose, His nose, His nose, With a ring at the end of his nose.

III

'Dear pig, are you willing to sell for one shilling Your ring?' Said the Piggy, 'I will.' So they took it away, and were married next day By the Turkey who lives on the hill. They dined on mince, and slices of quince, Which they ate with a runcible spoon; And hand in hand, on the edge of the sand, They danced by the light of the moon, The moon, The moon, They danced by the light of the moon.

Egads! I just now discovered that The Children of the Owl and Pussy-cat starts off:

Our mother was the Pussy-cat, our father was the Owl,
And so we're partly little beasts and partly little fowl,

sharing the chucks

check it!! yournamehere shares his wit, in all its sticky goodness. {yum}

"For your birthday, your aunt gave you a maple syrup dispenser shaped like a rooster. Please write her a thank-you note: Thanks for the sticky cock."

delving in the original debra's daily dose

My friend, Brenda, whose birthday is today; had copied for me some of my old journal, the very first one I had, Debra's Daily Dose (which predates the old Debra's Dose {which is the predecessor to this one, but whose entries have been transferred and posted here}). She just sent the document to me and I was scrolling thru the old pages and dude! have I got a lil sumpin-sumpin to share with ya!! but first...

what children's poem includes these lines?

'O lovely Pussy! O Pussy my love,
What a beautiful Pussy you are, you are, you are!
What a beautiful Pussy you are!'

The eleventh hour of the eleventh day of the eleventh month...and other hours too

In addition to being Veterans' Day, today is also the birthday of two very good friends. One friend is Jacki, the pamperer of the last entry. So today, after I went to my first counseling appt since August (she's back from maternity leave); I stopped by a new coffee shop and picked up some sweet potato muffins and coffee for Jacki and me and spent the afternoon visiting with Jacki. I will most likely see her tomorrow to help her complete some paperwork (dastardly government agencies.damn.sigh.doubledamn. that'd be damn.damn.). My other friend lives about six hours away, so I don't see her often. We've known each other for over twenty years, and have managed to keep up thru lots of changes, children, drama, drugs, diagnoses, disabling conditions, dudes, and ya know, other life happenings.

My father is a Viet Vet. It's been about two years since I've seen him, as I've not been out there (waving westward) and he hasn't been here recently. Altho I don't see him, I do think of him often. He has a long history with the VA, one of love/hate I'd say. He's a proud vet, even if he's not always proud of his government's actions (of comission &/or omission).

kickin' it, southern style

Today was such a good day! Lemme tellya alllllllllll about it. mmK, first, I woke up and drove myself down to the clothing give-away at my counselor's church. You'd think since I got there at 6:35am, only five minutes past the start of the event, thaat I'd've been one of the few there. You'd think wrong. There were so many people there that I just stood in the corner for a few minutes, gawking at several not-so-subtle fights, tug-o'-wars, and hissed fits. I refuse to scrabble amongst garments (or anything else), snatching them from the claws of others. If they want the articles that badly, I concede; no contest.

Since I do have an adequate closet at the moment, I mostly went thru the dresses, skirts, and dressy things. I did find a few things that just screamed "debRAH, ohhhh, DEBraaaa...you want me, you know ya do". After chatting with a few friends who organize the bi-annual event, and holding the lovely cute baby (who was the recepient of one of my baby mats), I drove to visit my friend Jacki for the required fashion-show.

One dress that I absolutely love was surprisingly long (I'm about 5'6"ish or 5'7"ish), puddling over my shoes and making me wonder if I had eaten any Alice cakes (or was it the drink she sipped that shrunk her down?). I mean the dress was sorta hippy-ish (go ask alice, i think she'll unnerstant) and that's part of its charm that captured my attention in the first place. Also for some odd reason, my breasts were smashed, overflowing the square cut bodice in an amazingly abundant display. Perhaps the designer made this dress for a tall willowy thin no-chested woman. I got curves. But I still like the dress.

There were a few denim tops that are very cute on me and one of them goes with a long rayon dress that is summery, but I'd worn it this afternoon when Jacki and I went out to eat. Another find was a very nice wool-blend navy fitted skirt. Very sophisticated.

I also did something which I've not done before: got second-hand shoes. My feet are not tiny, but they are small, with very high arches. I have trouble finding shoes that fit. I like shoes that have a bit of a heel on them, they make my pelvis/hips and lower back feel much better (odd as that sounds). But usually, I can't find dress shoes, or sandles, or actually any sort of footwear, that allows room for my high arch to fit into the shoe/boot without being so wide or several sizes larger. SO imagine my surprise when I found a great pair of leather Naturalizer's that fit perfectly!!! wahoo!

So while I was at Jacki's, we got to talking and she remembered that the other day I'd been complaining about my upper right shoulder crimping and spasming. While I was in and out of various outfits, I'd grimaced a few times. Jacki got her oils and her pallet and discovered that my entire right side from the waist up is knotted and knurled and in spasm. Alternatively, my entire left side from the waist down is in the same condition. So after a wonderful massage, she buried me under lots of warm swaddly cuddly feather ticks and cotton sheets and I slept the blissful sleep of a happy baby.

I woke wonderfully refreshed and my day continued to be fabulous. Jacki and I went for a lovely chinese dinner, with great conversation, laughs, and fabulous friendship. She treated and I drove.

Now, I'm home, freshly showered with a hot mug of tea at hand. All the clothes are put away, the shoes are scrubbed clean and treated. It's been a great day, whatta way to spend a Saturday. Grins.

cock grease, devil's delux, swagger cream, high life, lucky tiger, and layrite

Pomades, in case you aren't a Dapper Dan Man, are so plentiful that it makes me glad that I'm a woman with fewer decisions to make about grooming products. I read recently that on average women use 25 (that's twent.tee.five) products every morning in their ablutions routine. At that astonishing news, I was once again confirming that I am not the average woman. According to that, I'd be way less than the average woman. Cuz I use toothpaste, soap, shampoo, deodorant, and...what else, nope. I think that's it. Less than a handful. So, that'd actually mean that I am way more than the average woman cuz it means that I don't need to make me over in order to be presentable to the rest of the world.

Now, I add another product to my morning or evening routine. Well, really, it's more like the "whenever i happen to think about it" routine because it's that time of year when my skin starts to suck all the moisture from the air and since the air is drier about now cuz the heater takes it all before my skin gets its fair share. In fact, the heater tends to suck all the air moisture and then robs my skin of its moisture too. So that means I gotta add moisture, besides just using a humidifier (cuz my lungs need some moisture in the air that is breathed, too).

I love Paradise Gold's Cocoa Butter Premium Cream with Shea Butter & Vitamin E and Elastin and Glycerin that is available at Walgreen's for a few bucks. My skin sucks it up and sighs before bursting into glorious song. It's thick and buttery, while being non-greasy; it has a lovely rich cocoa scent that lingers without being overpowering; and if I liked it anymore than I already do, I'd be doing some amazingly indecent sorts of things with it and then posting pictures.

Oh, right. *blush*

free yer mind...the rest will follow

En Vogue's "Giving Him Something He Can Feel" and "Free Your Mind" are two of my favorites. So I was especially delighted when they guest starred on "Don't Forget the Lyrics", singing for three fabulous charities, including St. Judes and two other children's cancer foundations. One of the things that I have always liked about this group is that the girls can be extremely down-to-earth and very modest, and yet as women are so very self-confident and sexy. I've been borrowing a page from their book these past weeks, and it's been wow'ing my peeps.

{grins} *winks*

I Wrote a Good Omelet

One of my favorite poems is Nikki Giovanni's "I Wrote a Good Omelet". See if it doesn't tickle your innards, too!

"I wrote a good omelet...and ate a hot poem...after loving you
"Buttoned my car...and drove my coat home...in the rain...after loving you
"I goed on red...and stopped on green...floating somewhere in between...being here and being there...after loving you
"I rolled my bed...turned down my hair...slightly confused but...I don't care...laid out my teeth...and gargled my gown...then I stood...and laid me down...to sleep...after loving you"

ALERT: Feed me, Seymour!

Now, I've tinkered with GOOGLE Reader over the recent years and have not been able to easily access it with reliability. I think it's cuz of my dial-up. So I had also started a FeedBlitz account so that I could get my alerts from those folks that didn't use AOL/AIM journals after the whole ad-banner debacle back a couple-few years ago. Over time, I'd forgotten I had that account cuz sometimes I don't really pay much attention to certain eMail. Oooohps.

So when all of us fled AOL/AIM journals and jumped onto the blogger/blogspot bandwagon, I poked about the service and discovered that not all the folks' new entries that I followed would show up in my dashboard. Eventually, we figured out that those employing the adult content filter were left off the dashboard all together. Damn, damn, and double damn. sigh. That means that all those adultly tart sites that I keep up with are left off the radar. Sorry, pear-dude.

There are all sorts of ways to go about fixin' this. The author can add your eMail address to their list. But they can only add ten addresses to that list and for folks that have a readership more than that, well, it'd become a pesky lil popularity contest that most of us would disdain on principle. You can subscribe to various feeds &/or other services that act as a faithful Rover without the slobber on your newsprint. You can remember to actually make the rounds, going to visit the blogs you like to follow. And I'm sure there are other options that I've not yet heard or thought of. But let's ignore those, shall we?

Which made me think of...hey! I already have an account with a service that will notify me of any new entries as they are posted! I will open my eMail's inbox and Poof! there the alerts will be. Gosh, I coulda had a V8 *slamming a virtual hand to my forehead*

Just in case ya didn't know, here is the link for FeedBlitz. It's free. It's fabulous. It's freakilicious.

Well, ok. Not freakilicious. It has no taste what so ever. And I like that.

{next up: i will change my linkees to a different shade so that ya can tell when i've activated a word instead of treating my entries like a freaking treasure hunt of sorts. or not. hint: click on the word FeedBlitz.}

'tis a nonagram comin' atcha

I thought I'd share a portion of my latest crochet piece. It only took a few hours, this evening, cuz I was tinkering about with it. Since my webcam is not working, I scanned it in and selected just a bit cuz dude! my scanner is not indefinitely large enough to show the whole thing. It's a simple pattern, using double crochet as the predominate stitch. I used thread, instead of yarn. Perhaps it will make a good washcloth, dishcloth, or even a doily of sorts.

I'm fond of this pattern and have adapted it to various sizes and yarns/threads and number of sides. I like the solidness of this versus clusters like a traditional granny square technique. Image this as a larger size, with bernat's softee chunky, and you have a wonderful baby blanket which can be spread on the floor and used as a baby mat instead. Easily washable and the perfect size/shape for an infant not yet crawling but able to push themselves up far enough to scruch about some. Since babies are popping out left and right, my friends are finding these to be just the ticket. I can usually kick them out fairly quickly and so have been making a kabillion of them all summer and fall.

This one is the focus of the last entry.

Tying myself in knotty nots

Thinking my thoughts and crocheting myself into circles, octagons, hexagons, and nonagons (which is an octagon with an oohps! {which in my case is when I've added an extra cluster of stitches at the center so now I have an extra panel} such that the shape is now nine-sided instead of the standard eight) has resulted in some rather odd notions and arriving at some conclusions which I'd been considering as alternatives instead of admitting them to be the ruling reality.

I've been slowly coming to terms with some things that I'd been letting percolate in the back of my mind, but not really letting myself directly examine. Last week, I admitted that I realize that even if Scott were to be someone that I could trust again; well, truth be told, there are so many other reasons why I would not ever want to be with him again. I was settling and I deserve so much more.

Asking myself if I could ever trust him again was the wrong question. The issue of trust is huge, yes. But even more so are all the other things to consider. Old habits die hard, and after all that time of holding myself back so that I didn't leave him too far behind; after having made all sorts of excuses and explaining reasons and giving defenses for that him...well, I realize that all those things were to talk myself into being with him. It is very hard not to continue to pull out all those explanations and excuses I've made for him and not buy into them myself anymore.

Cuz let's face it, there is no reason for me to do that. There never was.

It's taken me some time to get there, but it is a very obvious conclusion that just smacks me about the head. Repeatedly. The best part is that I'm getting there, to that realization, on my own. So it's not like I feel like someone else is persuading me.

Realizing that for myself, admitting that allows me to let go.

Which brings me to the next point, which is seeing me as me and not defining myself as fulfilling a supporting role. There is lots to see and lots I don't know about me and some discoveries to make. There are lots of unknowns and it can be overwhelming, and scary; but also very exhilerating and freeing. Not holding myself back so that I don't outshine and outsmart him is so very liberating.

While coming to terms with what is not is not quite the same as coming to terms with what is; I do feel that I am less constrained. Now, I can breathe.

Thanks for being so accepting, supportive, encouraging, and understanding as I continue to go thru this transitioning from who I tried to be for someone who never deserved me to being me.

proud november baby

since 1970

donkeys...

...the official asscot!

from my newbie post in the "book chat" group on Shelfari

newbie, me!

hi! i recently discovered shelfari and am glad to be here! i do not remember a time when i didn't read, altho i'm sure i was not born doing so. as a child, i'd read the cereal boxes, aloud. i'd read the road signs, aloud. i'd read ev.ree.thing, aloud. mom eventually got me to understand that she'd trust that i really could read, and didn't have to read aloud to convince her. i do love to reread certain books, and i don't really own as many books as i'd like to (but then again, who does?). i don't really understand how it is that someone could not like to read, altho i do know quite a few folk that fit that bill. bookmarks? well, it depends on what i'm reading and where. sometimes i use greeting cards or postcards that friends have sent to me. for awhile i used wallpaper strips, but some of those have gummy adhesive and that's not a great idea when paper is involved. sometimes i use the public library's check out list of due dates. there is a book of quotations that i have on the washer, in the bathroom, and i've been using a sheet of toilet paper (unused of course, cuz ewwwwww). i read everywhere. i used to read while commuting, but eventually i stopped doing that cuz it scared my passengers. grins, debra

do yer duty!

Whilst visiting with my Friend and her girls, and some other friends, we adults got to talking about tomorrow's vote. The general consensus seemed to be: can't wait til the damn day is over and the relentless campaigning goes away, dammit. One rather self-important man was waxing about how we all each and ev'er one of us'ns ought to do our duty and get out there and vote, after all it's a gawdah given right. I was actually beginning to hear extremely patriotic music as his speech began to take on the thundering proportions that only the self-righteous can manage to carry off with such penache; when all of a sudden a lil four (and a half, mizz debRAH) voice piped up, "do yer doody? why's that man talkin' bout poop, mama?"

Why, indeed!

where my stitches be at

My webcam is not currently working, so I am unable to take a pic and show you the loveliness that these here lil hands hath wrought. But I can describe the rather humorous cat-fight resulting from my presentation of a huge queen-sized {that'd be queen sized mattress, not a slight regarding anyone's size...cuz tho they be queens, they be svelte} octagonal deep dark purple with light soft lavendar trim afghan, but I won't.

Let's just say that I was feeling the love.

me & my mantourage

Yeah, so I've always felt that certain men put me on a pedestal {in order to gawk up my skirts} and today I received confirmation that indeed, I do have the power! Fellowette bloggeire Kathy over at Flamingo Row sent me an audio card with the righteous message and strong beat along with lovely soothing chamomile tea and a very special issue of Crochet Today. And best of all, she sent this for no particular reason other than I rock!

And sometimes roll right off the pedestal.

Thanks so very much, Kathy; you the woo-wooman!

shelFARi

Oh, blame it on Nutella, tis all her fault. She introduced me to Shelfari and that was days ago. I've been going thru my bookshelf here next to my computer, and then going thru my leaky memory, and then going thru a posted list and then...well, I may have been going overboard with it, but if you go peak at Shelfari, you might fall in love too.

Currently listening to....

...The Yiddish Policemen's Union by Michael Chabon is keeping my mind a bit occupied whilst I finish crocheting this purple octagon throw. If I get my webcam successfully installed, I'll post pix. Don't hold your breath tho, cuz installing my webcam thus far? No joy.

Diggin' the digs

I've been toodeling about, playing around with this here new home of mine. There are some features which I really really like, some I really like, some I like, and some I don't. With that in mind, I will share with you some of my findings over the next several entries, or days, or weeks, or what not. Some may be blatantly obvious, some may be uberkewl, some may be relevant or not. Hopefully it will be useful and barring that, just a bit funny.

Of those features I don't like is the fact that I'm not able to read the updated posts in my dashboard of all those I follow. I had thought that was because some of them have enacted the adult content filter. But Mary Jo {*blowing kisses*, hiya, nutella!!}, over there From the Edge of Dementia, recently removed the adult content filter and has posted several entries since; but I'm still not getting the updated entries on my dashboard.

So, I asked her to add my address to her list so that I receive her entries in my eMail as she publishes. The only problem with that solution is that there is a ten address limit. I wonder if anyone else is not receiving notices of new posts on their dashboards. Lemme know what you think!

colder than a witches's titmouse

Damn, but I wish my webcam worked cuz dude! I'm all bundled up, complete with my double-brimmed thick fuzzy pinkish hat with lots of various dreds, including the condom I knit last year. You'd think I was nanook of the north instead of a whiner living in Mississippi. Some of you may remember The Hat, and yes, the condom is a thick fuzzy pinkish ... well, let's just say that it blends. Oh how picturesque.

This evening, I was visiting with the Vs and some other Friends, including my lil'est one, who just tickles me pinkish. She is now four (and a half, Mizz DebRAH) and is in the hilarious story telling phase when not much of the story makes sense but she is laughing hysterically and that in itself is rather infectious. Whatta card. One of the best things tho is how she greets me with enthusiastic squeals, huge grins, and flings herself at me (trusting that I will catch her, always). She makes even my worst days feel better. Case in point, three days after this whole thing with Shitt hit the fan back in July, I had stopped to see my friend (the lil'st's mother). I was in tears and my friend had yet to learn what happened or why I was a complete wreck. I didn't want to upset the girls, so I stayed out on the front porch; however, my lil'est friend came out, with a solemn face and wrapped her arms around my legs and smooshed her face into my waist and held on tightly. I gave her a big hug and she whispered, "Mizz DebRAH, be better" and gave me the be-better kiss on my chin. Even tho my heart was hurting, my lips lifted in a smile, cuz compassion comes in all sizes.

Well, tonight, when I got home from the Vs, several surprises awaited. First, Bonnie from Rochester (about whom I wrote yesterday) had sent a package and wow! there it was!! I have yet to open it, but I am certain it holds furrbee treats!! Second, my door's fixed! Yea! This meant that I could actually use my front door to come into the house instead of stumbling around back and struggling with the back door, in the process falling off the landing and bruising various parts of my person like a drunken sailor listing to port. Thirdly, the IRS had sent a lovely letter which at first put the fear of God into my cold lil heart, til I realized that Dude! all they want is a minor form relating to the whole stimulus check thing from a ways back. My cold lil heart thawed and actually began to sing hosannas.

and Yes, dammit, it is cold. By anyone's standards. Let alone by Mississippians'.

Be better, babies.

g'day, eh?

Thursday the postal dude came whilst I was showering so he left the peach pick-up slip in the box and bright and early on Friday I was at the post office, giddily receiving my gift which was bubble wrapped in layers with additional padding and came to me in a clever disguised box that advertised Great Value Spring Water {three (3) one (1) gallon jugs}. Friday afternoon was spent gawking, examining, poking, opening, attaching, etc all manner of software and hardware and other lovely features that my newst gift of a laptop contains. There are some wonderfully familiar features and some I'd not seen before. I've been taking my time and being very careful checking out the new stuff.

Over all, LUV.IT. There are doos and dads and thingies and mah-jiggies and ooohs and aaahs aplenty! It's like my birthday and christmas {for the next five years} all rolled into one.

The only difficulty I have at this moment (and for the last several days) is successfully downloading software and installing hardware. I'm sure that I will unravel that snag tho. So no major worries, just yet.

Today, I did manage to install my copier/printer/scanner; rearrange and edit my account with photobucket; and change the layout, format, color scheme, and such on blogger. Yesterday, I did visit some folks at their new diggs and catch up on my eMail. Hopefully, within the next few days, I will be able to make the rest of my delayed rounds and also install my webcam, download messenger, and such.

In the mail yesterday, a warmly wonderful woman who has made brief appearances in my writings in the past had sent me a rather substantial money order and a lovely card of thanks featuring Pooh-Bear. Bonnie is one of the women for whom I made several hats last winter, so you may remember her from then. Or you may be familiar with the journals that her husband Walt had maintained. Walt always wrote as tho it were both he and she sharing and would often read aloud to Bonnie items of interest. Bonnie doesn't use the computer, but has many friends thru the online world Walt visited often. Walt died last year, and is sorely missed by many. Bonnie has continued to be a great friend thru regular mail and lately via telephone {as many of you know, for the better part of five years I avoided interaction via telephone, setting the ringer in the off position on a permanent basis...however, a few months ago, I began to use the phone more often and am now able to leave the ringer on most times}. Bonnie is my furrbees fairae godmother, sending treats and such for them on a regular basis. She is an amazingly compassionate and caring woman who is so very giving and to whom I owe a great many thanks and much appreciation.

I've been so very fortunate in friendships such as this!

farewell, flpl; welcome, from my home on the farm

Hello, my peoples!!

I am typing this from my home, my new gift is wonderful! I haven't yet checked everything out with it just yet, but I have discovered some features such as twice as many USB ports as I'd had, along with built-in microphone, a wide range of ports and devices for dvds, cds, disks, etc. wahoo! perhaps one of the coolest things I can think of at the moment is the Mobile BackUp External Data Storage. Basically that is my ole hard drive from the original Debra's Gift {my gateway laptop that died within these last few weeks} encased in a carrying case and made accessible thru the use of additional USB cables (so those extra USB ports are put to good use). So basically, it's like two computers in one! I can access everything that was on my original gift because I have my harddrive from that laptop too! So, all my documents, software, programs, etc. is right here {I'm pointing to my right. Here.}

I've got lots and lots to learn and explore and set and do and and and....wahoo!!

So for those of you who've been waiting for eMails, entries, etc from me in response to your eMails, comments, posts, etc; I'll be getting to you soon!! grins, debra

squeals, giggles, chortles, and chucks

Well, once again I am here, at the FLPL. However, this may be the last time I will be without the option of using my own computer as it is homeward bound and due perhaps tomorrow or more likely Friday. Or ya know, Saturday. Or, as much as it pains me to say, it could even be Monday. But let's all hope for tomorrow, shall we?

Yes! we shall!!

I'm absolutely ecstatic about the new and improved "Debra's Gift" (which is what I had called my original laptop cuz it was a gift to me, a huge gift, a meaningful gift, a gift of such import that I cannot fully describe my state of anguish when I didn't have access to my lovely Gift). I can hardly stand myself at the moment. Well, actually for the better part of a week now, I have been grinning manically while singing like a spoilt-child, and skipping along, swinging my bookbag (cuz of the visits to the FLPL, dudes!) like a school-girl. At any given moment, you might hear me burst into giggles and see me spinning like a whirling dervish (ya know, without the cool highhat and flowing robes).

Like I said, I can hardly stand my giddy self.

Those of you who have left comments, followed me, or are leading me astray; please know that I will begin to catch up when I have my own laptop in the next few days. Also, I will explain what NaNoWriMo means to me and all the other doings and goings on. Toodles for now!

Here, There, & Elsewhere

I've not been posting much this past month, and what posts I've entered have all seemed remarkably similar. However, I do think that toward the end of the week, I will be slipping back into my comfy routine and once again will be back to posting more frequently.

Or not.

Cuz in addition to this whole disappearing act over there in j-land, and figuring out all the newness of here in blogspot; I also just remembered that November follows October and that means that NaNoWriMo is just around the corner. More on that funky nomenclature later. For now, I must flee the local public library before my ass melds to the seat and my fingers fuse with the keyboard.

Good Day, Sunshine

Today has been a very good day. I started with a shredded tire but along came a knight in a white truck who changed it for me and got me on the road in enough time to make my appointment. Two weeks ago, while changing a different tire, I sliced my finger open and jam crammed it with all sorts of gunk, grease, dirt, dust, rubber, metal, and dog pee. It's about healed up now, but it was a bitch to clean and the dudette doc was amazed that it took her almost an hour to scrub it out. So yeah, I was pretty damn pleased when I saw the dude in the white truck.

Then, I met with some old friends whom I've not seen for awhile now. We got all caught up and time zoomed past and before we knew it, our breakfast meeting turned into a luncheon. Eventually, I tore myself away and went to the tire dude's so that he could take the small lil donut tire off and put the spare regular tire on that I usually keep on hand in the trunk. The reason I didn't ask the White Truck Dude to put the spare regular on was cuz it needed air and I didn't fancy having a matching set of shredded tires, ya know how I can be.

The Tire Dude, who is also my all around Car Dude, fixin' most any problem my fifteen year old car can have, got me all set to rights and wanna guess how much it cost me? No, really, go on, guess. Wrong! One Buck. One. O.N.E. one.

Gosh, it's been a good day.

grins.

hey! pardon me, i'm pickin' flowers here

well, here i am, at the local public library, but the end is in sight! i just found out last night that mom will be picking up my computer monday!! my computer, it died. but! mom is helping me get a new one with my old drive as an accessory! yea!!!! i'm delirious and just can't hardly stand myself. wahootee-hoot!

in a bit, i will walk uptown and to the second annual johnny cash fest (hey, pardon me, i'm pickin' flowers here). the story goes that he played in a concert here, in starkville, years and years back and then, decided to pick some flowers from someone's yard. he was arrested and jailed for it. so now, there is a call for pardon for his offense of pickin flowers.

Johnny Cash's "Starkville City Jail"
Well, I left my motel room, down at the Starkville Motel,
The town had gone to sleep and I was feelin' fairly well.
I strolled along the sidewalk 'neath the sweet magnolia trees;
I was whistlin', pickin' flowers, swayin' in the southern breeze.
I found myself surrounded; one policeman said: "That's him.
Come along, wild flower child. Don't you know that it's two a.m."
They're bound to get you.
'Cause they got a curfew.
And you go to the Starkville City jail.
Well, they threw me in the car and started driving into town;
I said: "What the hell did I do?" He said: "Shut up and sit down."
Well, they emptied out my pockets, took my pills and guitar picks
.I said: "Wait, my name is..." "Awe shut up." Well, I sure was in a fix.
The sergeant put me in a cell, then he went home for the night;
I said: "Come back here, you so and so; I ain't bein' treated right."
Well, they're bound to get you,
cause they got a curfew,
And you go to the Starkville City Jail.
I started pacin' back and forth, and now and then I'd yell,
And kick my forty dollar shoes against the steel floor of my cell.
I'd walk awhile and kick awhile, and all night nobody came.
Then I sadly remembered that they didn't even take my name.
At 8 a.m. they let me out. I said: "Gimme them things of mine!"
They gave me a sneer and a guitar pick, and a yellow dandelion.
They're bound to get you,
'cause they got a curfew,
And you go to the Starkville City Jail.

hi! hi! hi! hi! hi! 'tis me!

ssssssssttttttrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeetching...ahhhh!

transferring was lots easier than i'd thought (uhm, feared) it might be. yea!!! now, if only my laptop were to be fixed so easily. i can hope, can't i?

i'm getting a tad tired of the ol' flpl (friggen local public library, to the newbies!) but ya do whatcha gotta do.

i'm currently listening to "misquoting jesus"; currently reading "natural history of latin"; currently crocheting four baby mats/blankets (in various locations, so i can work on them no matter where i am); and watching an assortment of Gilbert and Sullivan's operas (aaaaaaaaahhh!!).

must go now. been on the public computer too long, i think. ta-ta

the meaning of it all

The weather here is lovely, one last summer splash before the fall flings itself with abandon from the trees, across the fields, down the hills, and along the winding dusting roads.  All last week and this, we've had temps in the 80s with low humidity so it actually feels pleasant and an occassional breeze refreshes and brings smiles to all of our faces.  My furrbees are loving it, they are napping in the afternoon sun and romping thru the yard in the evenings.  Nights are reserved for howling with the nocturnal critters in the light of the full moon.

I've been reading "The Natural History of Latin" while reviewing my old Latin texts.  Crocheting baby blankets/mats and tiny dresses for my Lil'est Friend's doll while listening to "The Meaning of Night" (an unusually long tale involving mid-1800's customs of English gentry, with plots of deceit, revenge, and mystery; as well as sub-plots of twists of fate).  I've been watching BBC's and A&E's VHS tapes on loan from (wait for it) the local public library {wink}.  Last night, I'd finished the Elizabeth R series with Glenda Jackson as uhm, Elizabeth.

No doubt I'll borrow a few more video and audio whilst here at the FLPL.  I'm on disk 13 of 19 of "The Meaning of Night".  But I think it won't be long before I'm thru with it as the plots have all thickened and are converging now in rather meaningful ways that are spellbinding.  I had to leave in the middle of this latest turn of events, so that I can visit a friend who is visiting for a brief time on her way thru from Shreveport, La to Huntsville, Al.  So 'b'bye' for now!

i say, "hello"

Well, it seems for the past month all I've written has either focused on the LapTop Saga or the journal transfer.  I feel like we are on the Titanic.  We know the ship is going down but the rescue boats seem inadequat.

I've been crocheting up a storm while watching movies on loan from the library &/or listening to audio books (also on loan from the library).  Last week, I sent the shawl/arm warmers/hat/net bag combo to my dear friend in Minnesota.  This week, I'm working on baby blankets/mats for several folks.  Babies are just popping out everywhere!!

I've also been using the phone way more than I have in years and years.  And years.  I do need to work on my phone etiquette some.  Cuz when it's time to go, it's time to go and I don't waste words or minutes saying "goodbye".

Goodbye.

mudd blogging

I see that AOL has partnered with Blogger to offer easy transfer of entire entries complete with comments to the Google-based blog service.  Or at least that's the idea.  Have any of you done that, a smooth transfer of files?  Was it really as simple as AOL makes it sound?

Soon it will be time for me to go mucking about.  I'm of a mind to hold out til I get my computer back, or at least wait til next week and have an idea when I'll get my baby back.  But I also realize that I gotta make a move cuz time, time, tick, tick, ticking away.

tracking the computer in the ongoing saga

Well, mom received my computer yesterday; which means today or next Tuesday, she will take it to the Dude to see what he can do.  At least that's the plan, it really depends on if he has the time now to do it or if he is backed up.  If he does have the time and is willing to take a gander, I may get it back relatively quickly (which would mean before the end of the month, with time to spare).  Depends on how much damage Earl did.

so that's that.

hey, guess where i am?!? {you got it! flpl.sigh)

This morning I went to see my GP for lots of lil things that are all taken care of now; expect the flu-shot, cuz they won't get that for another couple-few weeks.  Last night, I boxed up my computer with lots of padding and later today, I will visit the post-office and send it yonder to memom to see what she can see.  Mom has a guy in mind, who looked at their's before, so she feels pretty comfortable and is reasonably confident in his abilities and ethics.  So ya know, there is hope that I may get my computer back in zippy PRESTO! shape some day before the end of the year or the end of the decade.

I have this poem on procrastination.  I'll post it.  Perhaps tomorrow, or next week.  Or ya know, some time in the future.  Maybe.

{winks.grins}

The Friggen Local Public Library.SCREECH.

hear that "whump.whump.whump"ing sound?  that's me banging my head.  repeatedly.

long story somewhat shorter, i have my computer.  it is in much worse shape now than when i took it in.  i'd go on about it, but i'm tired of sobbing.

especially in the FLPL.

uhm, hi...? (from the local public library) onct again

Yesterday was quite the day, so lemme tell ya about some of it.  I had a bad night, Wed and Thursday started with me feeling off and not too pleasant.  My friend from this area called me to tell me that the assistant at the computer-dude's place was there and so I left my place to drive in to meet her there and such.  She has contacts and they have their fingers on the pulses of the community so she knew some stuff that I did not and wouldn't have any way to discover other than what I did (which was to contact her and ask her to put the feelers out, which she did, and rather effectively).

But on my drive in to town I had a flat.  Then I sliced my finger open on the inside edge of the hubcap while I was removing the cap from the air-stem.  The cut was deep and semi-circular and packed with grim, grit, grease, metal burrs, rubber, dirt, dust, and dog pee (dogs love tires, peeing on tires is dogs' favorite!!).

I taped some papertowels around my finger and finished what I had to do to get back on the road.  Then I drove to meet my friend at computer-dude's.  Long story somewhat shorter, I may get my computer back tomorrow, or Monday.  I'll actually believe that when it is actually in my possession.

Since a rather large confrontation (albiet very effective) occured and since I was already feeling poorly; I had a huge panic attack complete with hyperventilating, tears, sweat, blood, trembling, exploding pulses, and a throbbing headache that combined to create conditions that wore me out.  I didn't think driving was a good option at the time and so my dear friend took care of me for the rest of the afternoon.  Yeah, I'm that much fun!

We went to get my hair cut because I'd been playing hit/miss with my hair-lady (I love her!  she knows my head better than i do and still loves me anyway).  Getting my hair done always makes me feel better and my hair-lady helped me calm down and relax cuz it was very good for me to focus on lovelier things like the fact that my hair-lady is pregnant and she moved the wedding up from next summer to my birthday!!  {November 16:  see my screen id  11 16 1970}

Then, my friend and I went to my gp's to see if she could clean out my finger, cuz I simply knew that I wouldn't be able to do so effectively and my friend would stop if she thought she was hurting me.  My gp's office was closed so we went to the ER and I was ushered into a room complete with a wonderful nurse practitioner who tsk'd tsk'd and then said that she had never seen such a small wound so packed with crappy crud.  It took 45 minutes of continuous abrading to clean the majority of it and still she could not get it all.  I urged amputation at the elbow but she didn't feel like it so we ruled that option out.

After all that, I was exhausted and my friend dropped me off at my car and I drove home where I placed a few calls {HI, Kathy!!!  HI, memom!!} before watching the Damn Debate.  Afterwards, I watched "Moonstruck" which I'd never seen before and read some before fleeing to the arms of morphus.

So that was my day yesterday.  I hope to soon have my computer back, tho it may or may not be fixed.  At this point, I just want the damn thing back to me in all the pieces and parts in the right places.  More on all that later.  Perhaps this will be the last Local Public Library entry.

Hope all youse guys have a great weekend!

Sharing: A Day in the Life of Joe Republican {thanks, memom!}

Joe gets up at 6am and fills his coffee pot with water to get his day started.  The water is clean and good because some tree-hugging liberal fought for minimum water-quality standards  While waiting for the coffee to brew, he takes his daily medications; which are safe because some stupid commie liberal fought to ensure their safety and that they work as advertised.  All but $10 of his meds are paid for by his employer's medical plan because some liberal union workers fought their employers for paid medical insurance, so now Joe benefits from that too.

He prepares his breakfast of bacon and eggs.  The bacon is safe to eat because some girly-man liberal fought for laws to regulate the meat packing industry.  Oh those liberal bleeding hearts!

In the morning shower, Joe reaches for his shampoo.  His bottle is now properly labeled with each ingredient and its amount in the total contents cuz some crybaby liberal fought for his right to know what he is putting on his body and how much it contains.  Those dratted liberal bastards.

Joe dresses, walks outside, and takes a deep breath.  The air he breathes is clean because some environmentalist wacko liberal fought for the laws to stop industries from polluting our air.  Those interferring liberals.

He walks on the government-provided sidewalk to the subway station for his government-subsidized ride to work.  It saves him considerable money in parking and transportation fees because some fancy-pants liberal fought for affordable public transportation, which gives everyone the opportunity to be a contributor.

Joe begins his work day.  He has a good job with excellent pay, medical benefits, retirement, paid holidays, and vacation because some lazy liberal union members fought and died for these working standards.  Joe's employer pays these standards because his employer doesn't want his employees to call the union.  If Joe is hurt on the job or becomes unemployed, he'll get a worker compensation or unemployment check because some stupid liberal didn't think he should lose his home because of his temporary misfortune.

It is noontime and Joe needs to make a bank deposit so he can pay some bills.  Joe's deposit is federally insured by the FSLIC because some godless liberal wanted to protect Joe's money from unscrupulous bankers who ruined the banking system before the Great Depression.  Oh, the very nerve of those do-gooders!

Joe has to pay his Fannie-Mae underwritten mortgage and his below-market federal student loan because some elitist liberal decided that Joe and the government would be better off if he was educated and earned more money over his lifetime.  Joe also forgets that in addition to his federally subsidized loans, he attended a state-funded university.  Will the benefits just never end!?!

Joe is now home from work.  He plans to visit his father this evening at his farm home in the country.  He gets in his car for the drive.  His car is among the safest in the world because some America-hating liberal fought for car safety standards to go along with the tax-payer funded roads.

He arrives at his boyhood home.  His is the third generation to live in the house financed by Farmers' Home Administration because bankers did not want to make rural loans.  The house didn't have electricity until some big-government liberal stuck his nose in where it didn't belong and demanded rural electrification.

Joe is happy to see his father, who is now retired.  His father lives on Social Security and a union pension because some wine-drinking, cheese-eating liberal made sure he could take care of himself so that Joe wouldn't have to.

Joe gets back in his car for the ride home and turns on the radio talk show.  The radio host keeps saying that liberals are bad and conservatives are good.  He doesn't mention that the beloved Republicans have fought against every protection and benefit that Joe enjoys throughout his day.  Joe agrees, "We don't need those big-government liberals ruining our lives!  After all, I'm a self-made man who believes everyone should take care of themselves, just like I have."

week two at the public library

well, currently i've still not had any response regarding my laptop and now my understanding has worn thin.  so has my amusement.  no more sighs, no more winks, no more grins.

as far as journalling goes, i may have to go visit my friend with my flash drive and set up another blog elsewhere, save my entries etc etc.  but at this point, i'm not in a huge rush because it'd just be best to know i have options at this point.

my eMail address:  dkb1116@peoplepc.com

since i am using the library at this time and do not have my own laptop, i can't bookmark anything.  so please drop me a line with your new journal's address!

thanks so much, debra

difference between 2 days and 2 weeks

hi.

sigh.

from the local public library.

again.

soon.

i hope.

sigh.

 

chuckling in my cuff

sharing the chucks {thanks, brenda!}

How many women with PMS does it take to change a light bulb?

Woman's Answer:  One!  ONLY ONE!!!!  And do you know WHY?  Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb!  They don't even know that the bulb is BURNED OUT!!  They would sit in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it out.
And, once they figured it out, they wouldn't be able to find the light bulbs despite the fact that they've been in the SAME CABINET for the past 17 YEARS!  But if they did, by some miracle of God, actually find them, 2 DAYS LATER, the chair they dragged to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!!!!!  AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE WRAPPER THE LIGHT BULBS CAME IN!!!  BECAUSE NO ONE EVER PICKS UP ANYTHING AROUND HERE OR CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!!!!  IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE A FOOT DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE!!  IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS PLACE!  AND DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON WHO CHANGES THE TOILET PAPER ROLL !! 

 

I'm sorry. What was the question?

 

 

and here it is thursday

hello from the local public library, again. sigh.

i called the computer-dude and there was no answer this morning. sigh.

then i met a friend in town for lunch and a chat.  grin.

then i drove to the computer-dude's place of business and they were closed this afternoon.  sigh.

this is getting to be a bit problematic.

so, uhm, "hello" from the library's public computer.

argen fargen.

sigh.

flippin fracken.

from the public library

dudes!  it's been so long, how've ya been; whatcha doin'; what's new; and all that other good stuffs {wink}.

Last week's Monday, MeMom came for a week's visit and it was such a good one, too!  I've not seen her since last November, so we yammered and chatted and got all caught up.  Stellar visit!  She drove back to her home yesterday's Monday, so that's it til next time.

On Tuesday (last week's Tuesday that'd be), we took my computer to have it fixed.  He took it apart while we were there and ewwwwwwwwww the filthy fuzz made me ashamed of my housekeeping skillz {i don't have them}.  He said that actually my computer was one of the cleanest he's ever seen.  So, ya know, take the proud moments where ya can get em!

So the guy said that it'd be ready Thursday.  So I called Thursday and he said that it'd be ready Monday.  So I called Monday and he said uhmm, Thursday...?  So I think I'll just go see him on Thursday.  What makes me a bit nervous is that as time goes by, folks tend to forget where all the tiny pieces go, ya know?

So, "hello" from the local public library {where I hafta wear pants, sigh, that is if i want to return evah agin}.  I hope to return to the journal by the end of the week.  If you've been posting and not getting any comments from me, ya will...my eMail's piled high with alerts.

Hope all's well with all youse guys {grin}.

don't never use no negatives, no?

some folks love my logic and others plead confusion, at any rate, i usually know what i mean to say as well as knowing of what i speak.  which ya know are two very different things.  i wish more folks would say what they mean, and mean what they say, more often.

is that such a difficult thing to ask?

OH! she'll be cominroundthemountain when she comes (when she comes)

MeMom is coming to visit me!  She'll be here Monday, late afternoon, early evening.  She's driving in from the other side of Arkansas, so it's about a solid 8 hour drive without potty breaks, leg stretches, gas refills, and the like.  I'm just so damn excited I'll wear myself out before she even gets here!  I have a few projects that I want to finish before she gets here (or ya know, barring that, before she leaves again).

So I may be scant over the weekend with entries and may not post at all while she is here next week (I don't know how long she will be staying).  I'm alright, just ya know, letting life intervene and take precedence over any self-held obligation to continue writing/thinking in this format.  Between getting ready for her visit, then her visit, and my computer glitches; I may be scantily here (that'd be a sight to see!).

Hope your mid-September is positive, too!

Love, exclusively mine...?

quick!  post the entry before ya lose power!

i noticed that a comment i left {raven, sorry} was posted twice, five minutes apart.  that'd be related to me, my computer flukes, and my dial-up.  oohps.

last night, i boiled a partial packet of angel hair pasta that i found deep in my cupboard of beans.  i mixed in some raw spinach (which slightly wilted from the heat of the pasta), some grape tomatoes, and then poured over it a mixture of sauteed mushrooms and a sliced jalapeno.  it was very good, and i had left-overs so i can enjoy it today too.

i've been reading "Necessary Losses" by Judith Viorst (mentioned that some entries back) which focuses on "the loves, illusions, dependencies, and impossible expectations that all of us have to give up in order to grow".  I can understand most of what I've read, even if some of the Freudian concepts are just a bit too much for me to get behind.  However, this poem by W.H.Auden cut me to the quick:

For the error bred in the bone
Of each woman and each man
Craves what it cannot have,
Not universal love
But to be loved alone.

french heir and lice

We all do this, I'm sure.  Attempt to say two words at one or say something that isn't exactly what ya meant, close but not so.  I've been doing that lots within the past month.  Usually it's pretty funny.

Like when I told the doctor that she looked very lice.  I was saying lovely and nice at the same time and it came out like she had pests.  Not the most wonderful thing to do when she's the psychiatrist.  With a pen in hand.  And your chart open to today's visit.

Earlier today, I was attempting to say that I needed to get some fresh air.  It came out like I'm horny for royalty.  I solemnly noted that I needed to get some french heir.

Spoonerisms and Freudian slips?  Perhaps.  I think in most cases I grab a word that is filed in the same general area in my brain.  Like when I ask for ketchup when I mean mustard.  Or say that I'm trying to find my lock when I mean that I'm trying to find my keys.

I'm rather well known for attempting to speak coherently when I'm still fuzzy-brained with sleep.  Like when I insist that I need my thing to catch the stuff while gesturing stridently.  That incident happened when I was about ten and has provided much amusement for my family over the years.  I fell asleep in front of the TV while a baseball game was on and was awoken rather abruptly so was not quite awake and wanted my glove (which I did not have in reality but did in my dream state).

Sometimes I know that I am having problem accessing the right words, and this makes me more frustrated because I know what I want to say...I just am not linking correctly and am not communicating clearly or effectively.  Other times, a jumbled word will tumble out of me and I'll catch it right away and can easily explain why I said mass instead of mug or glass.  But most of the time, I communicate rather well.

I thow.

no excuses

Last night, I did something I am so not proud of.  And of course, I'm sharing it when instead I could be sitting nice and pretty and keeping my mouth shut.  Well, last night, I should have kept my mouth shut.  sigh.

Instead, I left a score of messages (ok, that is a slight exaggeration, it wasn't twenty; it just feels like it) on my ex-guy's cell phone.  cringe.  I was hateful and hurtful.  I mean, I was completely full of hurt and full of hate and feeling righteous rage; which all overflowed and spewed forth in a very ugly display of all sorts of feelings.

Feelings are fine, but unfortunately, I let loose and acted on those rather toxic feelings.  I'm deeply ashamed and this morning, first thing, I did call and apologize.  I regret having been so low and ugly.

What I said, I meant, yes.  That is still no excuse for having said all that in the first place, especially in the manner which I did so.  My sincere apologies were/are expressed.  I realize tho that that does not excuse the actions I committed.

I'm very sorry for having been so ugly, hateful, hurtful, and low.  'Twasn't my finest hour(s).  I take full responsibility for my actions.

No excuses.

"excellent! let's make some lsd"

Ya just gotta know that any script with that line in it will probably be on the Fringe.

The much taunted new series debuts tonight.  In fact, its first episode is half finished, or half started (depends on your view).  She just entered suspension.

Breathless.

Dawning Darkly

Today dawned darkly.  Remaining overcast throughout the day, the skies sometimes drizzled and sometimes poured down with righteous rage.  I stayed in, rather than venture forth and risk the wrath.

I spent much of the day drinking tea and reading John Lescroart.  I've finished a few of his books but still have two more that I borrowed from our local public library.  I think I may have to renew them as I am not up to speed with my reading.

Last night, I picked up a crochet hook for the first time in over a month and began a new project that was not even on my queue.  It's to be a shawl for the lovely Miss Amazing (I really do call her that and have addressed eMail and regular snail mail since the very beginning in just this way!).  Since she doesn't read my journal (she knows I have one, and I've sent her entries and such, she just doesn't venture forth all that often), and since I know that you guys can keep a secret (shhhhhhhhhhhhh), and since I love giving gifts and get all excited about doing so...I'm spilling the proverbial beans!

  This is the simple shawl and I'm doing it in a soft blue for Miss Amazing.  She is very slight of frame and has dislocated her shoulder awhile back.  It never healed completely and when she gets cold, she tends to tense up, hunching her shoulders and ends up being sore for days.  Something light yet warm would help lots, so that's what I'm doing!

Since I now have a cam again, I'll take pix and post 'em as I go!

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a few thoughts to think on

"We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the life that is waiting for us."  {Joseph Campbell  }

All human sin seems so much worse in its consequences than in its intentions.
Reinhold Niebuhr

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
Reinhold Niebuhr

thankyou, thankew, thakew

Today, I ran a few errands, including picking up my monthly allotment of medications.  When I got home, I looked at the print-outs which lists the retail prices as well as the cost to me.  And o.m.f.g, am I ever glad that my insurance covers most of the retail cost of my meds.  Cuz what I paid thirteen bucks for?

about nine hundred dollars worth of meds.

nine.hundred.dollars

truer words never spoken

Life is an adventure of huge proportions and not for the faint of heart.  {i'm not sure to whom to attribute this.}

just a reminder

”We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.”  {albert einstein}

forgives sweet

I Am Not I
{Juan Ramon Jimenez}
I am not I.
I am walking beside me
whom I do not see,
whom at times I manage to visit
and at other times manage to forget.
The one who forgives sweet when I hate,
the one who takes a walk when I am indoors,
the one who remains silent when I talk,
and the one who will remain when I die.

what would you do if you weren't afraid?

If I wasn't scared, I'd be sacred.  It's more than a matter of moving one letter two spaces.  For over a month now, I've felt like I am on the cusp of ... something.  Even when I am not allowing myself to push forth, I'm pushing myself not to be pushing forth.  It's tiring, but I can't seem to stop asserting pressure on myself in one way or the other.

Altho this whole thing with Scott and his betrayal has been extremely painful; I can acknowledge and even appreciate that being freed from the constant need to reassure him, I am able to grow at my own speed instead of holding myself back for fear that I would leave him far behind.  In many ways, I feel like I have been able to unfurl my wings and stretch them; fluttering the fragility, strengthening my own self so that I can take flight.  Part of me does mourn the loss of his presence in my life, but most of me is turning more to a forward focus.

I do hate that this devastation happened, and quite possibly it was necessary that something of this magnitude transpired in order for me to let the safety that stymied my own growth go.  Some days, the pain immobilizes me; most days, I feel raw and new, becoming more and more weathered and cured.  This process is truly a matter of growing pains, some agony may yield sparkling shine.  That is my fervent hope, that this all is not for nothing.

say g'nite debbie
{g'nite}

x.suz.ted

I just dragged my exhausted butt in after spending over eight hours with thirteen children under the age of ten.  I could have sworn there were way more than thirteen kids (is that it?) and am sure that a few times I included other kids in the count from other families, especially when we were eating.  The food disappeared as tho a swarm of locusts had descended upon us.

They were good kids tho.

Now, I am ready for a nap.  Which I almost got a few winks in when the four babies (under the age of four) were zonked out, but then I jerked fully awake when my lil friend "whispered" (this is sorta sotto voce, with lots of spit added on the breathy H's and vowels) to me that she wanted to "pick me up, UP, UUUUUUUUP".  I love her, I do.  But dude, there is not enough lap on me to cradle her just right anymore.

It was fun.  But I'm glad to be home.  Alone.

Now for that nap...

sharing the snicks onct again

Our pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for answered prayers.  A lady in our congregation stood and walked to the podium.  'I have a praise,' she said.  'Two months ago, my husband, Jim, had a terrible bicycle wreck, and his scrotum was completely crushed.  The pain was excruciating, and the doctors didn't know if they could help him.'  You could hear an audible gasp from the men in the congregation as they imagined the pain that poor Jim experienced.  She continued, 'Jim was unable to hold me or the children, and every move caused him terrible pain.  We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation.  They were able to piece together the crushed remnants and wrap wire around his scrotum to hold it in.'  Again, the men in the congregation squirmed uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery performed on Jim.  She continued, 'Now, Jim is out of the hospital and the doctors say, with time, his scrotum should recover completely.'  All the men sighed with relief.  Our pastor rose and tentatively asked if anyone else had anything to say.   A man rose and walked to the podium.  'I'm Jim,' he said, 'and I just want to tell my wife, the word is sternum.'

busy girl, bizzzzzzzzzzzzeeee

I've had some really good days of late.  And tomorrow promises to be just as good!  I'll be joining my friend and her children, along with some other homeschooling moms and their kids, at the local wildlife refuge and preservation.  We will be enjoying some presentations and such and then having a picnic and chit-chat and the fun just goes on and on and on and

moving my own damn cheese

The other day, when I was in the library, I skimmed thru Carl Jung's "The Undiscovered Self" {which focuses lots on shadow work, indeed Jung is the godfather of shadow aspects of self}.  Shelved right next to it is "Who Moved My Cheese?!?" by Spencer Johnson {I'm rather fond of Spencer Johnson's writings and if you have the chance to read any one of the One Minute series, I strongly urge you to do so.}.  I've heard of this Cheesy book/story often and have gotten the gist of it over the years, but have not actually read the original.  So I did, right then, right there.

I think I'm more than ready to leave the stale, moldy cheese behind and move on.

ooOH, that hadda hurt

My mother passed on a rather effective put down for the persistent pompous guy attempting to pick ya up:

"I already have one asshole in my pants, why would I want another?"

{thanks, mom!  i'll put it to good use!}

Tales from Tupelo

Today, a dear friend and I had a great visit with lots of laughs and some gasps and some, "no, really?"s, and just catching up on what's what with each other over coffee (decaf, I know, I know, but I want to be able to sleep tonight) and sweet potato fries.  I love getting together with her!  When we do speak on the telephone {I've spoken on the phone more this past month than all five previous years put together, we'll see how long that lasts}, she and I flow easily from one topic to the other for hours.

Today, I was sharing a few funnies with her about my recent ten day stay in the hospital.  In the interest of confidentiality, of course, I've not related very much at all about anything regarding that time period.  But I think that I'm fairly safe with sharing tales like this:

In the common room (sort of set up like a very austere waiting room at a much neglected clinic), we had some odd bugs that resembled a cross between ants and large flies.  There weren't many, but enough that we all noticed them.  Not to worry tho!

A young man was restlessly pacing the room, slapping his palm with a rolled up New Testament.  Every now and then, WHAP!, he'd smack a mystery bug and kill it dead better than Raid.  The funny part?

With each WHAP! of the New Testament, he'd joyously exclaim, "I bible blessed that bug!"

BoomBoom (BangBang)

Hello!  Meet my new webcam!  I went to town and ran errands, paid bills, and stopped by the library for awhile.  I decided to use some of the dollars I'd left after paying ahead on all my bills on the long awaited webcam (walmart eighteen bucks).  So I just took this pic just half hour ago.  *{hello}*

It's incredibly busy and crowded in town right now.  In part cuz we have lots of evacuees sheltered in the area.  In part cuz it always is busy on the third of the month, folks receive their checks then and get all busy cashing them and spending them.  Of course, my mail didn't run til 3p, so schools let out and folks were rushing around from work before they headed home.

So while I spent lots of extra time in the car, I listened to the radio, sang along and in some cases did some seated dances.  Big Head Todd and the Monsters "BoomBoom" (BangBang) was especially appropriate for my mood today!  Cuz they like the way I talk, they like they way I walk; when I talk the talk and walk the walk.

{winks.grins}

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cool, clear calmness

Be Still and know that I am God. –Psalm 46:10

Muddy water, let stand, becomes clear. –Lao Tzu

Ask, and it shall be given you; Seek, and ye shall find; Knock, and it shall be opened unto you. –Matthew 7:7

Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. –Carl Gustav Jung

"When the student is ready, the teacher will appear." –Buddhist saying

Over at Soulful Living, I found these quotes used appropriately in an article on the everyday miracle of self-discovery and fulfillment.  In conjunction with other materials on and thoughts in which I've been reflecting, the notion of self-led souls living meaningful purposeful lives and being able to attain that has been forming and taking shape for me.  Then, I realized something.

My life is already meaningful.

Even when I feel frantic.  Even when I feel at wit's end.  Even when I am laid low.  My life has purpose and always did, always will.

We cannot live without turbulence.  If so, we'd stagnate.  Knowing this, realizing and believing it; does not make life any easier, smoother, or less painful.

But maybe it does make it more acceptable.

one sweet lil nut

For quite some time, my friend Mary Jo Bramble {my nutella} posting From the Edge of Dementia, has referred to me as "lil nut".  Since various folks refer to me as "sweet girl", "sweetness", and other sweet diminutives; I've combined the lovely labels {sweet lil nut} in a few of the subject lines for severals posts of late.

Earlier, I was thinking that if I were a nut, I'd be a hazelnut/filbert (and yes, that is what the spread, nutella, is made of).  They're small, round, and certainly not perfect.  Their exterior is protective of the inner kernel, but not too tough to crack.  They're sweet and unpretentious.  Delightful, really.

And best of all?  Just the right size to pop in your pocket and take with you thru-out your day.  Whenever you need/want some reassurance, I'm right there, in your pocket...cheering you on.  Being supportive, accepting you, and providing encouragement.

Ya know, being a friend.

midweke {more fun to say than chimichanga}

Happy Hump Day!  Mid-week is oft anticipated as getting over the up hill battles for the week and relief is in sight in the form of the following weekend.  I woke this morning at about 5a and did some laundry and stuff that is best done before the day heats up.

Now, I think I may start John Lescroart's "The First Law".  Yesterday, I finished "The Mercy Rule"; taking longer than usual to read it.  But I was pleased to be able to do so, since a month ago, I wasn't able to read but a hundred or so pages in two weeks.  I just wasn't able to focus on anything for longer than a paragraph or a page.

I may even finish Bernie Siegal's book today.  There is another non-fiction title that I borrowed last Friday from our local public library.  It was recommended by a counselor who works at Tupelo's Behavioral Health Unit, so I feel that it deserves some consideration.  It's Judith Viorst's "Necessary Losses".  A bit dated, however the message is still pertinent.  I had skimmed through it and it does read a little more meatier than Siegal's, and is mired in the thoughts of the day (over twenty years ago).

Psychology is a changing field and while it doesn't negate the entire book, there are some concepts that she steadfastly insists are "true" which are now considered to be one of many perspectives.  Viorst is a bit heavy on the theory of the day (uhm, that day, which was new and exciting then; perhaps slightly less so now).  The overall premise remains applicable, even if the details are less than accurate at this point.  Ya gotta take the crunchy with the smooth and not throw the baby out with the bathwater.

How's that for triteness?

sweet lil nut shares the chucks

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young Mothers and their small children.  'You all have obsessions,' he observed. To the first mother, Mary, he said, 'You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy.'  He turned to the second Mom, Ann, 'Your obsession is with money.  Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny.'  He turned to the third Mom, Joyce, 'Your obsession is alcohol. This too shows itself in your child's name, Brandy.'  At this point, the fourth mother, Kathy, quietly got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, 'Come on, Dick, we're leaving. Your brothers Peter and Willy are waiting for us.''

G'morning!

For the past month, generally I've been waking somewhere between 6am and 7:30a.  The odd part of that is that when I wake up, I am not experiencing the fogged fuzzy disconnected disoriented feeling.  Only a few times have I woken in the midst of a panic attack (oh, so not fun).  Mostly, I've been waking with clear mental acuity and fairly peaceful of mind.

I tend to take advantage of that by either journaling (hand-written), reading, thinking, or looking things up online.  Around 10a, I experience a sincere desire to nap for a short time.  In part this is because I am not accustomed to taking meds during the day and for the last two weeks, I've been taking one dose at 8a and another at 2p.  This med is one of my sleepy/night time meds and as a side-effect, it really lays me low.  I probably will get used to it and hopefully the strong urge to nap will abate.  However, it may take some time.  No rush, esp since I am in no need of not napping.  {wink}

This med is to help stabilize some of my panic and anxiety levels.  At night time, I take it with a combination of other meds to help me sleep and such.  If I take no meds, I am cranked and wired and it throws off my whole sleep pattern and before ya know it, I've triggered my own mania and end up scrubbing the faucets with a toothbrush and planning world peace {well, not world peace, so much as inner peace; start at home, dudes!} while recalculating my budget in various scenarios.

All this to say that I'm up, I'm dressed, and I'm feeling positive at the moment.  I hope you are too!  Have a good day and for those starting their weeks today, you're that much closer to Friday.

Grins, Debra

no ifs, ands, nor buts allowed here

By the way, IFS is referred to by the letters (eye, eff, ess) rather than the word as in "no ifs, ands, nor buts".

Well, my yard is completely mowed including the parking area and a few widths along the outside of the fenced-in area.  All the saplings and such that grow up along the exterior siding have been cut back or pulled out altogether.  My landlords have been very busy today!

The leak however didn't jump right out and smack my landlord in the head.  So, I'll just keep an eye on things and see if it does start to drizzle inside.  If so, we may be able to track things better.  Especially if we can see where the water puddles and drains, then we might get some clues of where to start.  At any rate, things look really good and that makes me feel better, too.

{grins}

IFS

Internal Family Systems (IFS) is a self-led model of therapy that my current counselor has been using with me with great success.  Sometimes, our sessions are very productive and other times, I cannot focus on deeper issues but may need to voice some things or to only deal with a pressing problem of the moment.  Every interaction with my counselor has been positive for me, whether it is a hard session that leaves me drained for afternoon while I continue to sort thru things or was light with laughter.

The key element that I like best with this approach is that there are no "bad" parts that need to be eliminated.  Ya know how you might feel conflicted about something, thinking (and saying), "well, part of me wants to do this and then there is this other part that wants to do that"?  Well, instead of trying to stomp out an extreme part that you feel is less desirable, IFS encourages you to discover why that part is working so hard, so adamantly insistent.

Usually what happens with me is that the more I try to stifle a feeling or thought that I am having, the more persistent and larger and louder it gets in snagging my attention.  Sort of like a child who feels s/he is being ignored.  So, I've been learning to listen without any other interruptions by other "yeah,but"s and quashers.  In the past two years I have grown more comfortable with myself and am able to be more present and more able to accept and love myself.

When I listen to what I have to say, no matter what the view is, I can often discover what is at the core of that extreme view.  Then, I can reassure myself that maybe I don't need to work so hard to make sure that view is represented.  Cuz generally, I wish no harm on myself (or others).

Most times, I can moderate some extreme view instead of eliminating it.  That way, I feel that I am being healthier be treating my whole person in an authentic and loving fashion.  This process is not something that I can do all the time, and often need some assistance to sort things out.

My counselor is very good and she helps to guide me in this self-led process with compassion, caring, curiosity, acceptance, encouragement, and support.  I know this works for me, as I have seen the huge differences and the slight small shifts in the past two years.  I think that if you look back thru my journal's posts, that you too will see growth, self-knowledge, and maturity over time.

If you feel that your own therapy isn't getting the job done, you might want to consider this approach and see if it feels right for you.  Keep in mind that you do have the right and the ability to change counselors at any time if you feel that you aren't getting what you need.  I know there are all sorts of other considerations, like insurance and availability.  But if at all possible, I urge you to find a practitioner that suits you.  That goes for all services.  Respect yourself enough to get what you need.

I do.

Happy September!!

Today, I'm hoping that my landlord comes up and patches my roof so that it stops leaking cuz dude! we are gonna get hammered tomorrow!  Even if Gustav misses the gulf coast (and I don't see how that's possible), we're gonna get the rain and wind and wrath that surrounds a tropical storm/hurricane.  So, my roof should oughta be leak-free regardless.

The gulf coast covers a rather large area and forms a wide but deep pocket that tends to catch most everything that comes its way.  Even if storms miss New Orleans and the Mississippi gulf coast, there are other states that also share in similar blights.  As far inland as we are, in this area, precautions and preparations have been made by most folks, agencies, organizations, etc.

When I came home Thursday from being away for ten days, one of my area rugs was damp.  Fortunately, it was the one place in my living space that's yarn-free!  If my landlord doesn't venture up this way by noon, I'll give a call down.  This should have been taken care of Thursday so that the roof's patches had plenty of time to dry, but I can understand why it didn't get done then.

Hope everyone has a great holiday and kicks off September with jubilation (or at least safely).